• It’s a great story. Poor Gul, nothing was easy for him. Not even death. I enjoyed reading I, but one thing that detracts from the story is editing. With proper editing, this can be a masterpiece. For example, some of your paragraphs are too long. It’s better to start a new thought from a new para. I also noticed a few run-on sentences. Other than…[Read more]

  • Great story. I loved the descriptions. You really put the reader into your protagonist’s mind. And the ending is just gold. Thank you for sharing.

  • Thank you! I’m glad you enjoyed it.

  • Waking Up by Fizza Younis

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    I sit up straight in bed and rub my eyes, feeling drained even though I’ve only just woken up. Stretching, I yawn and reach for my mobile phone that’s sitting on the side table. As […]

    • wow scary, frightening, well written, enjoyed it very much. You write effectively

    • That is a twisted tale that gives the reader no room for comfort. I love it. I think the line “How can I remember someone I’ve never met? And why am I so sure he is my dead husband?” felt really strong. I wonder if it could even be the opener to land the reader right in the centre of the maelstrom. I dont have much to add by way of critique as its working exceptionally well as it is.

    • Thank you!

    • Confusing dark and terrible. I was hooked from the beginning and absorbed in every twist and turn. Great work.

    • Hi Fizza, great tension as your MC shuttles between worlds/realities. Now that you have me hooked I hope there will be a new installment with the next prompt! You have the makings of a great thriller!

  • Hi Amrita,
    This is a very well-written piece. I loved the tension you have created here. You have given us enough back story and introduced your character so well, which made it all the more enjoyable. I also loved the message of the story. And what an apt ending; very fitting. I can’t think of any suggestions or anything to add. You have done a…[Read more]

  • Wow, I love it! The dialogue is perfect. I enjoyed how Rose and James interact with each other. This is a lovely scene and I think you ended it on the right note; creating a little suspense for the future. I’d look forward to what happens next. Thank you for sharing.

  • Hello,
    I’m well. I hope you are too. That’s great to hear because I also find it more difficult to write in present tense, but for this story I felt it’s the right choice. Thank you! And yes, I plan to continue this story. *fingers crossed*

  • Hello,
    Thank you for reading and your kind comment. I’m so glad you liked it. I plan to continue the story so stay tuned. And as for that particular sentence, the ‘made my bed’ is a figure of speech here. Sorry if that’s not obvious. I will think about rephrasing it. Thanks again!

  • This is brilliant! I loved the story and both the characters. You have conveyed such a beautiful message here, and I really enjoyed the overall feel of the story and your writing style. Such an amazing story. Thank you for sharing.

  • Thank you! And yes, I plan to continue the story using the second prompt. So, let’s see where this goes. 😉

  • Fizza Younis commented on the post, you by Kendra 1 month ago

    This is brilliant! I enjoyed the story and loved the message. The concept of ‘You’ and ‘One’ is very well done. Great story. Thank you for sharing.

  • On The Other Side by Fizza Younis

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    When you hate someone so much that you can’t stand to see their face and yet, some dark twist of fate force you to live in the same house. That’s a tragedy. Every time you int […]

    • I’m interested to see how this story would develop further! I also really like this main character; I find her really relatable. I wish you had given more details to explain out your intro, but I can see how that would be expanded on in a longer story.

    • Oh wow, you had me wondering from the start (since the genre was fantasy) where this was (is) going. She lives with someone she hates, but seems to be living alone (yikes!) given the paragraph about the parents (very nicely described relationship I might add) I thought the mystery man might be her father, but no it’s the husband she didn’t doesn’t no longer now has…. hmm I am guessing this is an idea you plan to develop further?

    • Hi Fizza,
      How’ve you been? You did great in writing in present tense. Honestly, I find it more challenging to write in present tense than in the past. So kudos to you. Please tell me you’ll continue this one? This story has so much potential and it’s sci-fi. So you know I’ll be looking for more of it. 😀
      Thanks for sharing.

      • Hello,
        I’m well. I hope you are too. That’s great to hear because I also find it more difficult to write in present tense, but for this story I felt it’s the right choice. Thank you! And yes, I plan to continue this story. *fingers crossed*

    • Hi Fizza,
      Phew! That was one heck of a read! I loved the aura of suspense and mystery you have created. When the story started, it was a little slow for me but then the phone call and the story picked up pace. I love the way you etched out your MC’s emotions, her fear, confusion – all of it. Just one small thing, these lines – “It wasn’t a straightforward choice, but I made my bed.” I was wondering if you needed the first half of the sentence. If you wish to retain it, maybe use some other phrase like – “I shivered as I made my bed.” Or perhaps, “I couldn’t think straight as I made my bed.” Just a suggestion, it’s your call really.
      The twists that you spring towards the second half of the story makes the reader jump in their seat. Who is the man? I hope you will continue the story. An exciting read! Thank you for sharing!

      • Hello,
        Thank you for reading and your kind comment. I’m so glad you liked it. I plan to continue the story so stay tuned. And as for that particular sentence, the ‘made my bed’ is a figure of speech here. Sorry if that’s not obvious. I will think about rephrasing it. Thanks again!

  • Wow, that’s an emotional read. I loved how you have portrayed the artist and the writing just flowed beautifully. And what an unexpected ending, very well done. I enjoyed it a lot. Thanks for sharing.

  • Thank you for the feedback. I’m glad you enjoyed it. 🙂

  • Such a beautiful story and you have captured the dynamic of a messy family so well. I loved it! Thank you for sharing.

  • Oh, such a sad story. The emotions in this piece are palpable. And the ending is perfect. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Although I do feel that you should tighten it up a little. I know word count can be a challenge but now you are free to do some editing. 😉 Otherwise, it’s a strong, emotional piece. Thank you for sharing.

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Fizza Younis

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@storieswithsoul

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