• The canopy of clouds overhead shielded the sun and the unsaid. The sunlight made it hard to walk and squinting in the pure sun was uncomfortable. No canopy of trees for this route. She had always felt trees were […]

    • Nice take on the prompt. I’m sure you will come up with a title the more you think and read over this. I liked reading the closeness of the siblings, yet a secret was kept. I love the last line. Great work!

    • Oh my, this is heart breaking! I like the way the absence of trees on her way illustrates her loneliness in this painful moment.

  • The darkness lurking into a summer afternoon signals a storm. The moment of betrayal starts with large drops of distraction.  I prefer clouds and to not be blinded by the sun. I prefer them not to […]

    • Kim replied 1 year ago

      this was interesting – 2 stories in one although the hidden one only obliquely hinted at – makes it mysterious as I would like to know more the obscure one?
      so was the act of giving donuts a peace-offering or something more sinister as hinted at by your word choice of betrayal?

    • Ismael replied 1 year ago

      Whoa, I… what? Whoa! Are we talking donuts here, or is there a more sinister party involved not yet mentioned? Questions. Intrigue. Twisted logic?
      Are the donuts the offending character here, knowing the MC is fasting and flaunting the fact that the donuts can call them away from the fast with such ease? Does the MC want to think that eating them anyway will disprove that? I mean, what’s not to love about this story? So many questions…

  • The lure of the sweet! HA!

  • I love everything about this idea. What a wonderful tribute to life and death and legacy. This little story will stay with me for sure. Thank you for sharing it and not keeping it in your notebook.

  • I smell them

    I am awake just now but blind

    I keep

    Inhaling

    The familiar  scent

    A morning smell not part of the routine.

    Today

    The Death anniversary

    The joy of the unexpected flowers

    The feeling of a […]

    • Oh how sad.Mothers and Grand Mothers are filled with profound love and we miss them all our lives even when we ourselves become like them..well expressed

    • Jane replied 1 year ago

      Hi Tammy, a very touching and sad poem. Filled with love and loss. It is so hard to lose our mothers…..

    • Susan replied 1 year ago

      What can I add to that. So empty. So sorry.

    • That was a lovely, touching poem. Thank you for sharing.

  • Interesting how a character sketch of one character pulls in so many other people – thank you for sharing.

  • This character is staying with me – I cannot stop thinking about her. -but I am not sure the name is right for her…I will continue this story for sure. Thanks for reading

  • I went back to that phrase several times…yes, agreed. The next pass I will look at places I was redundant and which words are the most powerful

  • The love the push and pull feeling of this story. Literary tug of war. So much subtext here that gave me chills.

  • What you noticed about Frida first were her wrists. They were delicate and childlike, breakable. On the inside of her tiny right wrist, a tattoo of a compass was inked in purple. On the other were passport stamps […]

    • Ephemeral–like watching a butterfly–lovely.

      C Alexis

    • Megan replied 1 year ago

      This is such an enticing story. I love it. Quite trippy.
      Weirdly, I think it could be edited down even further. – Frida’s wrist were delicate and childlike, breakable – is an example.

      • tbreit replied 1 year ago

        I went back to that phrase several times…yes, agreed. The next pass I will look at places I was redundant and which words are the most powerful

    • I wanted it to be longer to know the background of the story. Loved it.

    • So cool. i agree this could be edited down further. I needed to read it through twice to understand there was a compass on one wrist and passport stamps on the other. I love that they change. And that she reads The Night Circus. Enchanting. Thanks for sharing.

    • Nina replied 1 year ago

      I liked the breakable wrists and her looking like she ran instead of sleeping. The tattoos – the compass and stamps – are intriguing and that they change begs for more to be written about this magical changling character.

      • tbreit replied 1 year ago

        This character is staying with me – I cannot stop thinking about her. -but I am not sure the name is right for her…I will continue this story for sure. Thanks for reading

        • Ismael replied 1 year ago

          You are so right about her name.
          Please don’t lose her.
          – Ismael

    • Hi Tammy,

      You have something whimsical here where you are on the verge of transporting your reader to someplace out of the ordinary.
      You need to bring these character back on stage once more.

      Well done.

      Thank you for sharing.
      Cheers,
      Paul

    • Martin replied 1 year ago

      Hi Tammy

      Atmospheric and tantalising. Lovely writing. There is such a lot about her unsaid, leaving the mystery all the more alluring. You did so well, in such a tight wordcount.

      Martin

  • I love this! The subtext feels a bit dangerous and it pulled me in. Thank you for sharing.

  • Michael vK and Profile picture of tbreittbreit are now friends 1 year ago

  • The high pitched scream seems unnatural. She was usually so calm but had not been acting like herself at all. There were quirks revealing themselves over the last few weeks. The boots made her hide behind the […]

    • Gosh, that left me thinking every which way. Is the woman his wife? Great read – it stays with you.

    • Not sure how I feel about this story. It is certainly thought-provoking, but the disjointed nature of the relationship or lack of it between the people has me confused.

      Thanks for sharing though.

  • tbreit commented on the post, Me and the Bee by NV 1 year ago

    I love these two characters and the back and forth of the POV’s. It is written smoothly and I enjoyed it. I sometimes find it jarring to go from one POV to another but you did a great job of transitioning. It flowed very well for the reader – well me!

  • The low hum was constant. I could always hear it like it was a radio turned up too high in the neighbor’s apartment. Not all people could detect the noise at this point in the world. I chose to honor the sound a […]

    • I really enjoyed the concept of the story here! It’s quite a different take on the prompt but an enjoyable one. I was a little confused a first, but after the second PRESS I was excitedly anticipating what was to come.
      Great stuff! 🙂

  • Thank you!

  • tbreit commented on the post, A Single Bloom by CReese 1 year ago

    Nice twist and set up to the end!
    I do love the last line as well.

  • Thank you! It is a fun structure to play with

  • Reese looked at the tiny perfect flower in her palm. The kitten had swatted at it and knocked it off the stem. Flowers didn’t get overwhelmed so Reese told the little plant all her troubles. As she said the w […]

    • tbreit replied 1 year ago

      Thank you! It is a fun structure to play with

    • CReese replied 1 year ago

      Nice capturing the feeling of anxiety and attempts to refocus. It’s hard to do, but you did it well. I too enjoyed the factoids within the story, it helped to build that mood of anxiety. Well done.

    • I like the facts strewn through the story, as if the character is recalling them as a calming method!

    • Engaging and informative whilst revealing a mind struggling with anxiety and indecision. Great job.

      Thanks for sharing.

  • A flutter alone

    Separated

    As is someone gasped

    And I caught it

    Before it whooshed away.

    A whisper of 

    Obligation.

    People laughed at the whizz

    Through the windows

    Crystalized by the cold

    Illuminated by […]

    • The title of your poem suggests some sort of disability. Words like ‘alone’ and ‘separated’, draw the reader in. Then your write about “a simple power lost”, and “without sound”. A hearing disability? An interesting choice for the prompt.

    • You’ve used some beautiful words in your ‘soundless’ poem. I especially like this: People laughed at the whizz Through the windows. I can almost see the words whizz past. Well done and thank you for sharing.

    • Is this a poem about someone losing the ability to hear? Or were they born without it? I really enjoyed it, well written and quite poignant. Thank you for sharing:)

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tbreit

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