Rebeginning – Final Version (previously Running)

Looking over your shoulder can be perilous

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Charles R.
10 months ago

Your Final version Rocks. Thanks for clearing up some of the mystery from the first draft. I liked the atmosphere of dread and the punch of the ending. My only critique is I’m not a big fan of the word “spurt” when the MC was at the diner. I would have chosen another word but that’s my take. Excellent Story Adam.

R.L. Nel
10 months ago

Wow, Adam! This is incredible. I love how you leave the reader to connect the dots without being so cryptic that you lose us along the way. And as always, your artful descriptions blow me away. This story is going to haunt me for a long time to come. Excellent work.

Seyi
10 months ago

Well done, Adam. Breaking up the story as you did with the little row of asterisks is a simple, effective touch. Gives the reader time to breathe and I wish I had done this with my story ? That wink at the beginning which also showed up at the end is very powerful. Gave me chills for your main character. All the best and regards, Seyi

Delrae Goodburn Lurie
10 months ago

Great to see another entry this year. Your story was wonderfully atmospheric, which elevated the tension and kept me interested. It’s remarkable how you managed to incorporate so much detail into a well rounded story using a skinny 1200 words. Impressive. I enjoyed the story and would read the longer version of it. Superb writing. Goodluck.

Peggy
10 months ago

Your final version is superb, Adam, really left me with a sense of dread and uneasiness for the MC and an instant dislike and distrust of the sergeant. The story flows really well, while allowing the reader to put the pieces together. Well done and good luck!

Georgiana Nelsen
10 months ago

Adam,
You’ve created a very sympathetic character in Cynthia and a scary one in The Sergeant. I used to love winks…signifying an inside joke or something clever… now i will always wonder what’s behind them!
Excellent job!

Paul J P Slater
10 months ago

Hi Adam,

Congratulations on building 2 different characters that work well together to heighten the tension.
Well done.

Cheers,
Paul