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  • Thank you so much Lenore for your appreciation. It is a part of a larger work, hopefully in the coming year, I will be done with it. Still needs a lot of work in the main storyline as well as in the fillers. We will have to wait to see which direction Zooni’s life takes now. Thanks again for your time and enouraginf words.

  • Its true, people think they can understand such emotions, but I truly believe unless its happening to you, or someone very close to you, you cannot claim to understand or empathasise in the real sense. Thanks a lot Ellen for your feedback, for taking the time to read the story and leave your comment ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Thank you Ese for your encouraging words. I am still working on Zooni’s story. Hopefully it will turn out good. Thanks again fro taking the time to read my story.

  • The holidays meant nothing to Zooni anymore. There was nothing left to celebrate. Her fate had robbed her of all the reasons to have any kind of celebration. The decorations itself seemed to be suffocating her […]

    • What a powerful story. This seems like it could be the start of a larger work – what happens to Zooni? Does she go out and continue her husband’s work? Or join the state to fight against the militants so no other young women are left as widows? You also intrigued me with the political structure of the state – nothing draws me in like a good rebels against the establishment story! Well done – I’d love to see more!

      • Thank you so much Lenore for your appreciation. It is a part of a larger work, hopefully in the coming year, I will be done with it. Still needs a lot of work in the main storyline as well as in the fillers. We will have to wait to see which direction Zooni’s life takes now. Thanks again for your time and enouraginf words.

    • Oh, sad. You count on the sadness, but not on the loneliness. People say they understand, but they don’t. It’s not surprising that she couldn’t concentrate. So, who did she become?

      • Its true, people think they can understand such emotions, but I truly believe unless its happening to you, or someone very close to you, you cannot claim to understand or empathasise in the real sense. Thanks a lot Ellen for your feedback, for taking the time to read the story and leave your comment ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Lovely, I enjoyed every bit of it. I feel so bad for Zooni. Society never stops with the judgments and criticisms. Although now I want to know what happened to Zooni, did fate ever become nice to her again? Lovely story.

      • Thank you Ese for your encouraging words. I am still working on Zooni’s story. Hopefully it will turn out good. Thanks again fro taking the time to read my story.

  • The news of their death spread like a wildfire across the valley. People started pouring in from every house of their village. People were rumoured to be advancing in huge numbers from the other parts as well. […]

    • How did they die?

    • Hi! I enjoyed this story. I do have some comments, though. How the husband and brother died isn’t clear, and some of the wording and sentence structure confused me. You may want to do a once over on it and make sure everything is clear. I did like the exploration of grief and it was obvious that your character was sad and upset. Good job!

    • Hi. Nice story. I am left wondering if her husband eloped with her one brother whilst the other brother died. Then again you left an open ending to leave the reader wondering, so well done. You were able to describe the emotion of loss very well. I had a bit of trouble understanding who she was referring to at times.

  • Sarah Muzaffar's profile was updated 2 months, 2 weeks ago

  • Even though it was the midst of summer, the sky looked strangely barren. There was not a sight of even a small happy cloud, and the sun was not even trying to shine. Moreover, it looked like an autumn sun trying […]

    • Hi
      Your word choice is lovely, evocative, so suiting to this tragic tale. CA

    • Hi Sarah. This is a tragic tale told with a very lyrical quality. You have captured the mood of impending doom well and I liked your imagery in the contrast of red poppies and sunflower meadows. The journey to the other world is unknown, yet, you have described it as both inevitable and necessary for those who are leaving. But the ones who are left behind are engulfed by an overwhelming sense of loss. Well done.

  • Thank you Oswald for reading the story and taking the time for your feddback. I am trying to develop this story into a novel. let’s hope that i am able to do it ๐Ÿ™‚

    p.s please accept my apologies for replying so late to your feedback. thanks again for your kind words.

  • Thank you Hanna for taking the time to read the story. Thanks a lot for the insight. I am in the process of developing this story into a novel. Hopefully I can find a right flow and be able to weave it all together in harmony. Thank yo so much for your appreciation. Also, please accept my apologies for replying so late. Thanks again for dropping by:)

  • Thank You so much Chris for taking the time to read and apprecitae the story. And please accept my apologies for replying so late.

