• Hi Ana
    Interesting take to show us the cat’s perspective and then Trinity’s perspective. There seem to be a lot of cats that this family knows or do they own them all?
    Great fictional “slice of life” story.

  • Hi Amrita
    Thank you for your kind and interesting observations. I didn’t notice the lack of “scientific tinge” but I’ll take your word for it and I appreciate the compliment! As for the ending, when Samantha shows up, she’s puzzled to find James sitting with Marley because he’s been texting her that he was looking for her. She’d been having a…[Read more]

  • Hi Ben
    Thanks, the story seemed to work as intended. I actually started it making Marley the observer but then I went back and changed it so that he hit on her too…so that’s probably why the story seemed to go in one direction first.
    Thanks for your feedback!!

  • Hi Jane,
    Thanks for the encouragement. I appreciate your feedback and the fact that you picked up on how some people become disinhibited at conferences…thanks for the feedback!

  • Hi Marilyn,
    The action is ramping up and the clues are coming fast and furious now. I had the same impressions as Ben about the story so far. But what is the tie between Liz and Sheerna Parente? How would Phoenix know to go there?
    Great twists so far

  • HI Becky,
    That was a great scene. I loved the tension , the half-sentences, the mother’s absolute refusal to listen to Maisie about Colleen. I wondered whether there was a reason that her mother didn’t want to speak with her that has to do with knowledge that she has. Also, yes, Colleen was so forthcoming, perhaps we should wonder if it was too…[Read more]

  • Hey Kathy,
    That was fun. You left the sudden surprise there at the end and it startled me. So that was done very well. You really write action in a way that is quite exciting. You lull us first and then strike!! The first section was a lot of backstory, which got a little dense. You flipped around on the tenses a little at the end of the…[Read more]

  • HI Jan,
    Beautiful. The tension between Robert and Vivien has been building, so this outburst if finally a release but leaves us with new questions. What is Vivien’s understanding of the results? She seems to think that Robert cheated on her but maybe not with a woman? Is that what she meant when she said that is the one true statement you made?…[Read more]

  • Hi Hanri,
    This was a great scene where we learn that Alma and Michael are in the public eye and their case would garner a lot of unwanted publicity . It’s great that we hear that Alma is leaving Amanda’s office more conflicted, but it should be a little bit more articulated about specific aspects that bother her most. The description of…[Read more]

  • Hi Nina,
    Wow, the waiting, the longing, the anxiety, the dread…it was all there. Clarissa has a feeling and she’s probably right that this is something different from his other escapades where he loses track of time. And it was good that you reminded us about Alden’s message re the state pen guy–helps to amp up the tension. The scene with…[Read more]

  • The courage and resilience of Zelda astound me constantly. How she can still be the understanding parent in the face of exhaustion and overwhelm? Your dialogue is natural and flows well.
    very touching and sad.
    great, moving scene

  • Hi Julie,
    You’re doing a great job of having us feel sorry for both Roman and Bridget. Ted seems like a wonderful man from her past. and the lone figure wandering away tells us all we need to know about him But even though I feel so sorry for Roman and how tough life is for him “You can stay one night!” , it’s not enough to wish that Bridget…[Read more]

  • Hi Peggy,
    There are quite a few characters in the past few scenes and you’ve done a great job keeping them all straight. I have lost track of where Minsang is at the moment. Is she in the apartment? Did Magera and Benji leave her by herself? Your description of the homeland security guys was sketched well. Josh Nelson was described well…[Read more]

  • Hi Ben,
    That underwater scene was remarkable. I was so envious in that I would love to play with a dolphin that way. Kate was sad to see the dolphin go, but at the same time, happy that the dolphin belonged to a pod. Perhaps some foreshadowing that Kate can’t be on her own either? Kate’s personality is very specific to a certain type of person…[Read more]

  • Hey Deryn,
    Guy and Fran are such a good pair, I would love to have someone like that in my house…but I wouldn’t be thrilled about the dirty dishes…You are doing a great job of getting the reader to re consider Bernard as a potential romantic partner for Fran. Even I find myself warming up to him from the way you are portraying him…Have we…[Read more]

  • Hi Deryn,
    I agree that it’s possibly a little too complex and I think there are a few characters that will be axed the next time around. I will have to be ruthless, which is a little scary, but it’s coming.
    Thank you!!

  • Hi Marilyn,
    As I go back and review what’s come before and explore the loose ends, I agree, it needs to be simplified.
    I like your comment about the intersecting phone calls.
    Thanks

  • Hi Ben,
    Thanks for your comment. I’m glad you liked the different phone calls–it was more complicated at first, but this way plays better.
    Thanks
    SP

  • Hi Peggy,
    Glad you are feeling the tension, Gotta keep it going . Thank you for sticking with this story so far. A little bit more to go…

  • Hi Jan,
    Thank you for the ideas here that will be useful as I try to plot the last bit of the book.. You’ve touched on some character relationships that I can investigate to get more ideas toward the end of the book
    Thank you!

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SM

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@smprasad

Active 7 hours, 30 minutes ago
Short Story : 10
Poetry : 0
WTC : 4
52 Scenes : 40
Dialogue : 30
Flash Fiction : 0