What a beautiful blend of ideas from multiple sources. I like the way your short lines create a visual path winding from one quote or allusion to the next. Multiple childhood friends revisited, this is a delightful journey!

Hello Susan,
Your first verse is really good – I like your definition for the start of any journey beginning with ‘in’. Clever!

I was transported immediately into the land of stories.
(If only I could, “Let go and find [myself] for the first time,” I might be able to think up some new ones for myself.)

I really enjoyed the way you brought in different references and fantasies. Examples of letting go and trusting the world around you.

I feel this was a piece of a bigger story. I was surprised when it ended. I wanted more. I don’t think Dizzy will ever improve her disposition. My daughter see the cup half full, but my son always sees the cup half empty. That just how people are, they don’t change. Enjoyed the story.

Now I have to see the movie Phenomenon.

I enjoyed this. The banter between sisters seemed spot on. I’ve never seen the movie, but now I think I want to. 🙂

Love that MOVIE!!! Thanks for the story, too. LOL

Dang, I want to hear the songs they picked over diner. The only thing I like better than a good movie, or book is MUSIC.

The Dialog between the sisters is great. Not that I have sisters, but it seems real.

Thanksgiving dinner at my house was never this organized.

I agree there is too much competition.I like the rhythm.

Hello Susan,
I like the way your repetitions drive home the poem’s message. And the bookending of the two ‘when’s.

truth expressed beautifully-sinks in !

I like this. After a couple of reads I began to play with the words in my head, to see if a subtle change would make a difference, like changing “not what I know” to “not what I knew” or “remember” to “regain” or “return” It’s good, but I feel if you play with it a bit it will be great.

There is a lot of tension in this story. As I read on I was glad to finally see that something was at stake. You might want to see about the “standing” confusion and repetition in the sentence “… her left hand reached out and grabbed the doorknob with a death grip and pulled the door all the way open and stood before the darkness staring back at her as she stood in the vague glow of the rising moon.” where it seems as if the hand is standing before the darkness. Also note the switch from past to present tense in the line “…she was sure it was over and that they were gone, but they are not.” I enjoyed the fine writing. Cheers!

Hi Susan,
I enjoyed your story. I liked not knowing exactly what was happening, and what they/them (the enemy) was. I could feel the confusion of the main character. Well done building suspense! There were a couple places you slipped into present tense, but for the most part it was consistently in past tense. You also did a good job staying in 3rd person, except when talking/thinking in quotes. Thanks for your story! I honestly have a headache from heat right now–crazy coincidence!

Lovely poem Susan. I enjoyed the images that go well with your picture and the sense of hope you end with for future generations.

I loved the million white stars line.

Thanks for sharing.

beautiful poem full o colorful imagery, a pleasure to read

Hello Susan,
I particularly like the lines: ‘A million white stars / Perched upon thin white pillars’, but the other images are also good. And the final line is very relevant. Good poem.

Susan,
Do I have another “lover of Spring?” I liked your poem, fresh and clean and full of images.
Best to you,
Wanda Lovan

Your poem brought back so many memories of my childhood, A million tiny wishes, How many times we wished on a dandelion and blew on the stars, scattering the seeds. Thank you for reminding me of such carefree times.

Hi Susan,
This was a great story and very thoughtful. I didn’t expect the ending, which complemented what had gone on before beautifully. Thank you for a very interesting story. If I’m honest, when I started to read, I made an assumption as to how the tale was going to turn out and I was totally wrong. This was a refreshing read.

Oh, this was lovely 🙂 A very heartwarming tale that gives insight into the questioning, adolescent mind and religion. I thoroughly enjoyed it, and Sarah is a wonderful character, who probably has a lot more to say about the Catholic church.

I think your story would benefit from one more round of editing as I picked up on a few typos. A few commas in your detailed descriptions would be my only other constructive feedback.

I would love to hear more about what Sarah has to say. This story really reminded me of the book ‘Sophie’s World’, which is about a young girl’s perceptions on philosophy. If you haven’t read it, I’m sure you would love it!

