• Hi Deryn, no, I don’t htink the familiarity between Terrance and Fran is too much. Yes, at first you think Terrance is a bit too blunt but then you tell us that he’s known Duncan and Bernard for almost all their lives. And he clearly likes Fran. I think he’s just trying to clear the air so that his project runs smoothly. I would leave the tone as…[Read more]

  • Hi Ben, I think you did well with that change of Tamara’s whereabouts. I stillmarvel at your descriptions…the PVC bikini and then Kate’s bodily reaction to it, the way you describe Tamara’s reaction to motherhood, and then the beach and sealife. So vivid, I am there! Wonder what the argument between Matt and Tamara is about…I bet we will find…[Read more]

  • HI Becky, this week, your scene falls into two parts: the first one is very dense with description and internal thought but written in the 3rd person. I found that hard to get into and I don’t really know why…wonder if it would make a difference if you could give us Maisie’s thoughts straight from her brain, as internal monologue?The scond part…[Read more]

  • Hi Melanie,
    this scene is marvelous. There are so many things in there…so many small details, that I don’t know where to start…Anne is very perceptive – she notices the kids are stocking up on sweets, the level of the strawberry punch has dropped significantly…and she realizes Anton’s true nature. I am so glad for her to be there. Don’t…[Read more]

  • Hi Melanie, I can’t believe I missed this scene last week…sorry my comments come so late. Your scene is wonderful. As a German, I have to say that you portrayed the Eurovison festivities perfectly! And the episode of Anne as a child watching all those great European TV shows is also very authentic – my childhood exactly! I wonder of the others…[Read more]

  • 38_
     
    After the lesson, Lilli sank into in deep thought for the remainder of the day. During her lunch break in school, she barely managed the barest of conversations with her colleagues. After her last lesson, […]

    • Hi Susanne,
      John knows as well, doesn’t he, that she Lilli is pregnant? When Lilli went into the pantry, I feared for a moment that everything would come crashing down again. Bit that is were all the important things are. Her mother’s dress. I remember this is not the first letter she finds in there.
      Everything is coming together nicely. Well done.

      I wonder, when you are talking about the mid eighteenth century photos, maybe you mean mid-nineteenth century photos, as in 18xx. I don’t think there were photos in the 17xx’s.

    • Hi Susanne, Oh my yes, the idea that one can drive for miles and not be conscious of driving…you captured it well! I like the concept of interstellar tumbleweed carried over from last scene. Oh boy, do I want to know what’s in those letters! I feel a big surprise coming. I’m seeing another similarity with our stories (journal = photo album). And, thanks for reminding me that I will get 2 mother’s days now (I suppose that means there are 2 father’s days, too). When I was in London 2 years ago, I happened to be here when it was mother’s day, and for a while I was wondering why they started selling Mother’s Day gifts/items so early. Quick typo fix for you: “albul” should be album.

      • Nope, Becky – Fathers’ Day is the same all over the world! UK celebrates Mothering Sunday in March, Mothers’ Day eslewhere (including in SA) is in May !

    • Hi Susanne, oh my, those kids really rattled Lilli’s thinking (as kids do of course) with their interpretation of family.
      Damn John for coming home on time, we need to know what’s in the letters 😊

    • Hi Susanne – I was also sorry John came home – that time just sitting and going thro old photos and letters is so transporting…I also felt transported whwn Lilli drove home on ‘auto pilot’… how often have we all done that?

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  • „Hear ye, hear ye!“

    Lilli stepped into her classroom as the student heralded her.

    “The Mistress of Revels has arrived!”

    Lilli plopped her bag onto the desk and straightened her velvet cap. Wonder if this st […]

    • Hi Susanne I love these glimpses into Lilli’s school life and how much she loves the kids. There are many teachers can only dream of having learners as imaginative and receptive s these guys! Ffun but making a point about names, which Lilli would do well to take on board!

    • Wow Susanne! I think you have the most fun with these classroom scenes. So so creative, just like Lilli’s students. I like this, “Where you come from is meaningless compared to who you want to be. ” I love the whole concept of “Romiet and Julio”. Just so clever. While I do think Lilli could learn from her students (and the MCs) entirely scrapping tradition and names, a part of me hopes she hangs on to a little family past and tradition, doesn’t have to be with her last name. But don’t listen to me, I’m adverse to conflict! I also wonder what the Matron Saints think about all this (the MCs verses the MSs — haha). Superb scene!

