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  • The Way We Were by SM Prasad

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    Gary was wearing a bespoke tailor-made dark suit that bulged out over his backside and belly. His stringy, greasy hair pointed in all directions and white flakes dusted his […]

  • Hi Maruschka,
    You captured the mother’s pov very well. The scene was a little mysterious with the muffled whimpering, I was worried it would be something more serious. But the narrator’s reaction of “Life-it goes on” meant that it was not a dangerous situation. You described the makeup of the eyeliner, eyeshadow and lipstick very well-it was…[Read more]

  • Thank you Paul. I was referring to an arranged marriage-which is why there are some misunderstandings in the fairly new marriage so far. I’m glad you liked the MC-I haven’t thought about bringing her back but I may consider it.
    Thank you for reading and commenting.

  • Hi Nina,
    Thank you for the comments. This was written as a response to a series that I watched on Netflix about Indian Matchmaking. As for what could happen in this relationship, it’s a toss-up. I think Aviraj showed some remorse and some misgivings. Perhaps enough to stand up for himself. But there’s also the chance that he can’t stand up to his…[Read more]

  • Yes, I’ve experienced those rains!! Especially when I lived in Houston, TX!! But I think having a drunken MC allows you to give the reader another dimension and look beyond the MC’s words. I think that’s hard to do and I admire that you achieved that!

  • SM Prasad commented on the post, My way by SM Prasad 2 weeks ago

    Beti- Hindi, Dear, child (feminine); beta is masculine
    Aviraj translates from the Sanskrit: King of Kings, Shines as bright as the sun.
    Kamala translates to Lotus

  • My way by SM Prasad

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    “Why’s the door locked?”

    My husband of three months, Aviraj, yelled back. “Just…working something out.”

    Frantic whispers came out of the study.

    “Kamala beti, lower the heat on the caulif […]

    • Beti- Hindi, Dear, child (feminine); beta is masculine
      Aviraj translates from the Sanskrit: King of Kings, Shines as bright as the sun.
      Kamala translates to Lotus

    • Yikes. What a clashing of worlds within a culture. An arranged marriage? How will this intelligent independent and like able woman stay with this seemingly worm of a man and his manipulative mother? I was thoroughly engaged though worried that staying in thus marriage coukd only turn her bad.

      • Hi Nina,
        Thank you for the comments. This was written as a response to a series that I watched on Netflix about Indian Matchmaking. As for what could happen in this relationship, it’s a toss-up. I think Aviraj showed some remorse and some misgivings. Perhaps enough to stand up for himself. But there’s also the chance that he can’t stand up to his mother and that Kamala has her work cut out for her. I think either ending is possible.

    • Hi SM,

      As Nina has observed, what a clash with the Mother in law not happy until she and her son get their hands on the MC’s funds. Wicked.
      This scene suggests the intelligent MC is poorly matched to the boy hiding in his mother’s skirts.

      For future submissions, I do think you have an MC worth following.
      It might be worth exploring the (hint) misunderstanding that may have led to their marriage and where is their relationship headed?
      Interesting.

      Thank you for sharing.
      Cheers,
      Paul

    • Thank you Paul. I was referring to an arranged marriage-which is why there are some misunderstandings in the fairly new marriage so far. I’m glad you liked the MC-I haven’t thought about bringing her back but I may consider it.
      Thank you for reading and commenting.

  • Hi Zainab,
    That was a beautifully written story. You kept it very realistic in terms of how a 19-year-old plans-they don’t have a lot of world experience and control, but she knows that things need to change and she is using Aishwarya Rai’s poster as her inspiration. So it read as quite authentic Also the empty promises of fame and fortune in…[Read more]

  • HI Linda,
    That was told really well. I like the first person here and I like the calm, deliberate approach of the MC. I agree with Peggy that changing the sequence of checking out the house before she calls would build even more tension. The MC’s organized way of doing things is a really good method to calm the reader before the creepy elements…[Read more]

  • Hi Marilyn,
    I agree with the other comments. Certainly, this is a good beginning to an intriguing thriller. I really liked the setting in the beginning and especially this line, “a street where small shops languished, waiting for a customer to find them.” It’s such an economical way to get mood, atmosphere and setting all at once. I think that’s…[Read more]

  • HI Randy,
    This was great! So much fun to read. I loved the descriptions of his brilliance in terms of things he did when he was bored, hacking into electrical grids, balancing checkbooks, refinancing. We adults really live mundane lives. I love that as gifted as he is cognitively, he hasn’t figured out how to deal with emotional issues, so he…[Read more]

  • Hi Mike,
    You’ve got a good set up to a story. I enjoyed his drunken wanderings. You described that well -especially the ground light of the city lights. This is a particularly well done sensory description: “Without warning the sky opened and dumped on him. No gentle mist or shower preceded this soaking. He was dry and then he was drenched to…[Read more]

  • hi NSB Nina
    A very interesting story. A woman whose childhood and adult life has been marred by inexplicable tragedy and she struggles to make sense of it. She’s suspicious of who killed her brother and how her father died. I’m not sure if you gave us any clues to follow. I know that they drove from somewhere N of VT and ended up in FL.…[Read more]

  • I like your chilling nightmare story. It’s quite imaginative and unpredictable-you can tell it is from a dream because the images are jarring and change quickly. Your description of the boy in the lead, “with gentle patience” gave him some dimension in the middle of the horror. I liked the weirdness of this image, ” A halo of orange green light…[Read more]

  • Hi Srivalli,
    Thanks, We all need to let that evil side of us out every once in a while. Second person was fun here because it makes the reader complicit but also feel included.
    Thanks so much for reading and commenting.

  • HI Doug,
    Thanks so much for your feedback. Yes, I really like twists, but tbh, I hadn’t thought about the proposal aspect until you brought it up. Thank you for passing on that observation.
    Thanks for reading and responding.

  • Hi Kim! I’m so glad you noticed the Rejuvenate! red herring…I was hoping that someone would. Also the “bewitching makeup” had a double meaning of course. As for “trilliant” that is not my word, I found it when I was researching the Red Shield Diamond and the Victory Diamond. But it’s a cool word. Thanks so much for reading and commenting. I…[Read more]

  • HI Ellen,
    I’m so glad you wrote that detail about Quiller. I noticed it and then erased my comment because I thought I was reading too much into it.
    I appreciate the information!
    SP

  • Hi Ellen,
    Thanks! “Snap!” is the perfect response! Yes, there are voices that she answers to. Thanks so much for reading and commenting!

  • Yes, he spent his money on the wrong vixen…Wicked witch, perhaps sorceress sounds fancier?
    Thanks so much for reading and commenting.
    SP

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