Run Part 1 by Michael James

  • : Adventure
  • : None
  • : Does it feel right?

Comments

  1. Christa L

    Poor Samuel : ( I don’t supposed the golden bugs will come back into the story?

    I like that as we’re getting to the climax, the pace has picked up. Lots of action that will make readers of this genre happy 🙂

      1. Christa L

        Indeed they did 🙂 Though I think if you did end up using the beetles as part of the title, then perhaps they may need to be talked about more along the way esp in the first half the story? Maybe Madiosn has heard this legend or whatever so it’s not out of the blue? Just a thought.

    1. Michael Post author

      Thanks for the read. He was under investigation but set his wife up for the fall. But now things have changed. His stakes are sky high because he has witnesses to silence. 😉

  2. Deryn

    Hi Michael – more Joseph Conrad moments here – for the best jungle writing, there’s him, I think I have suggested Redmond O’Hanlon’s Into the Heart of Borneo before and then there’s Barbara Kingsolver’s Poisonwood Bible – all write so well about humidity and the oppressiveness of the vegetation, so of all the sensory details that you did so well here , I wanted more physical discomfort. Thought ‘ thug’ was a bit overdone – how about ‘henchman’ ‘ heavies’ or another word for Terrance’s sidekicks. I thought M and E were lugging the boxes of treasure with them, so maybe show Ethan camouflaging them as soon as he gets them out of the cave and M helping him as she catches on to what he’s doing. But great scene with real and present danger.

    1. Michael Post author

      Thanks for the read and insightful comments. You’re spot on with the thugs, when I read it over I’ll amend to some of your suggestions. Or, be smarter and limit my use. Correct on the boxes, I added a throw away line to explain what happened to them – this was a space issue. You have uncovered all my demons this scene. LOL. I do appreciate the edits, you get so wrapped up in your own head sometimes. 😉 😉

  3. Peggy (PJ) Rockey

    Excellent plotting, Michael, as well as imagery and action. You’ve got a lot of excellent sensory detail in here to put the reader inside the scene and connecting emotionally with Ethan and Madison. I can just imagine how they must have felt seeing Samuel’s body floating in the river, and how Terrance might react when he finds his treasure missing. I worry about the upcoming chase to escape on a moving train, especially if one or more of the cars have gas container on them; that could go badly if a stray rifle bullet chances to penetrate it. I’m really liking the tension you’re creating, if I was reading this story straight through I would need to stay up late turning pages to see what happens next!

    1. Michael Post author

      Thanks for the read and high praise. I wanted this to be a page turning no fluff adventure. Why write the boring bits. 😉 So few scenes left now, and I know the ending – just need to get there neatly.

  4. Nina

    Some wonderful imagery/setting in this scene. I knew they weren’t going to get off scot-free and liked the way you handled it. Wondering how heavy those relics are. Looking forward to seeing how they fare hopping onto that fast train.

    1. Michael Post author

      Thanks for the read, glad it read all good. In the earlier scene (thereabouts), Terrance said not to fill the crates or they’ll be too heavy. I did think about it – so many challenges to overcome when you make stuff up. 😉

  5. Adam

    Good scene – the image of the floating body, hacking through the thick rainforest and the old rickety railway line. I did wonder at the likelihood of Terrance having the line checked. Lets see how the running and catching skills are. Bring it on. Love a good train battle!

    1. Michael Post author

      Thanks for the read, happy the image clues worked. I suppose he could have heard it, and put things together, or realised they hadn’t run the way he thought they did and backtracked. I couldn’t just have them stroll into town hand in hand without a worry between them. 😉