Nothing. And Everything. (From Several Sides to Silence) by Honey Mustard

  • : women's lit
  • : not a full scene

Comments

  1. Christa L

    I like how you presented the scene from 2 POV (well 3 really). Keep the tension high too as we have to wait for a little longer to know what will happen.

    Hadn’t heard about “When People Zol” – had to google. Would including a reference date your story?

    I wasn’t 100% of the time frame – how long has it been since the incident with Peony/Mona and now? This time frame would also be relevant for the change in Emma-Leighh and her relationship with Alma too. Not sure if you plan to include any time of timeline as part of the chapter title; or maybe it’d become clearer in the rewrite since you write out of sequence and have changed a few things since.

  2. SM

    Hi Hanri,
    Putting these scenes together is a great way to keep our interest. Michael is overwhelmed by guilt, maybe, and other conflicting feelings. Is it enough to throw away this opportunity? One that has been presented to him for a second time? You’ve raised the stakes here a lot and we’re on the edge of our chair waiting to see how his inner thoughts will sort as he faces this committee interview.
    You’ve been writing some parts out of sequence, so I’m not sure what EL knows at the moment about her parents’ issues. Does she know about the affair with Peony? Does she have mixed feelings toward her father?
    Very interesting to throw all of that conflict into this scene. You’ve got the threads of a really engaging scene.

  3. Leona Dawson

    Hi Hanri
    I agree, the juxtaposition, sits well in this scene bringing together Michael’s life, his hopes and his vulnerabilities. But will he be vulnerable? We get to see some of his inner anxiety and this makes me, as a reader, very curious as to what he will say next given how his world has come undone (or nearly). I wondered about the shift in E-L and agree that is the nature of teenagers; acting 23 years old one minute and then 3 the next. But it did seem a bit strange that Alma was indifferent. Was she feigning that? Looking forward to seeing how this plays out.

  4. Elizabeth Strehl

    The juxtaposition makes for a very balanced scene:
    a tense hearing vs. the mundane task of making dinner
    Emma-Leigh and Alma’s previous struggles vs. a more peaceful mother-daughter relationship
    beginning vs. end
    Old Emma-Leigh vs. new Emma-Leigh
    Old Alma vs. new Alma

    The concurrent scenes work well here, and although Michael doesn’t know where to begin, the reader gets the start of a sense of closure and just a smidge of tension as we wait to see how the hearing goes.

    Very well done.

  5. Jan

    Hi Hanri,

    I am a big fan of scenes that weave into one another like this where first we are in the court room and then we are with Alma and EL in the kitchen, watching the proceedings. There’s the power of writing to give an almost magic and really personal quality to these ‘circumferences’ that film fails to achieve (in my opinion).

    I appreciate that here you are laying the table (and making the salad) while the main course is being prepared, and from what you have put out, I know it will be sumptuous and spectacular.

    The descriptions of the room where Mike has his interview are really well done, to show a classic constrast with the modern, I really liked that. One observation – the example of the minister “because when you zol” (which is both hilarious and terrifying at the same time) is from last year so everyone would be masked and sitting far apart in this setting, non?

    Then I like the change in EL – it is a natural change for me that people like her evolve into once they learn to manage their sensitivity. The quick wit, the interest and curiousity in things around her make complete sense. And her calming down seems to have had a positive impact on Alma as well. Not that I’m surprised that EL’s vibes would do that 😉

    Well done on Nr 47! Can you believe it!