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  • Catherine, thank you so much for reading and for your kind words!

  • Renee, thank you! I’m glad to hear it interested you. Sometimes it’s hard for me to tell if what I’m writing comes across genuinely or “too” made up. Thanks for reading!

  • Christy, thank you! I’m glad to hear it was an engaging story! I think this is one I could definitely keep going. Thanks for reading.

  • Kim, thank you and thanks for reading!

  • Joyce, thank you! You are so right, Depression can feel so similar to grief. Thanks for reading and thanks for your comment.

  • Thank you Marisa! Thank you so much for the kind comments. Maybe so! I love to think of the potential things have to “grow” 🙂

  • It wasn’t like I had ever felt well absorbed into modern culture, anyway, but now, especially, on the other side of this unexpected loss, I felt completely and totally secluded from the rest of the world. As if a […]

    • That’s how depression feels too, I guess. You feel so cut off, you see the world differently and feel as if it sees you too differently. I like how you describe the isolation, as if being cut off like a tumor from a body.

      • Joyce, thank you! You are so right, Depression can feel so similar to grief. Thanks for reading and thanks for your comment.

    • somber read …and very true!
      Thanks for sharing

  • Thank you, Mary! That is definitely what I was going for. I am glad it came across.

  • Thank you, Ismael! I agree I think that paragraph uses some unnecessarily complex wording. Thanks for bringing it to my attention.

  • It didn’t take long after they had figured out the physiological makeup of the body to pinpoint the influence of the intangible mind. But humans, of course, cannot really be satisfied with what is intangible. T […]

    • What and interesting and unique take on this prompt. I was definitely hooked and wanted to keep reading to figure out what was going on. I had uncomfortable associations with 1984 and other dystopian stories. Great work.

      • Christy, thank you! I’m glad to hear it was an engaging story! I think this is one I could definitely keep going. Thanks for reading.

    • Hi Bonnie,
      I enjoyed this story. An interesting take on how society affects us. I want to see more of this story and learn about the world, and what comes of the main character.

      • Renee, thank you! I’m glad to hear it interested you. Sometimes it’s hard for me to tell if what I’m writing comes across genuinely or “too” made up. Thanks for reading!

    • Bonnie, I really loved this! So complex and engaging it drew me in word for word. It is a story that could easily be expanded as I am left with so many questions from before and after! Thank you.

  • I recognized it first by the bamboo stick zip tied to its stem. I’d seen a million before like this, hopeful in their attempt to stabilize something so fragile. They all came to the florist shop with bright, h […]

    • Hi Bonnie,
      Great observational tale. Almost feel the angst of the florist. Thanks for sharing.
      Not sure, but I think the large middle paragraph is missing a noun towards the end. Maybe the word flower?

      – Ismael

      • Thank you, Ismael! I agree I think that paragraph uses some unnecessarily complex wording. Thanks for bringing it to my attention.

    • Hi Bonnie,
      Your words deeply invoked the sensation of vulnerability. I read it twice, the first time feeling for the plant, and then the second time feeling the vulnerability on a more global level. Beautiful!

    • Lovely! The orchids always look so pretty in the store, but I know that they aren’t easy. I feel badly when plants die on well meaning people. Somehow we value plant life less. I could really see this short blossoming (pun intended) into a much larger tale. Great character development. An interesting backstory to a Poison Ivy type character?

      • Thank you Marisa! Thank you so much for the kind comments. Maybe so! I love to think of the potential things have to “grow” 🙂

  • Babette, Thank you so much!! This is something I would really like to do more of and so I appreciate your positive affirmation of that! Thank you!

  • Mara, thanks so much for the feedback! I tend to release the restrictions of time in my writing and write more metaphorically but this is good feedback to help me tighten that up some. Thanks!

  • Maria, thank you, thank you for the kind words! Writing from a biblical perspective WAS really scary!! I’m so happy to know you think it was successful! Honestly, I really did not designate either one of them as a specific disciple in my mind, I was kind of thinking of them as contemporary counterparts to the old story. Thanks for reading!

  • Very powerful shift. I like the characters you’ve sketched here. It reminds me of that quote, “You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.” – Anne Lamott

    Great work!

  • The gentle lapping of the waves against the worn, wooden boat was the only sound that filled the silence of their reflection. The two men sat opposite each other, their counter weight steadying the boat in perfect […]

    • Now, this I loved. It’s made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I have wanted to write from the perspective of a biblical story, and could never work up the courage. But you have nailed it. It is a beautiful story. You should feel pleased with yourself. I wonder which one was Simon (Cephas)?

      • Maria, thank you, thank you for the kind words! Writing from a biblical perspective WAS really scary!! I’m so happy to know you think it was successful! Honestly, I really did not designate either one of them as a specific disciple in my mind, I was kind of thinking of them as contemporary counterparts to the old story. Thanks for reading!

    • Interesting story or should I rather say prelude to the story about the recruitment of the Disciples. I found the following perhaps a bit unbelievable for the setting: their dialogue were more sophisticated than I imagine fishermen dialogue would have been, and their opinion of leadership and leaders were also for me a more 20 century opinion – almost a story inside the story. Other than that I enjoyed it a lot. Thank you for sharing the story.

      • Mara, thanks so much for the feedback! I tend to release the restrictions of time in my writing and write more metaphorically but this is good feedback to help me tighten that up some. Thanks!

    • A wonderfully told story with a powerful finish. Great use of language for descriptions – one feels a real search for le mot juste. However, I felt some phrases were too heavy with complex wording like “(hope of) ensnaring continued sustenance”, or “disengaging from his thoughtful posture”. I thought these could have been said more simply without taking anything away from the story. Just my opinion, though.
      Contrary to the previous comment, I wasn’t bothered by the way the fishermen spoke. I felt it blended well with the narrative voice.
      Continue dramatising bible stories – you’re really good at it!

      • Babette, Thank you so much!! This is something I would really like to do more of and so I appreciate your positive affirmation of that! Thank you!

  • Oh I love this! What an interesting turn! The taxidermy shop was a perfect setting. I love how much you revealed about Mr. F without saying much about him at all. Great example of “show don’t tell.” I also love how the main character is totally unaware of her talent lol. I hope you will continue the story, I would love to keep reading.

  • The title and accompanying photo made me chuckle and brought me into the story. The idea of a hitman as community service, so clever! (with opportunities that abound) I really liked Marion’s character, her backstory and bond with her father, the double edged sword of being skilled with a gun. Very nice story, I think you could continue it in…[Read more]

  • Curiosity got me, too! Very creative story and a great overarching metaphor for the choices we make regarding where we choose to “live” – past, present, or future. Great work!

  • Very creative idea of the future where people have lost the art of conversation (or are we there now??) You did a nice job setting up the characters in so few words. Great work!

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Bonnie

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active 3 months, 2 weeks ago