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  • Fabulous story, well written. I could see the characters clearly. We’ve probably all met them too. Thanks for posting

  • Hi Chris, what a great take on the prompt. It never fails to surprise me how diverse the stories are on here. Great story, well written.

  • Why do they do that? Asks Boots, the cat. Every time they put food down they stand around and look admiringly at me. I want to eat in private and not be subjected to ooh’s and aah’s just because I’m eatin […]

    • This is a fun story and as a cat owner I’ll say it’s very true to life lol my one comment is to revise it once more since it switches from first to third person a few times. Otherwise really enjoyed it!

    • Hi Steve! As someone who’s been adopted by a feral cat, I absolutely loved this story. I often wonder what’s going through my cat’s mind since it’s my first time being around one. I also used to wonder if he’d left other owners because I gave him food! A really lovely read. Thank you for sharing!

    • This was a fun read. I imagine you’ve been owned by a few cats. My only suggestion would be to build up the tension around the impending birth earlier in the story, and have a few more references to it. You know . . . kind of like building a staircase with the revelation of the new baby at the top. And do the neighbors like one another? Just wondering. That question popped into my mind whilst reading your story. Good job. Thanks for writing!

    • Great story in the POV of a cat. What a lucky cat it is. You have done your story so smoothly with well chosen vocabularies.
      A quick one. I was lost on your word scoff. I had to check a few dictionaries to undrestand its meaning. Did the cat throw away the fish or eat it. Scoff!

  • What a great story, well written. Such a fast pace, left me breathless and desperate to know what happens next. Well done.

  • What a wonderful tale and such a refreshing take on the prompt. Treasure those memories of a childhood over much too soon.

  • Fabulous fun, well done. Your take on the prompt was inspiring

  • Great story Kia, it seems like a longer piece but you did well to keep it within the word count. Lots of blood and gore; fabulous.

  • Wow, what a wonderful take on the prompt. The emotions you evoke are real and identifiable, the characters three dimensional. Great read, thanks for posting

  • Nice story, easy to read with lots of dialogue. We’ll done with the prompt too

  • Why did he have to keep calling her name constantly?
        ‘Jewel, Jewel,’ she could hear him calling after her, but his voice was getting fainter as she ran. He had finally let her off the lead, and after mon […]

    • Thank you for this story. And thank you for getting Jewell back to safety. Your note said it was a last-minute write — something i would never have known if not told. Good descriptions of the physical environment, of the dog’s sensations and her emotions. And I especially liked the running dialog in her head. Job well done!

    • Delightful! Now our muddy wet Jewely-wooly needs a bathy-wathy!

    • Yay, Jewel found her human again! So glad it had a happy ending. Nice story.

  • Hi Ash, a nice festive story filled with movement, which I enjoy. I did read it a couple of times as there is Hana and Hannah but soon got the mist of it. Good read and we’ll done.

  • Hi Mara, I love the story. You lead the reader down a path and then a great twist at the end. Totally unexpected ending. Great read, thanks for posting.

  •     Jenny and Zak met in high school and had been inseparable since that time, almost ten years ago. Neither of them had even dreamt of being with anybody else. They had grown together in every sense. “School pal […]

    • Hi Steve. You built up the tension well in your story. When there is complacency in a relationship, there is always a danger that when one partner is exposed to something different, it could awaken the desire to seek excitement and change. There’s no telling where this will end and it’s imposiible to go back to the way ‘we were’. I particularly liked this phrase: “…leaking into their consciousness”. Thanks for the read.

    • Hi Steve

      For me, there is a valuable story here, but it’s all a bit fast. The ‘tell’ backstory could have come from the holiday timeline with their history in dropped in subtly. It would have made an even better story then. I mention ‘tell’, because there is much more information than you need to engage your reader. The start is like a report and is less compelling because of that. There is much less to ‘partner’ with your reader with when you give so many facts. It would also be easier and more fun to write. I give your story a 7/10, but with a few tweaks of style, you have a great little 9/10 short story here.

      Martin

  • Hi Arlene
    What a wonderful expression of yourself and your thoughts. Very refreshing and makes me want to hear more.

  • I like the premise and could easily be extended with the constraints of a limited word count. You managed a beginning, middle and an end. Always difficult in a few words, well done.

  • We’ll written and described but I can’t help thinking it must be going further. Next part next month maybe?

  • Great read. As others have said, I love a twist. We’ll done to bring such drama into a limited word count.

  • Hi Janet, I found that a lovely read. Lots of conversations painting the picture. Plus, a happy ending too. 🙂

  • ‘It’s not my job to look after him,’ said Phil. His wife shook her head and carried on washing the dinner pots. They were in the kitchen, her at the sink, him seated at the table, pouring the rest of the wine […]

    • Interesting story, good resolution.

      I like the way you use ‘the’ child never ‘our’ child or ‘his’ child to create distance between the main character and the child. I was wondering if you used something like ‘my’ or ‘his’ in the last lines somewhere it might bring home the realisation that floods into him. It’s a powerful story without any changes but I thought I’d just suggest it. Hope that’s okay.

    • Hi Steve, thanks for the read. I feel in places that it’s a bit rushed, and you can slow down. Difficult to do within the 500 word count, I know.
      But what if you extended the scene a bit, so we have space for all their emotions?
      – “He’s your child too!” Her shout deflated into sobs, and she slumped back to the sink, shoulders shaking.
      I was also a bit unclear as to his emotions, at first. I didn’t fully understand his reaction in the beginning, he’s disbelieving? Why would he be? I think the reason that he disbelieves her should be stated early on, so we get his rationality.
      Also I was a bit mixed on the chronology. He left the room, and then he stared at her, open-mouthed? Wouldn’t the staring happen before the leaving the room?
      Thanks!

    • Hi Steve

      Well, that story hits the spot perfectly. It has a great start that propelled me forward. A curiosity-driven middle, and a great twist at the end. It will be the making of him.

      I liked it all.

      Martin

  • Hi Catherine, I really enjoyed reading this. Loved the construction of the sentences and found it quite moving. Thank you for posting it.

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steve cripwell

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