I love the threads of philosophy running through this thoughtful but well told story. A great read.

Very interesting conversation. Youth v Exerience,perhaps.
I have similar thoughts about Truth. Is there any such thing as absolute Truth.? Is it subjective or objective?
I like the way you set the story in a peaceful surroundings so the enormous issues are discussed rationally by both sides. Who is right?………

Wow!! love the sassiness, & the clever use of song titles. Maybe your use of Strange Fruit is a bit jarring to anyone who knows that song?

Hi Susan

Ha! Now that’s a clever take in the prompt. I love so many of the standards from the Nat era!

Martin

Very clever, great interpretation of the prompt, well done.

Hi Susan
I enjoyed reading your poem. Keep up the good work.
Best to you,
Wanda Lovan

So very clever to put together song titles! It infuses your words with their music! I like it!

So clever. It sounds like it should be put to music. I love this.

Oh! The joys of Sweet Lorraine, how wonderful – you did a fantastic poem. It flows and sends the reader to a street to watch her. I want to know Sweet Lorraine!

Hello Susan,
This is fun. I very much like the drawl of the accent throughout the poem and the way you’ve used all those other song titles. Well done.

Oh my. Love this. I can see her strutting down the street in a dress of many colors, and maybe a purple feather boa around her neck. So much fun to imagine. Thank you for that.

Hi Susan,
I liked your piece. It was a good example of girlie chatter. Made me think about my own weight issues:-) I did get a little confused as to who was speaking in the middle. I wonder whether that could be improved by the dialogue by the same person being continued rather than putting it in a new paragraph. But I’m no grammar expert. Thanks for sharing this.

I like that the weight discussion goes in an unexpected direction and talks about different reactions to COVID. I know some people who really used the time to exercise rather than put on weight from not moving, too. it doesn’t get into heavy issues of self worth and she’s still having fun. Thanks for sharing1

I loved the balance in this piece. These girls have each other for moral support. Love Lucy’s positivity and her approach to dealing with adversity through self care.

As for suggestions, I would offer to double-check the verb tense in the opening paragraph where you use present tense, but it seems to be the only place that you do. And then where Lucy says “Oh, Rats” I wondered if you intended the comma after “Oh” to be a period.

Neither of those affected the overall story at all. It is well done and I enjoyed it very much.

Gorgeous poem Susan. I too love the line about the spirit soaring. I can feel the connection through your words and they leave me with a wonderful peace in my heart.

I enjoyed the rhythm and rhyme of your piece and can feel the spirits near me. Thanks for sharing.

Your spirit soars the winds and sails the sky. I love this image. Your poem is so lovely. I like the repetition.

Hello Susan,
I like the way you’ve arranged the stanzas – it disguises the repetitions which a villanelle demands and which can overpower it. It’s a lovely peaceful poem

Hi Susan. The imagery in your poem is beautiful; I especially love your opening line, and the theme of travel that runs through it.
The division of the lines into stanzas that are not standard for a villanelle is quite an interesting twist.
Normally I like to use contrasting rhymes in a villanelle, but here you’ve used rhymes that are very similar to each other, and I feel like it actually works quite lovely, as it builds on and maintains the peaceful almost ethereal atmosphere.
My only suggestion is to perhaps use your repeated lines in such a way that they flow a little more naturally (fitting in to the surrounding lines, if that makes sense) rather than feeling just like a line that is randomly repeated.
But I really love the mood of your poem, this would make a lovely song!

What a tribute, a story within and beside and behind a story. The addition of poetry, crafted and quoted, is powerful. You kept your balance throughout. And you allow for the terrible sorrow, the anguish, of grieving.

Oh, Susan, how awful for you, for his family and friends. What a perfect form to shape his story. Much love to you, to him.

Dear Susan, maybe you wished you had more to say. I think you are saying quite a lot. My prayers go out to you and your nephew.

I so hope that Ilia will be restored to you. Yours is a heartfelt poem and I am grateful to you for sharing your prayer with us.

Praying with you. Your acrostic poem says so much.