WTC Exercise 1, or Great Expectations by John Deighan
I could tell you about how I went back in time to kill Hitler (it didn’t go well) or how I was kidnapped by aliens (we reconciled, but she still has […]
Nicely done. A nit to pick:
1: show, don’t tell —
She couldn’t help but feel a little nervous about what lay ahead.
Her hands trembled slightly, and she fumbled with the car ignition key.
All in all, though, a good start. Needs some kind of resolution to the pent up animosity between mother and child. Looking forward to it.
So let’s go with the good, the bad, and the ugly.
The Good: Wow, strong opening. Stephen King worthy. Gathering dread, leading to…
The Bad: Nothing. No payoff. No jump scare. You switch gears to give us a happy ending.
The Ugly: Be mindful of your genre. Is this “autobiography”? Keep the first night terror section short. Is this horror? The…[Read more]
A 300 word gut punch. Nicely done. Withholding the towel at the end was a nice touch.
MY OPINION ONLY: this line:
“Why don’t you ask him?!” Kerry rebuffed after a long pause.
might be better this way?
Kerry’s voice came after a long pause, it was flat, like a death sentence. “Why don’t you ask him?”
I enjoyed reading it!