Run Part 2 by Michael James

  • : Adventure
  • : Swearing
  • : Needs a few tweaks

Comments

  1. Christa L

    Have to laugh at the TV vs. Movie part 🙂

    I was just thinking why they’d go back to the hotel if Terrance had booked it. I saw your comment though about Simone. But it still seemed a bit risky / not a smart move? Perhaps there’s a stronger reason to go back… something they can’t leave behind (if they could help it or something.)

    I also wonder, with all the chasing, hopping onto the train, swming and fighting, Madison has to be in pretty good shape. I assume Ethan already is due to his job, but I don’t remember if it’s mentioned earlier that Madison is athletic? Maybe it can be dropped in dialogue somewhere (with Tara? With Ethan when they first met / get to know each other?) that she’s into fitness or something so it’d be more believable that she can keep up without being out of breath lol. (I know you mentioned her dad teacher her shooting but I don’t remember if she was into sports.)

    1. Michael Post author

      Great points – I’ll add it somewhere at the start and remind readers again that she is a bit of a gym person, or ask Louie if she can run around the lodge perhaps. I’ll leave something at the hotel for them to go fetch. They also were ahead of the bad guys – so minor risk.

  2. Martin

    Hi Micheal

    This is a pacy scene and you create a motion to match the train really well. Nice punchy, short sentences and good descriptions of sounds and passing landscapes paint a great picture. The very last segment where Ethan sense the danger is snappy and tense too. I liked the scene a lot.

    Martin

    **Edited PS – love your image too!

    1. Michael Post author

      Thanks for the read and kind words – also thanks for popping in to see how things are going – been a long year. 😉

  3. Peggy (PJ) Rockey

    Loved this scene, especially the leap onto the train, Madison dangling through air like a trapeze artist. Really well written. Madison always brings good comic relief at just the right time, anti climactic indeed! I knew right away those cops were not to be trusted, I’m glad Ethan picked up on it. I loved the way Ethan comes across in this scene, he’s more in charge and you sense he’s aware and in control. An excellent cliffhanger to make the reader need to turn the page – I look forward to next week to see what happens next! Great work, Michael!

    1. Michael Post author

      Thanks for the read. I had a whole shooting at each other idea for the train, but I’ve ‘seen’ that so many times before – wasn’t excited about it – so just dropped it. Love the power of writing. 🙂 I want these two balanced – both must bring an equal amount of usefulness.

  4. Adam

    I think this is one of the best scenes you’ve written for a while. I think you nailed the detail of the train scene brilliantly – the run, the catch, the sense of exposure and the movements of Ethan and Maddison. I too liked the movie/tv series reference – good chuckle (although did think the brevity of the shootout/chase a little too, well… brief…but only because I was really enjoying the energy of the moment and the clarity of the writing). The arrival in town was vivid, although did wonder why they would even go to their planned hotel given Terrence’s knowledge. Perhaps they left something vital? That said, good to see the action is about to take off again. Looking forward to what comes next and the ultimate resolution (Maddison’s Dad might even show up?). Well done. A

    1. Michael Post author

      Thanks for the read. That train bit, don’t know why, but I rewrote it so many times. Happy it worked out eventually. Ethan sent a message to his INTERPOL lady, Simone about sending someone to the hotel to meet/help them. I considered the idea of a shootout on the train – but it felt a little too Hollywood. 🙂

      1. Adam

        I think the more you write and rewrite a scene even at this stage, the stronger it seems to land. Too hollywood? I love the tension you are creating between Hollywood style and not – keep it going to the end!

  5. Nina

    Good going, Ethan. Quite the change from the innocuous guy on the bus tour, eh?
    Madison is amazing. I thought she might have fractured a toe. The series/movies bit was cute. They’d make a great couple in an adventure series. Hmmm. Good job on the action/settings.

    1. Michael Post author

      Thanks for the read and thoughts as always. I do like that you see them as a great adventure couple – this is what I was going for. 😉