• On Mother’s Day, on the second Sunday in May, Lilli prepared a little picknick hamper and went to the graveyard. She would meet her sister Anne there, on the bench across from their mother’s grave.

    It was a lov […]

    • I was happy to get my hands on the last 2 letters, and nice for Lilli to read them with her sister (and her mom) by her side. I wonder if she will apply logic from these letters to choose her last name, too? I hope we get to see her decision in one of these last scenes.
      I wonder if she will regret divorcing her dad–he obviously means something to her, I wonder if she’ll be able to let that go. But maybe she’s driving herself crazy trying to keep him in her life and needs to let that go–if that’s where you are going I’m sure you can intensify the case during the rewrite–so many ideas here….will save them for the rewrite once I know the ending 🙂
      I can understand “all or nothing” mentality (it’s what makes the deadlines work for me!) Her words at the end really reflect the character you’ve shown her to be. I think you’ve developed a strong character here!
      I see a bit of the “talking heads” that I had in my scene this week (though not as bad as mine), so another note for you to make for the rewrite, to give Lilli and Anne something more to do with their hands/bodies. Well done on week 44!

    • Hi Susanne, nice to see that Lilli is finally following the Matrons’ advice and planning to stop wasting her time on a Dad that just isn’t and never was one.
      A couple of tiny suggestions if I may. I think it would be useful to use a different font for the letters’ body, maybe italic, just to make them stand out. The other is that Lilli utters a mild swear word. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not averse to it and some of my characters definitely swear way too much but it just didn’t sound right coming out of Lilli’s mouth to me, the way I’ve come to know her. Then again, maybe, you chose to use it specifically to show how much she’s had it with her Dad, in which case ignore me.
      The symbolic divorce was a bit of a shock. Does that mean she won’t invite him to the wedding at all? I look forward to finding out…

    • Hi Susanne,
      Divorcing Dad. That’s quite extreme. I’m still hoping for a twist that will help us understand Godfrey better. Or is he really all bad?
      It’s good to see the last two letters. I would have imagined them to be a bit longer. We already learned details from the matrons’ lives throughout the novels. But when the Matrons wrote the letters, they must have assumed that Lilli and Anne did not know much about their private lives. The letters seem in the context of the novel, rather than something written decades ago, if that makes sense.
      Just a wee Denglish detection. Picnic, not picknick.

    • Hi Susanne – Lilly is taking her lack of respect for her father to its furthest conclusion – I wonder if she shouldn;t just let it go and walk away instead of making a grand gesture that will probably be wasted on Godfrey. I would have liked to see longer letters – if each of the matrons left one before they died and dispensed their own wisdom, their own version of the sisterhood it would make their individual messages more important. But good job. I can almost hear the wedding bells now!

  • A saffron strand of fabric hung over the market stall at the entrance to the Medina*. Like a curtain, it guarded wondrous things, things smelling like oregano and cinnamon, lemons, bell pepper, basil and oranges. […]

    • Lovely story, and I loved the image you chose to go with it too.

      I loved how you set it up with the story question: is she going to get robbed? and resolved it at the end with a potential exchange of money but within a more benign interaction. The fear that she would get robbed really pulled me through the story. Beautifully done.

    • Just when you start to relax, the child with the puppy dog eyes gets you. I love the scene you painted. I was enjoying the bazaar with all its sights and sounds – even if she was being followed by a pickpocket. And the ending was well done. There are no presents presented without the expectation of being reciprocated.

    • Hi Susanne, I am wondering if this is semi-autobiographical? Have you visited places like this? I never have. But I loved reading this as I felt like I was there. Great descriptions. I also felt quite uneasy, I don’t think I would feel very safe in a place like this. I liked the little boy at the end, who seemed so sweet and innocent, but was always after a sale:) Well done.

      • Thanks, Jane. Yes, I have been to this place and to other medinas, too. They can be scary to female tourists, as we are not used to behaving like Tunesian women, we are much too polite when we say no. I sure wish someone had shown me the ropes before I visited the first one…buying stuff on an Arabian bazaar is an artform! I am glad you liked my story.

    • Looks like the kid got you in the end. I liked how you brought the bazaar to life with all the colours, smells and noises. Almost a sensory overload. There is a clear shift from awe to unease, as the story progresses. Well done.

