Memories by Paul J P Slater

Can you remember any of your school lessons, you know the hard ones about trigonometry? Perhaps not, but I am sure you can tell me how each special person in your life made you feel.

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Charles R.
10 months ago

Beautiful Story. I especially liked this line:

“Some memories fade as you age, but the feelings they generate deep inside your soul never leave you”

This sentence seems to capture the mood of the whole story. I don’t know the gender of the MC – but it sounds like a woman. Does it matter? No.

Well done and evocative Paul.

Mark
10 months ago

Paul,
Great story. I wonder though if you and I share the same muse?

Delrae Goodburn Lurie
10 months ago

What a sad, lovely, and beautifully written love story. You’ve written it with such tenderness and insight into the human condition. I’ve spent two years grieving for different people at different stages and so your story resonates with me. I loved all the references to taking pleasure in the simple things. Great job. Goodluck

Peggy
10 months ago

This is a lovely story, Paul; it’s tender and sad but you can feel the simple joy they took in each other and the rituals that made them a couple. Great work.

KB
KB
10 months ago

This is wonderful and poignant. I love the slice of life you offer and enjoy following Steve and (your narrator is a male in my head I don’t know if that is your intention). It is so interesting to see the little interactions that hold two people together. The little shake at the top of the Ferris wheel is my favorite.
It’s a bit of a nit-pick, but if you were to rework this in the future you may consider varying the length of your paragraphs and sentences a bit. They do lend a dream-like quality to the piece, but it also gets repetitive and lulls me into a sense of complacency where I end up not paying as much attention as I should.

SM Prasad
10 months ago

A beautiful slice of life with a sad, tender, story wrapped within. I also imagined a male MC who lived with his partner Steve, but ultimately, it doesn’t really matter. I like how Steve stayed with the MC in so many ways even after he passed. This line is where I began to understand what happened with Steve, ” I grip the cushion tighter, Steve’s arm no longer where I need it to be.” You do a really great job of detailing the grieving process and how the living relatives replay certain memories over and over.
I would make one suggestion. I loved the “folds of memory” phrase, but I think it got overused a little bit. By the time you got to the very interesting Tectonic plates analogy, it got a little worn out. I would use that illustration a little less in the middle of the story.
Overall, very well done.

SM Prasad
10 months ago

Hi Paul,
I agree with you. The gender of the MC is not really that important, because the story is really about grieving a loved one and the type of relationship is immaterial here.

R.L. Nel
10 months ago

Hey Paul, this is so utterly lovely. You have this gift for painting with words, conjuring up vivid images and emotions. This is a great insight into grief. I thought the narrator was female, but it absolutely doesn’t matter. Well done and I hope you do well in the competition!

Martin
10 months ago

Hi Paul

This is a compelling story, rich in detail and emotion. There is a subtle clarity in where it seems to be going, yet it is hard to put a finger on what the ending might be, so that comes as a bit of a shock, supplemented by the irony of his partner’s likely demise. All balanced by the positivity in them being together again.

Nice one.

Regards

Martin