Regrets by Srivalli Rekha

Regrets by Srivalli Rekha # “Stop staring and gimme a hand, Rob.” “Erm… yes, yes, Anna. Here… Oww…” “Rob! Can’t you even!” “Sorry, Anna. Are you… erm… hurt?” “Nah, I’m dandy, ain’t I? I trip over your dead body and don’t break my nose. Oh… ROB!” “Ahh, yes, Anna? My dead body? But, how? Yours…...

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Member
1 month ago

This was a very engaging and different take, Srivalli! I liked the dialogue-only format, you did a great job conveying quite a lot without the teller descriptions. The way the ghosts look back on their life and their anxiety about whether their son will come for them and their fear of the onward journey – there’s quite a lot of food for thought there! Well done with this unique tale, Srivalli.

Member
Jan
1 month ago

Hi Srivalli,

Bravo, all dialogue and beautifully executed! The strong emotions that tie the deceased couple together, and which become stronger now with their determination to stay together are very touching. The sentence about them having been caught up with life is quite poignant! There is a lesson in there for all of us.

Very engaging story that pulled me in from the start, up to the very end.
Thank you for sharing!

Member
Jo
1 month ago

Well done. Clear story. And the dialogue was nicely done. The main characters were easily distinguished. It seemed reasonable that dead people would have these conversations. It reminded me a bit o My Lovely Bones, except that book used lots of live people and regular exposition and description. I like the way you didn’t try to pack a ton of backstory and exposition into the dialogue. It sounded realistic, as far as it could be realistic given the fact they were two dead people talking. Keep it up. Nice work.

Member
1 month ago

I love dialogue only stories and you did a great job with the characters. The slang was a little confused-ne’er combined with ain’t seemed a little strange-ne’er seems to be more British and ain’t more Southern US, but that’s my pov as an American. The subject matter of ghosts reviewing their lives and their forever future is an intriguing one and it’s great that you decided to use this innovative form. Good read.

Member
1 month ago

Hi Srivalli,
This was a fun read! I have come across several ghost stories this month, but this one was different in terms of treatment and characters. I loved the dialogue flow. Anna was a clear stand-out! Just caught one small blip – ‘” Poor…” The inverted coma needs to be facing inward. But that’s no biggie. Loved it! Thank you for sharing!

Member
1 month ago

Hi Srivalli,
A very different type of story. Don’t think I have ever read a dialogue only story. I take my hat off to you as I really struggle with dialogue. You managed it very well, with flowing, easy to follow conversation. I could tell who was speaking all the time.

I did come across a few small things that might require editing. I have made a note of them here, please ignore if you do not agree, they are just suggestions:

“Do you mean we are no more alive? – Do you mean we are no longer alive?

You gave those murderers lift in our car, you idiot.” – murderers a lift

“Don’t parrot me, Rob. You know the motel, ain’t ya?” – You know the motel, don’t cha?

Ain’t gonna leave those pricks for doin’ this to us.” – Aint gonna let those pricks get away with doin’ this to us.

“We’ll figure out. Can we vanish here ‘n appear there?” – We’ll figure it out.

“Duh! You ne’er did know anythin’. Now, don’t mop, Rob.”- mope

We were happy, ain’t we?” – wern’t we

“They’d have to know were dead for that, Rob. – have to know we’re dear for that

Well done and thanks for sharing.

Member
1 month ago

It stayed very clear who was talking throughout the story. It also was a good story. The characters came through with strong personalities and each had a singular voice. I really liked the way this ended with the call to adventure. Well done. Keep writing! – Otter