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  • Hi Trace,

    Congratulations in conveying such a sad and solitary existence for this poor person. She comes across as nice and well balanced but who is sadly caught up in the wrong relationship. I would be sad to think that any of this is from personal experience.

    I do agree with Jane about the slurred words. I often inject some of my hometown…[Read more]

  • Hi Trace,

    I am delighted you enjoyed the read and grateful for your encouragement.

    Cheers,
    Paul

  • Thank you Dionne,

    I am delighted my submission worked for you.

    Cheers,
    Paul

  • Hi Peggy,

    I am touched that my submission is your favourite. I am happy that it worked for you and yes, it’s a bit different for me. I did try to balance the present, the past, description and dialogue in a way that compelled the reader to stick with it.

    Thank you for the encouragement.

    Cheers,
    Paul

  • Hi Seyi,

    As always, I wasn’t really sure where this one was going but the couple got there in the end. We all need a few happy endings in life.

    Thanks for the read and the encouragement.

    Cheers,
    Paul

  • Hi Anjum,
    Twisting indeed.
    I presume you are delighted with the happy ending.
    Cheers,
    Paul

  • Hi Jes,
    I appreciate the positive feedback and I am delighted there is something in my dabbling in romance.
    Thank you for the read.
    Cheers,
    Paul

  • Hi C,
    I appreciate the nod to charming and thank you for the link to Reedsy. I have since submitted. Hopefully it goes somewhere.
    Your suggestion is much appreciated.
    Cheers,
    Paul

  • Hi Maria,
    Despite reaching the exact word count, I continued to fiddle and ended up with more changes than I had planned. Thank you for your early critique. It was awesome.
    Cheers,
    Paul

  • Hi Michael,
    Yes, it’s always good to try something new and 12SS is the right place to experiment with genre and character building. Hope strings eternal as they say.
    Cheers,
    Paul

  • Hi Andrea,
    I am delighted you like the story and the imagery works for you.
    Your thoughtfulness is much appreciated.
    Cheers,
    Paul

  • Hi Astrid,
    Thanks for kicking off the critiques.
    I never thought I would write a romance short story either but hey ho, things happen.
    I appreciate the positive feedback. Thank you.
    Cheers,
    Paul

  • Hi C,

    That was a busy party with the usual assortment of friends that have a knack of tolerating each other.

    What might be missing are the internal thoughts of the narrator. The internal monologue can blend well with the mechanics of fetching and carrying. It also offers commentary of who says what and moreover, what the narrator thinks of their…[Read more]

  • Hi Maria,

    You have a talent for taking the reader on a journey into a time and place far from normality.

    I sensed the choking sensation of Coyote throughout which reminded me he was dying in a cell somewhere back in the present.

    This drew me in and I loved it.

    You have a knack for this type of short story that takes the reader out of…[Read more]

  • Hi Deryn,

    This packs a punch. There are no holes barred with this submission. Oh, how cruel our world is and how unfair it is to the young and innocent. You paint a true but bleak picture of a world sunk below the radar.

    Reading the other comments, I can see its tough to get the descriptions, feelings and dialogue into the word limit. No matter…[Read more]

  • Yikes Seyi,

    What a job that poor Pastor has!

    You paint a vivid picture of a situation that I would not be surprised to learn plays out somewhere in our cruel world.

    Society dismisses and abuses these women. Bravo that they have the wits to organise and fightback despite what they have to do.

    I like the top and tail reference when the Pastor…[Read more]

  • Hi Michael,

    Thank you for continuing the adventures of one of my favourite characters.

    I agree with Jennifer. You never disappoint. Do you know what you are doing or do you have a team of elves specializing in grammar and adventures beyond the garden. I do look forward to where Jenvik goes next.

    I love your character names. They work admirably…[Read more]

  • Hi Andrea,

    Opening lines are so important. I stumbled a little when I read “Nurses are piling into…”.
    I re-read it as “Nurses piled into…” which seems a little cleaner.

    Words such as “Everything” introduce vague terms. It would be better if the terms used are specific. This problem is compounded when the vague terms are repeated in close…[Read more]

  • Hi Astrid,

    I like the story and where it is possibly going but there are a few things that may benefrit from tightening up.

