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  • Very clever use of the prompt. I’m a fan of supernatural fiction so you drew me in right from the genre. I didn’t have trouble getting into the story at all. My only note is that this sentence doesn’t read well. I presume she’s changing the thought Midway through but a word removed or added would read more smoothly:
    “How come…. hasn’t the world…[Read more]

  • I completely disagree that the submission has to stand alone as a story. This is a scene of your story, a chapter that’s interesting and gives more depth and understanding to those of us who’ve read other entries from it and go titillate those who haven’t into wanting to go back and find the others.
    I personally loved that you clarified that…[Read more]

  • I enjoyed this very much. The imagery was vivid and the tension palpable.
    My one critique is that “needn’t of” should be “needn’t’ve”. What you’re contacting is “need not have”.

  • Loved your warning! I’m hoping a lot of us looked beyond the political aspect of “coalition” and made it our own.
    Your descriptions and use of senses were superb. I also enjoyed how .you captured exuberant youth and playfulness in Amber and the interactions with her. So often when adults put children in stories they lose those basic fundamentals…[Read more]

  •     Young Queen Keiran, nine months swollen with child, sat at her bedchamber window, smiling as she watched what would most likely be the final snowflakes of the season fall. “Wouldn’t it be lovely, Alaric, to […]

    • Ahh Annie – left me impatient for Part 2. I’m hooked . The ending might be rushed – but it left me wanting more and it brought the prompt in nicely. Goody good good!

    • Love fairy tales and this retelling left me longing for part two.

    • Hi Annie Your writing never disappoints and this took me back ! I know a little boy called Alaric, so I especially loved the story for that! Beautifully re-purposed fairy tale and clever take on the prompt! Well done as always! Deryn

    • You have a magical way of capturing ‘fairytale’ language and imagery – so well done. And I totally adore the names.
      This sentence stood out in discomfort:
      The sound which emanated from the squat, hunched creature resembled a laugh though it was perverted into something akin to a hacking cough.
      It felt over-described. I think with some re-working and contracting, it would flow along with the rest of your prose.

    • Hi Annie,
      Let me start off by saying, I enjoyed this thoroughly. This was such a clever retelling of such a linear story. I am glad you put such an interesting twist on the pale skin, red lips part. It has just the right amount of darkness and fantasy to allure readers. I, for one, really enjoyed the character of Rand. I also loved the manner in which you imagined him in terms of appearance and personality traits. This story had infinite potential. Please add more parts. Loved it! Thanks for sharing!

    • I enjoyed part one of your fairytale and the subtle inclusion of the prompt. Your way with words, especially in the beginning, is magical. It was fun to read a different perspective on the well known story, and I hope to be back for more next month. Thanks for sharing!

    • A very engrossing read; excellent job of giving us the backstory through dialogue and events, rather than just telling it. Two questions came up for me – why did she assume she had “crimes yet to commit” and who is “they” in “I don’t heal like they do.” Just things I wondered; did not stop me at all from enjoying the tale and looking forward to Part 2.

    • Wow Annie this is so different from your other stories I’ve read. It is quite magical and I loved the depth of colour in your descriptions, very vivid. I really liked the style and pacing of this.. look forward to Part 2 x

    • I tore through this story. I absolutely love what you’ve done with the characters and the freshness you’ve brought to the tale. Absolutely can’t wait for part 2!

    • Wasn’t ready for it to end. Great voice throughout. Nothing stopped me as I read. Looking forward to the next installment.

    • This retelling is going to rock! Love how you are retaining bits of the original and giving your story a new dimension. The imagery is vivid and fluid. Waiting for part 2. 🙂

    • I enjoyed this – always like a good fantasy. Will be interesting in seeing where this goes as a retelling of a tale. It did feel a little rushed in places. The first wife was gone from the story before I had chance to really connect with her and feel the emotional smack of the curse. That is no doubt the problem of only having 1200 words to tell the tale. On the plus side, the rapid pacing definitely drew me along with the story.

      One thing that threw me early on was the introduction of a third voice in the scene here:

      “Ah, but I disagree.” The grating, shrill voice started the king so that his goblet crashed to the floor, shattering.
      If you put the dialogue after the description it would help the reader know it is an interruption to the previous conversation. Hope that’s helpful.

    • A great story, Annie, it’s wonderfully descriptive with all the elements of a great fantasy/fairy tale. Can’t wait for part 2!

  • That’s a wonderful memory to hold onto. I did love my father very much despite a lot of memories of rather forget. I know he loved me even if I was a disappointment.

  • Now there’s an interesting way to create a serial killer. Very well written and engaging. Loved it.

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  • Oh yay! I’d imagine for KDP this would be considered unpublished. It’s more of a critique group.

  • Thank you all for your kind words and thoughts. It was an awful month and we’re still trying to recover.

  • This is ridiculously cute. Love it!

  • I can’t believe how expertly you wove humor and violence together in this piece. You’re extremely talented.

  • I’m so sorry for your loss as well. It’s of course alright to share with your wife. I hope she’s healing from her loss.

  • What a sweet taste of a story I hope you plan to continue! Loved it!

  • Having read your post in the group about this story before coming here, I read it as a memoir. I’m glad you can laugh about it (and use it as a plot bunny) now though I doubt you did at the time. Are you going to write more of these glimpses into your life? You do it quite well.

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Annie Amsden

Profile picture of Annie Amsden

@thequietestquill

active 4 weeks ago