Sc47 Canal Girl Pride by Martin Haworth

  • : Mystery

Comments

  1. Honey Mustard

    Hi Martin, it seems you’re holding quite a few balls in the air here – is it intentional that you’re writing both from Helen and Adele’s POV? (Helen “decided”, Adele “thought”)
    Man, this lady can’t get her story to the point. Is she histrionic or something? Does she crave the attention? I can feel all the characters glancing at their watches and tapping their feet. Heading over to the next scene…

    1. Martin Post author

      Hi HM.

      Thanks for reading and commenting!

      That’s probably an error. I’ll look into that. And yeah, I am spinning a few plates. That’s OK. I think I have a solution for them all in mind. I’ve lived with Laoise for most of this and she’s had a hard time, give her a break! There’s much still to unfold in her story. You’ll feel for her at the end!

      Martin

  2. Michael

    I can’t comment on the story elements. I am jumping in here in the middle of something. 😉 I did like the weather playing a role. That line about trying to end a conversation made me smile. I do that more often than I should – some people don’t seem to pick up my hints.
    The dialogue flowed well and keeping track of who was saying what was easy – no small feat considering I have no idea who these people are.
    We’re so close to the end now. I need a year’s break. LOL.

    1. Martin Post author

      Hi Michael

      Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. Yes, it’s been a long road alright. Whilst I’ve been really concerned that my scenes are a load of short stories, I’m now realising that I do have an ending. It won’t be perfect, that’s for sure, and the edit will need to sort out several anomalies. But I have all the words on pages, rather than in my head. By the time it’s sharpened up, I might just have something that’s worth a read!

      I appreciate your kind words.

      Martin

      1. Michael

        I was also concerned about having 52 short stories. But then why fill up a book with boring in-between bits. Some of my scenes do have a part 1 to 3. I am somewhat certain I’m very far down the road with this barring a good read and tweak.

  3. Ben Hunt

    Hi Martin, this scene read so smoothly. You’re teasing us with a little information but I sense there’s still much to be answered and even without knowing the full background, I find myself compelled to read on to find out what the story of the pond is all about. Really well done.
    I also loved how you brought the weather in throughout this scene to create an atmospheric background. ‘losing itself in the drops of rain harrying each other down the glass.’ was such a great image but also the loud squall of rain lashing the windows interrupting the narration. I really enjoyed this one!

    1. Martin Post author

      Hi Ben

      Thanks for reading and taking the time to write such kind words. I appreciate it. That sentence came to me in a flash and I had no hesitation in using it.

      Martin

  4. Martin Post author

    Hi David

    Thank you for your support to the bitter end. I am still going to keep you in suspense – and I promise to have a resolution by the end of the book. That said, I think you have an inkling!

    Martin

  5. David

    Hi, Martin-
    Well, doesn’t feel like we made a lot of progress here. The scene is well written, but I want to know what’s going on! 🙂
    Nice image: “The dragging delay was as if the energy was being sucked from the room and losing itself in the drops of rain harrying each other down the glass.” I also liked the sound of the stewed coffee. (I’m not a coffee drinker, but I know that it doesn’t age well.)
    While this: “considering the slip a little unprofessional” is true, it may also be a breach of attorney-client privilege. And not knowing who she was talking to just before she reentered the room, there is the possibility of a conflict of interest. But let’s leave that alone for now.
    I’ve been left sitting by people when I had an appointment before. It is very frustrating. They apparently think that their time is more valuable than mine. So that may help account for the frustration, especially given that Laoise is there to help with what presumably is an important case.
    The “Let me tell you about that, Laoise” confused me a bit. Laoise was, I thought, talking. Is she talking to herself? Calling someone else Laoise? Repeating something someone told her? Hopefully that will get cleared up later.
    Well, you win. The suspense is killing me.

    1. Martin Post author

      Hi David

      Thank you for your support to the bitter end. I am still going to keep you in suspense – and I promise to have a resolution by the end of the book. That said, I think you have an inkling!

      Martin