    • Hi Susanne,

      The allure of the title, image and “A saffron strand of fabric …” pulled me in.

      A few things for your consideration:
      I noticed a repeat at “…wondrous things, things smelling…” and wondered if it would be worth recasting the sentence to avoid the double up.
      In the opener, you use the word “smelling ” which is usually used when the scent is unpleasant. In keeping with the scene, could you inject something like “aroma” or some such?

      The thought of your MC being robbed keeps the reader engaged. Great job.
      Keep it up.

      Cheers,
      Paul

  • That‘s exactly how it happens! You certa8nly finished your 30 days. Well done!

  • Great suggestion! I will change that. Our deal is on! I have just decided not to end this series with today‘s 30th post…now I need a format how to go on…Maybe I will use the 12SS…but actually I think part of the charm was that these stories are so short.

  • Funny! I like the internal thought, ending in a confession. Well done!

  • Great! „she had been dying to do that!“ that‘s my favorite sentence. Really well done.

  • Susanne commented on the post, Lucky Man 3 weeks, 6 days ago

    Hi, this could come straight out of the Great Gatsby! Well done. Good story and true to the period.

  • Time seemed to fly on Moon McFarlane’s coffee date with Skip, the LA Tribune’s investigative reporter. Both were sounding each other out. Skip had plunged into the cold water first. Now was Moon’s moment of truth […]

    • Perfect! I’m so glad she didn’t tell! And yes, Moon deserves to have her story ( and good advice) continue. Besides, I want to know how she and Skip manage together!

    • Cute and fun way to end the 30-days. I would like to see where this coffee date leads, but I came in fully warned. 😀

    • ah, to be continued. Is this your 2022 52scenes project??? I wonder if Moon will ever tell Skip.

    • Hahaha well played, Moon
      I hope I get to see her again soon
      What a joy

    • This has been such a fun series. I’m glad Moon didn’t give up her secret too soon. Fun ending. Well done.

    • Oh a cliffhanger! Thanks Ms Agony!! I may just have to write a Dear Abby letter!! I am glad she didn’t reveal the secret too soon though. I hope you’ll continue – this is definitely a fun story idea for a whole book! Well done!

  • Susanne commented on the post, Countdown 3 weeks, 6 days ago

    Hi Zannie, karma isn’t what it used to be 🙂 great story! Yay for finishing the 30 days.

  • Hi Juanita, the last line is a cliffhanger – Jane is right, you could continue the story. Yay for finishing your flash fiction!

  • Awww, I am so happy for both of them! So cute. Azlan is a real savior , just like his namesake. Jane, this is a marvellous series and it has been great fun to read all of it. Becky is right, you should turn this into a novella & publish it!

  • HI Ben, great scene! I could see that scene between Matt and Kate in cinemascope. And Pierre seeing the two of them…perfect. Now I wonder if Pierre is turning itno the good guy again…and how this story will end…only 7 more scenes to go! Isn’t it awesome?

  • HI Becky, the hunt is back on – I am so glad. I like how Bob teaches research to Maisie. And I am curious how Bryan is going to pan out in the remaining scenes.

  • HI Melanie, a good scene showing how confused and stressed Anne is. I usually like your descriptions but here I found two sentences I liked especially: “She puts this to the back of her mind to join the cacophony of thoughts crammed into there.” “Once the smoothies are done, the ringing continues in Anne’s ears. She presses the palms of her hand o…[Read more]

  • A cliffhanger that leaves a lot to our imagination…well done!

  • Hi Becky, I like that your MC is a very wholesome person…First Body is fed, then the mind. I was wondering about your last sentence, “processed” seems awkward to me because it is the food that is processed. Maybe “processing” is better? What do you think?

  • I love this stream-of-consciousness description of “seeing” and then the deflating last line. Brilliant.

  • HI Nina, great PE Blend, as usual! I loved the description of the “unforgiving chair”…I know many of those…I was wondering, Is Arthur a mentor whom PE wants? Or is he rather a mentee for PE? I think I have to go back and reread…I think I missed sth about Arthur…

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Susanne

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@susanne-bennett

Active 15 hours, 42 minutes ago
Short Story : 6
Poetry : 11
WTC : 0
52 Scenes : 47
Dialogue : 14
Flash Fiction : 30