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  • Thanks, Deryn. Good luck to you, too! I am not in the SS, though. That would‘ve been too much. Do you do all three? I amazed at how someone can manage it…

  • Well done, you’ve got it solved then. Good job! Looking forward to the next scene…

  • You are very welcome. And I thank you for your constructive feedback to my scenes!

  • Hi Melanie, thanks for putting the finger into the weak spot! Very good point about the traditions. I think, originally, I wanted to show that Lilli is not so clear-cut on these things. Now I wonder if I should simply chuck the bit about “the old and the new, the borrowed and the blue”. Maybe that’s just confusing / distracting. And, as Deryn has…[Read more]

  • Hi Deryn,
    so glad you liked my scene. You are quite right, it needs editing. This is a scene that I wrote at the last minute – because I suddenly realized that the scene I had actually written didn’t quite connect to scene 2. I needed something to go in between. Good point about paragraph 2 _ I had been wondering about that, too. It would…[Read more]

  • Hi Becky, thank you for reading. I am glad this story resonnates with you, that is a great compliment! Thanks for giving me ideas for improvement. I will edit as I have time – at the moment time is scarce though and my priority is to have a new scene each week… but you are quite right about transitions. I had to whip this scene up in a hurry. I…[Read more]

  • HI Melanie,
    I have enjoyed reading this. The talk at the dinner table is so much like at our house! Especially the different strategies of avoiding green veggies! On the whole, this was a fast delightful read. I noticed some minor points where I didn’t really get stuck but I stopped reading for a second, so I will mention those in case you might…[Read more]

  • Susanne and Profile picture of MelanieMelanie are now friends 5 days, 14 hours ago

  • Hi Melanie,
    sorry that it took me so long to respond. Germany is in a lockdown right now, and my boy is in homeschooling….To your scene: I really like the way you have created all these characters and how you have them interact with each other. They seem so alive! Oh I miss having those kaffeeklatsches….Corinna seems larger than life, like…[Read more]

  • HI Elaine,
    great scene! I love your story and can’t wait to read more…be sure to tell me when the book comes out 😉
    The chase and the scene in the pub are well-crafted. The end of chapter 3 with the bike magazine upside down is a really good hanger.
    I was wondering a bit as to why the copy of the Xrays will be a problem. If your MC takes…[Read more]

  • HI MIa,
    I am reading your scenes backwards…having read scene2 first, I was hooked and wanted to read your beginning. My expectations were not diasppointed in the least!!! A racy read. It reminds me a bit of all those templar fantasy books I’ve read and I love it. Am excited to hear about who killed Nell’s mom and about Nell’s special powers.

  • Matron Saints 3/52 by Susanne Bennett

    #

    The following night Lilli was haunted by pictures and stories of her parents’ wedding. It had been a small wedding at St. John’s, the tiniest of churches in Bad Gla […]

    • Hi Susanne,
      I was born and raised Catholic, with rural blue-collar parents, so much of your story resonnates with me. For example, I like this line: “She had sent her little girl to confession every Sunday before mass. So often, that little 8-year-old Trudi ran out of things to confess. So, she made them up.”
      –Perhaps you could use a different transition here, or make it more gradual? I was surprised by the pull out of Trudi’s story back to Lilli: “When Lilli woke up the next morning,”
      –Maybe you could explain how the earrings matched with her necklace? Same color gold? Are they part of a set somehow?
      I want to know more about Lilli’s sister. I bet we will meet her at some point! How did their mother know it would be Lilli keeping and using the dress?
      I’m glad Lilli got the earrings, even if she can’t use the dress. I look forward to her adventures next week!
      -Becky

      • Hi Becky, thank you for reading. I am glad this story resonnates with you, that is a great compliment! Thanks for giving me ideas for improvement. I will edit as I have time – at the moment time is scarce though and my priority is to have a new scene each week… but you are quite right about transitions. I had to whip this scene up in a hurry. I had already written a scene and then realized that I had skipped a scene…I know Mia said we don’t have to write the scenes in the order they’re meant to appear but I am forcing myself to do so. Otherwise, I’d be all over the place…

    • Hi Susanne – there is a lot in this week’s scene that could perhaps be condensed – the Lutheran vs Catholic story and I wonder if paragaph 2 shouldn’t be your opening one? Everything is here but it feels a bit ‘ messy’ and needs tightening up. There is so much amazing symbolism (maybe not always intentional, but there) in your scenes – the disintegration of Lilli’s dreams mirrored in the moth eaten dress, is one example…I wonder if you can bring that out more (same as the pantry scenes – the complete collapse /falling around her ears of the past)… But am sure it will all weave together in time…Well done.

