• This is such a vivid scene – what a character you’ve created in Mrs C. Apart from your ingenious pulling together of story strands that always surprise and work I couldn’t help wondering if at school Mrs C was prone to popping into the supply cupboard for a sly nip at her flask. Her flat was sad and claustrophobic- I imagined the heating tur…[Read more]

  • That would be portraying 😳

  • Nonie there’s some breathtaking writing in this scene. Packed with heightened tension and overwhelming emotions. siobhahn standing in the doorway as though between two worlds then later she firmly crosses into a single-track future.
    I fear for them all, especially the fierce young women you are betraying who I imagine some of the men might resent .

  • Hi Sharon, you have every right to be confused – I did a bit of time travelling myself and got a little lost – even repeating a scene I had written at about scene 12! I will straighten it out. 🙂

  • The read so seamlessly and I didn’t want it to stop. The endearing phone call from Joe and the comfort food. The bus journey was so real with the rain, people and slow crawl I felt I was on the bus with Barry. Then to top it off the Puglia sisters return. Fantastic stuff.

  • Sounds like a plan to me 🙂

  • Hi Eva-Maria, I owe you an apology as I had written about Roman’s escape from prison to Teofils as you noted then I quite forgot and didn’t check my spreadsheet notes on plot! I’m just writing my index cards for scenes and squirmed when I saw scene 13/52. It’s a worthwhile exercise as things can really go off the rails. Thank you for your su…[Read more]

  • I’m so suspicious 🤨 I forgot to say as Anne did that the silky nasal hair was hilarious and stayed with me as one of your many fabulous images. Don’t feel overwhelmed- we’re nearly there . I didn’t want to write anything this week but hope my motor will recharge for the Big Bang ending readers deserve 😳

  • Kathy- just to say your book cover is delightful and I look forward to picking it up in a bookshop. I had to stop following your story as I had just too many to read but will enjoy reading it later on 😀

  • Oh my goodness! Will Evie and Maryana be able to find Malikat and bring her back to her realm – but, wait what’s in the dextrose? Roll-on next week’s instalment 🙂

  • Anne, this is a FANTASTIC scene . It’s vivid, full of atmosphere of the time period, and simply leaps off the page as a piece of writing. I have no idea what you mean by gloopy because you have nailed the emotions of the very two different but connected women and taken us into the wry humour of life in Liverpool. It’s marvellous.

  • Ha ha Nina, I’ve had the same thoughts 💭 But Roman has begged me ….

  • Hi Nina, that’s great – I forgot John was her husband ….

  • Sharon, I liked the dust devil and was delighted that Pan had found Shelly. I love the lizard and Hope he makes a fun pet. I couldn’t help noticing some word repetition – four centres in one paragraph. There was a little confusion in point of view first Shelly, then Pan then some omniscient sections but all can be sorted in draft two and I r…[Read more]

  • 41 of 52 ‘Execute’ Scene 1

    (Krakow 1940 Scene -this sequence follows from last week’s in which Roman escaped from prison to his uncles in Warsaw, but had to leave)……

    The sky darkened as Roman finally arrived a […]

    • Nice scenes, the both of them. Don’t tell Roman but I found myself wondering if Bridget woukdnt be better off in Ireland, with her country doctor, but then… I thought if poor Roman and how devastating – on top of a lifetime of devastations – that would be.

    • Ha ha Nina, I’ve had the same thoughts 💭 But Roman has begged me ….

    • Hi Julie
      A couple of brief but powerful scenes. Roman seeking help was met with initial suspicion, showing us how careful people had to be. I wondered if the woman observing him at the door is going to be significant?
      So the unknown person at the end of last week still has a fancy for Bridget! “The sun high in the sky silhouetted his thin, lone figure.” spoke volumes about his life, but I don’t think he’s going to get this girl. He seems a good man (you’ve managed to convey that very well) and I hope he finds love elsewhere. There – you’ve had him make a powerful impression already!
      I’m not sure about ‘Ted raised his chin and nodded it up and down.’ It reads as though his chin was operating independently of the rest of his face, I’ve tried to do this and it feels a bit wrong?
      The setting at the beginning of Roman’s story was really well done, I don’t know how you manage to do this with so few words. Good one!

    • Hi Julie,
      You’re doing a great job of having us feel sorry for both Roman and Bridget. Ted seems like a wonderful man from her past. and the lone figure wandering away tells us all we need to know about him But even though I feel so sorry for Roman and how tough life is for him “You can stay one night!” , it’s not enough to wish that Bridget would give him a little more lattitude. And most of the time, she doesn’t know the stories that we’ve gotten to read, so she is much more in the dark than we are. So it’s tempting to think that she could figure out a way to stay in Ireland with Ted rather than go back.
      Really great tensions and conflicts here.
      Great scene

    • Hi, Julie. I just jumped into your scene without having read or iOS scenes, so I am a little confused about everything. I’ll so back and try to catch up on your characters. You do a really good job of setting the scene. I could picture the house and inside. I like how the old man questioned Roman. Pretty smart old guy. Looking forward to getting caught up on your characters. Thanks for following Pan and Shelly.

      • Hi Sharon, you have every right to be confused – I did a bit of time travelling myself and got a little lost – even repeating a scene I had written at about scene 12! I will straighten it out. 🙂

  • You write beautifully about children and how sweet you’ve written Billy. Bad Magda for not bothering to take his name on board. Very bad Magda for having an affair? But then she’s enigmatic as is Emyline. At their dinner everyone save Clarissa seems to be covering for Michael’s terrible behaviour but Clarissa knows he’s done something unforgi…[Read more]

  • Hi Eva-Maria, thanks for your comments. There are some structural (story arc) issues here. I realised that a section I was about to insert that took place in the early 1960s was a distraction to the story ‘s unravelling so I had to ditch it. I then realised I wanted to remind readers of some of the plight of Roman and hadn’t written about what…[Read more]

  • Thanks Peggy – I enjoyed moving the story around and adding a lighter touch even in these circumstances. At the Sunday Morning writing session I mentioned to Mia that I was a little afraid of always putting Roman in terrible situations and she reminded me that as well as throwing rocks at the main character we also had to provide them with small…[Read more]

  • Another amazing, dazzling piece pulling the strands tighter together. I didn’t notice ‘anytime soon’ and you firmly established your story in the present at the start from my reading, but we all read into things ourselves. I tripped a little at the location of Tariq’s private apartment – where is it – (excuse my poor memory) because Maryana is…[Read more]

  • Thanks Nina, I am feeling empowered by reader/writer appreciation. 🙂

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Julie

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@xyphat1969

Active 38 minutes ago
Short Story : 7
Poetry : 0
WTC : 0
52 Scenes : 39
Dialogue : 0
Flash Fiction : 0