Rhyme by Nissan Abadi

Two poems

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Kat
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Kat
1 month ago

Ouch. Read together, it really jarred to read the acrostic poem directly after such a beautiful dream-like interpretation of ‘home’. I have just scanned a few comments below – I think the second poem is so powerful that it ends up standing out more for me that the first. I wonder if they would have had the same affect if submitted separately. Were you intending a connection in the reader between them?

EDamonMitchell
Member
1 month ago

I see the juxtaposition of a lovely home in the first poem filled with warmth and good things next to the homeless mother in the second poem desperately seeking shelter from the rain. I wonder if that was your intent? One is uplifting; the other sobering reality. Nicely done.

Srivalli Rekha
Member
1 month ago

That sounds like a wonderful house to live in.
And such a sad second poem. I like both, more because of the contrast between them.
You’ll have to write another acrostic for next month. 😛

Christy Kunin
Member
1 month ago

Nissan, I love the rhymes in your first poem. It is such a hopeful description of the home we all long to be in. Your acrostic on the other hand is quite sobering. The poor baby. Nice job on both poems, but I prefer the uplift of the first.

Christian Donovan
Member
1 month ago

Hi Nissan, I prefer the first poem. I like the idea that you will fill the new house with light. Lovely.

Jane
Member
1 month ago

Hi Nissan, Ah yes you and I have somehow managed to do next Month’s prompt, clever aren’t we:)
I have to say I really liked your rhyming poem. This is definitely my favourite poem of yours so far.
You did a fantastic job with your rhyming and like Maria said it sounds like a lovely house to live in.
Well done:)

maria delaney
1 month ago

Now that is a house I would adore to live in!

Great job with the rhyming!