      • Hi Deryn,
        so glad you liked my scene. You are quite right, it needs editing. This is a scene that I wrote at the last minute – because I suddenly realized that the scene I had actually written didn’t quite connect to scene 2. I needed something to go in between. Good point about paragraph 2 _ I had been wondering about that, too. It would certainly prevent the reader from going too much back and forth timewise. Have to think about that. I am glad you like the symbolism. As a reader, I am very much into symbols , somehow it’s crept into my writing as well…what do you mean by bringing it out more? Is the symbolism mentioned too casually?

        • Hi Susanne, If I got it, then others obviously will too, so maybe you should leave the symbolim as implied and subtle and not labour the point. Good luck for this Weds! (and 12SS and poetry next week…!!)

          • Thanks, Deryn. Good luck to you, too! I am not in the SS, though. That would‘ve been too much. Do you do all three? I amazed at how someone can manage it…

    • Hi Susanne,
      Well done for making me cry on a Thursday afternoon.
      I simply love the symbolism in your story from the shattering preserves to the unraveling dress. From the moment the moth escapes the box, it is clear that Lilli is in for another disappointment. The Catholic/Lutheran bigotry resonated with me. I had a grandmother like that. That’s the reason my uncle could not marry his first love.
      I notice that Lilli, as a Lutheran, does not believe in the superstition that a wedding dress made by the bride brings back luck, but in the next paragraph, she talks about how she needs ‘something old, something new, something borrowed etc.’, also a superstition. Is this on purpose?

      • Hi Melanie, thanks for putting the finger into the weak spot! Very good point about the traditions. I think, originally, I wanted to show that Lilli is not so clear-cut on these things. Now I wonder if I should simply chuck the bit about “the old and the new, the borrowed and the blue”. Maybe that’s just confusing / distracting. And, as Deryn has pointed out quite correctly, the scene needs editing anyway…sorry about making you cry 😉 But then, making someone cry just shows that the story has an emotional impact. And about that I am glad!

    • Hi Susanne, If I got it, then others obviously will too, so maybe you should leave the symbolim as implied and subtle and not labour the point. Good luck for this Weds! (and 12SS and poetry next week…!!)

  • Hmm…now I am intrigued to read the first scene – well done, Mia! Just a note about the flowers: I googled it and it seems that a lot of people missppell the botanical name and talk about it as “Agaparthus”. So maybe both exist in spoken language. Just something to bear in mind. Which doesn’t mean that you cannot give it your own meaning, of course.

  • HI Deryn,
    thanks for reading my scene, I am glad you liked it. You are quite right about Lilli’s future. Spoiler: Lilli will find out how much her past has a hold over her. It will come up constantly and she has to make decisions about how much past she wants in her future.
    Thanks for the heads-up about the fiancé – I think I will have to…[Read more]

  • Hi Becky, I can’t tell you just now, can I? 😉 You’re going to have to read on!
    Thanks for letting me know about Cinderella. You assumed correctly but maybe I wasn’t clear enough here. I meant that John is her gallant knight who comes to her even when she isn’t very presentable. You are quite correct in thinking that her wedding won’t be that…[Read more]

  • Hi Melanie, thanks for your comment. I am glad you liked my scene. And I am glad you know about the mincer! 😉 Very German…

  • HI Sharon,
    I don’t want to repeat what the others have said before me. I like how you describe the worries about the major life change both for the parents and for Shelly. I noticed that you never give the names of the parents – did you do that on purpose? If not, then I as a reader would appreciate to know who “they” are. This doesn’t have to be…[Read more]

  • Hi Melanie,
    thanks! I am afraid I will have to turn you down on the detective story….unless you consider the reader a detective who will find out so much about this family.But the other references are there for a reason…so read on 😉

  • Hi Mustang, thanks for reading my scene. I am glad you liked it! I am happy to read that you enjoyed reading about the chaos and the safety of the wedding dress. I was hoping people would have such an emotional reaction.

  • Hi Elaine, thanks for reading my scene. You are raising some very good points and I need to think about them. I am just not sure if I have time to edit my first scene with a new scene coming up each week! I might just edit as I have time…but that’s hard to find with Germany going into a tougher lockdown and homeschooling….

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Susanne

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