Very good, it flowed smoothly. In one sentence you used stress three times. You might want to consider anxious about, worried about instead. A good Thesaurus helps. I can see that Kas is going to help him strengthen his power. There is a lot of ways this could play out. I can’t wait.

Hi Suchita, a nice scene giving more depth and background to Ben’s character. The dialogue flows nicely, as always. However there are some weird spacing issues, might have been just an auto-formatting thing, where a new paragraph begins but its the same person speaking, and it could get a bit confusing. And I could have used a bit more description of the terrain they are hiking/camping in. I imagine its a forest, but it wasn’t clear to me. Truly can’t find anything else I didn’t like about the scene! Well done 🙂

I enjoyed this scene. Watch the word ‘and’. Best example – I am quiet and serious and she’s pure unadulterated joy. The second ‘and is not needed. I am quiet and serious, she’s pure unadulterated joy. I like how she remembers why she didn’t spend more time outdoors.

Hi, Suchita. This is a lovely scene, it’s a nice pause, for reflection, for catching up, for resting, after the action from last scene. I have an issue with “she brushed her skin off” – I would suggest “she brushed a bug off her skin”, instead.
I like how she described her parents. Even before this, I was wondering if she was being a bit harsh on her mom when I got the impression she’s the reliable, practical one.

Beautifully written. I loved how you included the smells and the tastes… they made everything more visceral and really pulled me into your scene.

Hi Suchita, Great scene! I enjoyed seeing how things played out at the train station, very exciting, and well-planned. I have a feeling tossing away that phone will come back to haunt her!

There were a couple of minor editing things that tripped me up: for example, when Rob said he liked her, I wasn’t immediately sure who was talking, him or Kas. Near the end, you repeat “Any minute now” a couple of times fairly close together.

Overall a very strong scene and I can’t wait to see where it takes Kas and Ben next.

The second sentence is one very long run on sentence see if you can break it up.
While Has is strained she went to the train station not the strain station. They took you, not take you into questioning.
The sentence starting with ‘It” then going on to ‘given her.’ agin could be broken up into more than one sentence.
Good use of suspense through out the scene. I like it.

Hi, Suchita. I really enjoyed this scene. Love the way you built up tension in this scene, how she handles the train ride, the swapping of clothes, and loses them at the train station. I’m glad she threw away the phone, though I probably would have thrown away everything, I’d be that paranoid (drugged sweets! bugged army knife!).
You had a typo at “the strain station.”

Hello Suchita, a turning point in the story! Excited to see what is to come for Ben and Kas. Nice imagery of Kas examining her thoughts like “pearls.” Dialogue is spot on. Too bad about Dash, but I am glad Kas is starting to listen to her gut more. Great scene!

Great scene, it makes to a nice turning point. I should have never taken as many editorial courses as I have. There are several run on sentences. Look at every time you use the word ‘and’. Can you use another word? Do you have several sentences strung together? I know it sounds picky but it will save you in the long run if you make some of these changes in this first draft. I really like the idea of a writing retreat. I wish I could go on one.

Hi Suchita, You did a good job of showing her isolation (even if it’s self-protection) and loneliness. What do you mean “Not like with Danny?” Are you implying Ben didn’t feel guilty about what happened to him?
I laughed at writing camp. Haven’t we all gone or dreamed about a writing retreat? Nice out!