fbpx
  •  I’m drawn to her face — I wonder where she gazes

    The smooth line of her cheekbones, shadowed

    The tilt of her head, those luminous blue orbs

    Down to the gentle purse of her cupid’s bow

    Where did she inherit […]

    • I like the picture and how you wrote about it. The questions in getting to know someone- so many.

      I liked the change in sentence length to very short as the end nears and hopes for answers are lost.

      Thanks for sharing.

    • Hello,

      I like the way your poem tries to examine the mind of the portrait’s subject – but finds no satisfactory answers. Thanks for sharing this interesting poem.

    • Hi C Alexis,
      I love your approach of sharing thoughts as the viewer. You captured some beautiful details throughout. I love this line “Down to the gentle purse of her cupid’s bow”. Splendid! Thanks for sharing.

  • As the sun shelters behind the conference of clouds, Tamsin trod the three treads down -down-down into a stark storage room. Flicking on the overhead fluorescent lights, bathing the room in a bluish tint, Tamsin […]

    • Hi there!
      Thank you for your story… I could relate to going through boxes of memories, and also bad hair decisions!
      The story has 3 parts – searching boxes in the basement, the Italian memory, and the hairdressing appointment. I wonder if the story wouldn’t flow better if you mixed them a bit more, as the jump from the one scenario to the next was a bit disorientating. Maybe the whole story could be told as a visit to the hairdresser which would allow for it to be told in dialogue, i.e. the protagonist arrives late for her appointment (because she has been going through the boxes) and proceeds to tell the hairdresser why she is late and what she found and about the incident in Italy etc. And then the final reveal of the picture and her link to the muppets. I think this would help the humour along…
      It might also be useful to clarify for yourself who or what the antagonist is in the story and strengthen that. Is it her younger self that made bad decisions?
      Thank you for the laugh…but I had to google who/what Beaker was! Now I know!

    • This is so funny! Poor Tamsin – she really should not ever style her hair like Beeker ever again. I like the way you tell your story. You up the tension at the end of the first part with short sentences and Tamsin’s frantic search. Then the flashback with the Italian police – thank you for the translations! I did not see the end coming. So funny.

    • Hi, C Alexis. Very nice story. I am sure I would get more out of it if I knew Italian, but it was fun to try to decipher what was being said. I think you could have less of the Italian phrases, because if you don’t know Italian that is a lot of words to skip over. I like the suggestion from Anita about having the scene all take place at the hair appointment and her just retelling bits and pieces for the reader. Very well written scene. Thanks

    • oh man, bad hair is a tough thing to shake. Seems there’s always a ton of pics of it to haunt one. I did get the Beeker reference! I agree that having the story told in the stylist’s chair would put it in one piece rather than three bits. I like a short story that takes place in one scene but is still artful about the reveal. This was a fun story and relatable on the history of bad hair choices!

  • Thomas Case and Profile picture of NetaQNetaQ are now friends 2 weeks, 6 days ago

  • Thomas Case and Profile picture of CathyCathy are now friends 3 weeks, 6 days ago

  • The standard for humanity has gone down tremendously since thiswhole Covid thing.It’s like everyone has Mad Cow disease.It has affected their judgement.People seem to have forgotten what love is.It’s s […]

    • NetaQ replied 4 weeks ago

      This piece is honest and compelling! Your straight forward and direct word choices are refreshing. Very nice Indeed!!

    • I love your title. I agree, everyone got entangled (willingly or not) in self preservation during the ‘whole Covid thing’. Short and to the point. Well done.

    • Hi Tom,
      I loved your thoughtful poem and totally agree with the sentiments within it. Thank you for a great read.

    • I love your title most of all. It begs to become a novel, too. 🙂

    • Your poem brings out a sore truth, Thomas, how people became so insulated and concerned about themselves instead of others. It’s such a great message that humanity needs to be reminded of from time to time. Really lovely, Thomas!

    • Your poem gives a very relevant message for today’s times. The problem is nothing is straight in the current scenario, even love comes with its terms and conditions. Thanks for sharing.

    • HI Thomas, your poem is almost a call to action! I like how you reduce a complex thing like love to this very simple message at the end. Well done.

    • Hello Thomas,
      The main image of your poem is so good and direct: ‘If your brother is cold, / give him a coat. / If he is hungry, give him food’. Thanks for sharing.

    • Love the message of your poem Thomas. It is a sad truth that some people are only looking out for themselves, but I have also seen some amazing acts of kindness during these difficult times. Let us hope for an infection of kindness to replace this pandemic.

      Thanks for sharing.