  • Thank you Gold for taking the time to read the story and leave your feedback. I appreciate the suggestion, need to improve my vocab in English. Will work on it ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Thanks Vera for taking the time to read the story and leave your feedback. Yes indeed it is a part of a bigger story. This year I challenged myself to write about one story. So even though for the past months, I have written different chapters for the same story, they dont follow a particular order. that is why I haven’t linked the previous…[Read more]

  • There was this strange tradition that had taken root in their community. A new tradition of inheritance came into existence without anyone advocating for it and it remained without anyone objecting to it.The […]

    • Nice piece. I can feel the desperate struggle they men are facing at this time and the conflict at the heart of it. Both men have a point. A minor thing, when you used the word jiffy ( it sounds such a light frivolous word ) it pulled me out of the drama of the moment. I would suggest another way of saying what you are trying to say.

      • Thank you Gold for taking the time to read the story and leave your feedback. I appreciate the suggestion, need to improve my vocab in English. Will work on it ๐Ÿ™‚

    • An interesting story that leaves me wondering whether it is part of a larger one. There is clearly some history and the need (within that story) for continuing action. That would then give room to expand on the idea of a soul’s grief being passed on – I love that premise but it gets lost a little in the telling of the struggle (rebellion?) that is going on in the background.
      Would love to read more of that.
      PS looks like you changed names at one point – Zooni / Zainab?

      • Thanks Vera for taking the time to read the story and leave your feedback. Yes indeed it is a part of a bigger story. This year I challenged myself to write about one story. So even though for the past months, I have written different chapters for the same story, they dont follow a particular order. that is why I haven’t linked the previous stories here. I am still working on how to connect the dots between the different chapters, or rather the flow, is still missing.

        Also, you are right, the name change caught my attention only after you mentioned it. So much for reviwing it! Oops!

  • Zooni looked at the marvelous colors that adorned the garden around her. It was one of the most beautiful gardens of her city. The short lived tulip heads of all colors and types attracted eyes from all over the […]

    • You have the basis for a novel here. Now you can expand and explore all the different events. Thank you!

      • Thank you Oswald for reading the story and taking the time for your feddback. I am trying to develop this story into a novel. let’s hope that i am able to do it ๐Ÿ™‚

        p.s please accept my apologies for replying so late to your feedback. thanks again for your kind words.

    • Hi Sarah, thanks for sharing this story! The two main characters are so likeable and strong. If you continue working with this story, I suggest getting more specific in the middle where you describe the setting, the oppression, and the uprising. You could zoom in on Zooni’s experience specifically where Zooni as a character represents the experience of the hundreds/thousands of oppressed people fighting back. The little girl and little boy that were injured might be Zooni’s niece or neighbors. You have lovely sentences in here like “The Human Rights were not violated, they were rubbed in the wounds of people with salt. ” and “An uprising that will snap away most of the flowers of the beautiful garden.” I really enjoyed the plot and it made me emotional. Good job!

      • Thank you Hanna for taking the time to read the story. Thanks a lot for the insight. I am in the process of developing this story into a novel. Hopefully I can find a right flow and be able to weave it all together in harmony. Thank yo so much for your appreciation. Also, please accept my apologies for replying so late. Thanks again for dropping by:)

    • The beginning of the story immediately had my interest. I could clearly imagine the events that were happening thanks to your descriptive writing. I’m curious about the stories you will write in the future! Thank you for sharing.

      • Thank You so much Chris for taking the time to read and apprecitae the story. And please accept my apologies for replying so late.

  • The news dropped like a running time bomb in their kitchen. A bomb that was ticking between the father and the son.ย 

    We cannot trust the man, Haji Saab told Shaifar, in one of their private discussions. Hajra […]

    • Hi Sarah! I liked reading this story. The only thing is that I found it interesting that you didn’t use quotation marks for your dialogue. Was this intended? I found it difficult to read without them, though I know there are some authors who write without them and have been very successfull. (Emma Donahue’s newest novel, for instance.) I did like the last line a lot. It was very powerful. Good work!

    • Even the slightest hope will never die. Let the dead stay dead. Until there is absolute proof otherwise.

    • We need…da, da, da PROOF OF LIFE! I couldn’t help myself.

      This seems to be part of a bigger project. I did like this small insert. Lots of drama in these 300 little words.

      Great job!

    • This story feels like an epilogue to a full story, like a teaser, and itโ€™s good to capture the reader and be interested on what happened, both on how did Majid turn out to be alive and what happened to the mother and the family when he returned. I wonder how this turns out…

  • Hi Del, thanks a lot for taking the time to write down such valuable piece of advice. Honestly, I do struggle with the name part you mentioned, I am never sure how many are ideal in a short chapter, but also if I should name them or not, because they are part of the story too.

    Got the age part, thanks, will keep that in mind for future…[Read more]

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Sarah Muzaffar

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@sarahmuzaffar

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