    I wonder about the opening line; “…appeared to be…” Should it be “…looked like”?

    When I read “Somewhere in a paradisaical rain forest”, I think of cowboy movies of yesteryear with lines such as … “meanwhile, back…[Read more]

  • Misunderstood by Paul J P Slater

    #

    I’ve not been back in Edinburgh since, and yet here she is emerging from the throng. I blinked as I caught her eye. ‘Hello, it’s been a while.’

    ‘Nick, is it you?’

    ‘S […]

    • Hi Paul, I wasn’t expecting a romantic gig from you, having read plenty stories spanning other genres. And this was a wonderful surprise because you certainly have a knack for romance. I loved the spins and turns you weaved in this tale as your MC tried to make a right of a long ago wrong. I’m only hoping that now that things have been straightened out, that life will shine on them both. I loved the rich imagery and emotions, and I loved the ease in which you told this story of love. My hat is off. Astrid

      • Hi Astrid,
        Thanks for kicking off the critiques.
        I never thought I would write a romance short story either but hey ho, things happen.
        I appreciate the positive feedback. Thank you.
        Cheers,
        Paul

    • Wonderful storytelling.. I love the imagery reflecting the melancholy and the time lost. our story is honest and tender. Full of mature hope and whistful thoughts of youth.
      Really easy to read and a great flow too.
      Andrea

    • I agree with Astrid, a lovely departure and one that ends with a bucket full of hope.

      Thanks for sharing.

      • Hi Michael,
        Yes, it’s always good to try something new and 12SS is the right place to experiment with genre and character building. Hope strings eternal as they say.
        Cheers,
        Paul

    • Hi Paul,

      I adore the changes. This piece is a good old fashion love lost. I adored it the first time and it had me from start to finish the second.

      Great work!!!

      • Hi Maria,
        Despite reaching the exact word count, I continued to fiddle and ended up with more changes than I had planned. Thank you for your early critique. It was awesome.
        Cheers,
        Paul

    • Hi Paul
      You have a charming story, one that would fit one of Reedsy’s prompts for this week (in case you hadn’t already scoped this out!).

      • Hi C,
        I appreciate the nod to charming and thank you for the link to Reedsy. I have since submitted. Hopefully it goes somewhere.
        Your suggestion is much appreciated.
        Cheers,
        Paul

    • Hello. This is a sweet story. Lovers who should had been together ten or fourteen years ago lol. I like this sentence you wrote, “Like a battleship trying to turn, the blanket of grey clouds ceased to move, making little or no visible progress. ”
      I like the visual. 🙂

    • twisting from memories to a happy ending

    • Hey Paul, another great job. You made them seem like teenagers again (awkwardly assured Flow and just awkward Nick.) Great dialogue and nicely rounded plot. Eli seems like a piece of work, and I like how you treated the word prompt. Well done and best regards, Seyi

      • Hi Seyi,

        As always, I wasn’t really sure where this one was going but the couple got there in the end. We all need a few happy endings in life.

        Thanks for the read and the encouragement.

        Cheers,
        Paul

    • This was such a sweet, lovely story, Paul. So different from many of your other stories, but so well written and so captivating. You captured and portrayed their emotions so well, with little details such as this line:
      We experienced a long period of silence that has no place in any conversation. Yet there it was, dominating our time together. 

      I love the way you wove the story, with excellent use of dialogue as well as little details that keep the reader well rooted in the present while at the same time weaving in the past, all along allowing their individual (and shared) emotions to shine through.
      This may be my favorite story of yours, Paul. I loved it!

      • Hi Peggy,

        I am touched that my submission is your favourite. I am happy that it worked for you and yes, it’s a bit different for me. I did try to balance the present, the past, description and dialogue in a way that compelled the reader to stick with it.

        Thank you for the encouragement.

        Cheers,
        Paul

    • Aww that was a beautiful story. I really enjoyed how you used the prompt this month. Very well written.

    • This was such an enjoyable read. I should try reading romance more. You told the story beautifully

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Paul J P Slater

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@pjps

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