Red Ink by Hyle Bathurst

Deals with demons are never what they seem....

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Charles R.
9 months ago

I love Urban Fantasy stories and I really enjoyed how you gave us a punch in the end with the last sentence. One can feel the frustration of the narrator. Also “Dee” is a humorous character with an evil dimension that I thought fit well in the story. The narration of the story unfolds well. You did a great job keeping my interest. I hope you write more stories about this character.

Jes Brimer
9 months ago

What a twisted betrayal who happens to love Cheetos. I loved the sentence: Her fingers were orange from the cheese puffs, her demonic touch searing my skin with an abnormal heat.

You did great describing your characters and their interaction with each other. No one is sitting on the couch doing nothing, well maybe Dee lol. Great writing. 🙂

Amrita Sarkar
9 months ago

Wow! This is such an engrossing tale. Initially, when I started to read, I thought they are vampires. I felt for Rachel and also for the guy they planned to murder. But as the story progressed and tables turned, I was really impressed with your suave and tight plotting. Dee comes across as a Boss character to me. I believe she has a lot of potential to emerge as a full-fledged badass demon if you intend to write this in long form. The ending was unexpected. Demons planning to kill the anti Christ is something I haven’t come across so far. Very well-written!

maria delaney
9 months ago

Hi Hyle,
This one is by far my favorite by you. What an amazing twist. I adore how you made the two demons so lifelike. Just two demons sitting around eating twinkies and discussing what soul to knock off next. What an amazing idea!

The dialogue between the girls is spot on. The slow burn getting to the end explaining why she should kill the next victim is outstanding.

And the twist! After all these years she never noticed the other half of the contract was still pending? Gotta love a twist like that!

I may have caught a mistake. Fourth paragraph, last line, (pastry) did you mean pantry?

Great job with the prompt,

Annie Amsden
9 months ago

This reminded me a bit of Good Omens and Changed by Debbie Herbert – both positive comparisons. I enjoyed the mundane details such as what Dee was eating. They grounded the story in reality. The twist at the end left the reader wanting more. Very well done.

Tapan Mozumdar
9 months ago

Demons eating cheese puffs made one hell of a scene for me 🙂 I have never read this kind of story before and I enjoyed the wry humor in it. It was interesting how helpless predicament of the protagonist turned into nonchalance on discovering that the contract is one sided. Good use of the prompt. Just that at the end, reminder of word count seemed to have played the sudden devil.
Good story. Bravo!