    • Hi Susanne, that was so much fun and so creative! Although I was slightly alarmed by kids bringing nunchakus into school, I hope they’re the harmless rubber kind. I also loved the underlying discussion where Lilli errs on the side of tradition whilst the kids are rewriting the rules and making such a compelling argument to do away with family names. I wonder how Lilli is going to react to that…

    • Hi Susanne,
      This is great. The student should come dressed up like this to her wedding. Such great costumes. Seems like the young are the wise here. But they do have a point. This ties in nicely with Lilli’s dilemma.
      You should write a timetravel mash up as a sideline. Honestly!

  • Hi Becky, this delightful read seems to be the opener for something longer…that little girl is so cute and the way Seraphina finds out that her mom did have a life of her own is also lovely to read. What I am trying to say: please write more about that friednship about to evolve! Really like enjoyed reading this. 🙂

  • “One lump or two?” Bertha’s words made her choke as soon as they had come out. “Well, you got both implants out, right? Was there anything else?”

    “Yes, I got them out.” The surgeon smiled. “And no, I didn’t se […]

    • Beautiful work here. Such grace. I took care of my grandfather when he was dying and your story took me back there, the immense gift of being there.

    • This is such a moving story. You really feel the love between Bertha and her daughters. It really feels like you are drawn into their lives. Beautifully written and life like.

    • Becky replied 1 week ago

      Hi Susanne, lovely, moving story. This was a great line, “Yet love works miracles and moves mountains but not cancer cells. ” I wonder how why the daughters had been instructed on dealing with death already, or maybe they’d just talked and prepped alot with Bertha for her own death? I like how you jump right in with dialogue and specific details (the silicone leaking). Well done!

  • HI Lucy, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. I love stories about friendship. I think this has the potential to be expanded. Why not write a whole series about the Knit and Knatter Club? I think that would be great fun. Meeting Mary when she was alive would be great fun.

  • HI Melanie, I am glad I know you will continue this scene or I would have been dying to find out what was in the parcel… 😉 Your ending is more of a hook than an ending ! I am sure you will tell us in one of your next stories. This story is well-written, I can see a lot of dialogue (guess you enjoyed the dialogue challenge 😉 ) and it suits the…[Read more]

  • Oh Good! Can you see how I am rubbing my hands and chuckling mischievously?

  • HI Ben, I am so glad we get another scene from you! I was beginning to miss Dream Weaver…this scene has more of those wonderful descriptions and I bet the next scene will show us what the people see on their dive. I am glad to see a different side of Pierre. Up to now he was only steering the boat and now he is also contributing to the voyage.…[Read more]

  • HI Becky,
    this is a very interesting scene. For someone who finds people difficult, I find it interesting that Maisie is able to tap into body language / context clues. But then, maybe that’s just it: if you see too many context clues, it’s easy to be overwhelmed. In this scene I am glad Maisie and Mom were able to connect at a deeper level.…[Read more]

  • HI Deryn, I like this “new” Fran. I am glad she is woke and ready to take charge of her life. The way she handles herself here is great! The description of her plans for this African project sound amazing – I actually want to see the finished product 😉 I sense that there’s going to be a genuine talk with Duncan coming up and I am already…[Read more]

  • HI Becky, I love that Maisie and her Mom have a good talk. I enjoyed Mom wanting to be close to her girls – in other scenes she had seemed a bit aloof and even apart from her girls. The way Masie is “tabling” Colleen makes me know she will call her nonetheless…and I look forward to it!

  • Hi Melanie, I am so looking forward to your scene with the Eurovision party! Do you have them at your home? I also enjoyed Anne being a bit mischievous about handing over over-sugaed kids to her Mother-in-law…About this scene: I feel you could expand this in your second draft because there are a lot of gems in her that don’t seem to get the…[Read more]

  • Yes, that sounds perfect!

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Susanne

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@susanne-bennett

Active 8 hours, 21 minutes ago
Short Story : 4
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Dialogue : 14
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