  • Her hands knead dough into submission

    Muscles ripple beneath her forearm length

    Fingers folding, flattening, forming 

    Love shaped into crusty loaves left to cool

    As if nana’s spirit rises now

    Upward sp […]

    • Lovely, Alexis! I think I remember a painting of a woman kneading dough, but I can’t remember who the artist was. Anyway, this evokes memories of my own bread baking and I can almost smell the aroma of fresh bread. Well written, filled with memories of the bread of life!

    • Love this Alexis. You take me on this journey of memories and they leave me feeling all warm and fuzzy. Your words flow easily and you make great use of the senses to pull at the heartstrings.

      This is my favourite line –
      Then — bare, but a pan for promises

      Have a fabulous day.

    • Hi Alexis,
      I chose your poem because I’ve just made some bread (of the sourdough variety😊). Your piece was a lovely visual picture coupled with the memory of your grandmother. The whole process beautifully described in free verse. Thank you for a memorable read.

    • Beautiful poem that evokes all the senses…you take the reader right into the scene, wonderful job.

    • Hi C A,
      Your love for your nana shines through this poem. The description of her and the baking process are so good. The first line drew me straight in.

  • My voice repeats in my mind as if on an endless loop of unheeded wisdom. I past a placid mask over my features. Ahead, through the windscreen my childhood home looms. My eyes flit across the line of vehicles […]

    • Hello C Alexis! I sensed the foreshadowing in the beginning sentence, and was gripped with tension as the piece unfolded. The descriptions, the showing and the tone are excellent; you say so much without detailing the obvious, and you leave room for the Reader to fill in the blanks. Well done!

    • We’ll done for confusing thr reader until the last sentence. Revenge is a dish that is served last!!! Richard Warburton

    • Ha! Also I have a makeup bag full of detritus as well. The resolution makes this. Nice work!!

  • Thomas Case and Profile picture of C AlexisC Alexis are now friends 1 month ago

  • C Alexis and Profile picture of DavidDavid are now friends 1 month, 3 weeks ago

  • I love her enough to write her sonnets;
    to use an unfamiliar form to woo her.
    Rhyme schemes are like a bee in my bonnet.
    If she were cold, I’d be a coat of fur,
    wrapping her body in love and heat.
    Warming her soul […]

    • I was late with this, I hope I made it in.

    • Hi Thomas
      This is a good piece of work written under pressure of time.
      Your rhyming is good. It is always a good practice to leave a blank row between the stanzas.
      Well done.

    • You’ve added another “way” to E.B. Browing’s list of the ways to love “thee”–to write her a sonnet. 🙂
      I like the ambiguity of the ending. Leave ’em guessing, I always say.
      Good to have you in the community!

    • Hello Thomas,
      I was just thinking what lovely furry/fuzzy love images are in your sonnet, when you became a vampire. Quite a contrast. Well done with this intriguing poem.

    • Hi Thomas. This was an intriguing and fun sonnet! I enjoyed all the colourful metaphors and the synesthetic descriptions.
      The vampire did come as quite a surprise! I’m still not sure if that is meant literally or if it is also a metaphor! 😀
      Whichever way, the words of the speaker are so sincere and heartfelt and the tenderness and comic touch makes such a unique and quaint blend here – loved it!
      Loved the line “warming her soul in furry animal bliss”!
      🙂

  • THE POET AS FISHER

    Swing the rod backwards over your head

    Mastering timing to get ahead

    Swing the rod forward, extend the arm

    Bring rod forward toward the bulkhead 

    Maintain a firm hold, eyes without […]

    • Your description of casting puts me in mind of the movie A River Runs Through It where Tom Skerrit is teaching his boys to cast and gets out a metronome to help them keep time & the rhythm.
      I’m a little thrown off by the word “bulkhead.” Isn’t that essentially a wall in the interior of the ship? Taken that way, the tone of the poem changes entirely.
      Nice when we can read it on many levels.

    • Hi Teresa
      I very much appreciate your response to my poem. CA

    • Nice memorable fishing tips. Maybe I could try it with this visual picture of the process. Good job!

    • I miss fishing with my family. This was a wonderful reminder, and a perfect reflection of how the poem’s refrains mimic the physical repetition of casting. Very nicely done.

    • Hi,
      Your poem gives us good instructions on how to go fishing! Obviously written by someone who knows a lot about it. The layout puzzled me a bit – stanza breaks would have helped identify the rhymes and repetitions but I suppose I’m just a being bit lazy there. Well done.

  • C Alexis and Profile picture of FrancisFrancis are now friends 2 months, 1 week ago

  • Thomas Case and Profile picture of JaneJane are now friends 2 months, 2 weeks ago

  • Load More

Penny

Profile picture of Penny

@penny-nelson

Active 1 year, 4 months ago
Short Story : 0
Poetry : 0
52 Scenes 2022 : 0
52 Scenes : 0
Flash Fiction 2022s : 0
52 Scenes Rewrites : 0
Show, don't Tell June 2022's : 0