• Hi Wailana, this story really takes you there, to the point of the characters desperation for her son to be fed. The extreme measures one will go through for one’s child make this very believable and goes straight to the heart at her suffering and her son’s suffering too. You delve deep into something most women would consider, to save one’s child…[Read more]

  • Hi AV, the flow of the story works very well. It is a short time which everything fits in, but you want to know after the ending, will John survive, when he be blessed with help. The ending of finding hope in oneself is a really strong message. Well done. Thank you for your story.

  • The interweaving of all these stories work very well. The start in part 1 carries through to part 2. Thanks for the explanation of the names and their meanings. I’ve always enjoyed knowing about names. This would work to expanding it within each story and making a novel possibly, Maybe revisiting some of the characters to see how their lives have…[Read more]

  • This is a very touching story. You handled the time jumping rather well because it was very clear to know when it was. I did see one typo, in the third sentence of 2003 section “His parents had been too shock to react.” “Shock” would make better sense if it was “shocked”. Wonderful job. Thank you for your story.

  • In Talton, preparations were being made. It was to be the best festival ever. Even the Mayor said so. How could he be wrong?

    It was in my studio, where I make all the jewelry for everyone, not just the nobles who […]

    • You have so many great stories, I love your imagination and creativity. I love that you are able to create a mini world with its own religion in so few words, while adding drama and tension and creating interesting and memorable characters. I would love for you to develop this into a longer story, the premise is solid and could go in so many ways. Another round of editing will pick up typos and left out words, but these are minor and did not detract from the overall story which I found to be interesting and entertaining. Well done!

    • That was a nice introductory scene for further illumination. It kept my interest and didn’t divert in too many details as some fantasy can do. I think you need to be careful with the number of times you use “I” because it gets a little distracting. Other than that, it was an enjoyable read.

    • I enjoyed this as a first instalment, and agree with Peggy that the world building is quite extensive for the word count. Well done. I wish we had more reaction from your MC, because she hardly seems to react to rather big events, like the stranger knowing her name, her shop being ransacked, hearing that “they” are out to kill her, hearing that the little girl had been murdered, and the burning of the town. Adding some emotional punch would definitely put some meat on those plot-bones. I’d love to see what happens next, and I hope you take it further.

  • Past Tense:

    She laid on her bed, face down, trying not to have anything touch the bleeding welts on her back. She had been beaten once again, for something she was told to do. She hid her sobs in the pillow. They […]

  • Hi Jesmond, you capture the chaos that is creation and tie it all up with the receptions in between the first and last lines. The creative process can be felt in your words. Thank you for your poem.

  • Hi Nina, you captured the atmosphere very well. The sensation of the bridge between the living and the dead really comes though. Thank you for your poem.

  • Hi Amana, this is a wonderful tribute to the faith and love one has it the world. The repetition you had through out the poem really ties it together. Thank you for your poem.

  • Hi T, this is a good rendition of the feeling of moving from late fall into winter. You capture the feelings of the impending harshness that is winter and in a very colorful way.. Thanks you for your poem.

  • The brilliance of her mind

    would blind me if I looked too closely.

    Not her exquisite beauty,

    though that was not lacking a mention.

    It was her mind that drew me out of my shell

    calling to me, to my soul, to […]

    • A beautiful poem, Otter Silver! It tells the tale of longing for someone’s love in a simple and sweet way. Its heartbreaking that he loses her due to his inability to express his feelings. Well Done!

    • Such a creative piece ! A beautiful rendition of the prompt. Thank you for sharing. 🙂

    • Hello OtterSilver,
      Your poem has, for me, the atmosphere of an ancient, perhaps Greek, legend which refers to a goddess. I long to know more about ‘her’ mind! And exactly why you let her go. An intriguing poem.

    • Intriguing. You had me wondering about time, characters, events – and wanting to explore more.

    • Fully devoted to her brilliancy. Few lines to show brilliancy would be better. Any way I enjoyed the poem.

  • Hi Mara, what an interesting twist at the end of the story. The formatting keeps the mystery of what is happening, so when you end it, it becomes a surprise. You wonder why he has to send proof that he killed six people to get a position. This would be great as an expanded story, to include more about what happens in the Arena. It would be great…[Read more]

  • Hi Beth, this is wonderful. The main character of the story (who you never name which is brilliant), is well developed. She has a clear purpose and presence in her world. It is interesting that she has forgotten the first rules of a new place, to set up the security. It shows how rattled she is by the prospect of love. Thank you for your story.

  • Hi PFG, this was really good and the format was wonderful. You got the information about who these people were and how they fit together. It was from a great perspective of the unreliable narrator. You wonder if they are right or if the couple in love will get to marry after all. Whose perspective is right? Great work. Thank you for your story.

  • Hi Jodie, this is very intriguing, and it entices me to go back and read the rest of the story. You did a good job of creating some tension in the story, making the fear of being found out and the fear the past has come back to haunt. It was a little confusing when you switched points of view because the paragraph the paragraph just as the switch…[Read more]

  • Carefully, he slipped the knife between the guards ribs, right into his heart. The guarded store room had to have something of value for there to be guards twenty-four hours every day. He looked around as the […]

    • I love this set-up! With only 500 words, you don’t have a lot of time to build character–which is what I would suggest spending time on if you expand this. Otherwise, this is a novel in a short space–and a great beginning.

    • Intriguing start. I’m wondering why Saoirse is of so little value to her father that she just needs to get out of the way of her sister’s wedding. I do hope Fionn won’t spirit her away for his own nefarious purposes!

    • Interesting premise, and a great start to a new story line. Fionn took a great risk breaking into a guarded room just on the suspicion that there must be treasure based on the number of guards. It speaks to his character, marking his as intelligent, daring, confident, and perhaps a bit reckless as well. I didn’t get too much of a feel for the princess’ character, she seems like she just gives in to fate. Perhaps freedom outside her father’s reach will teach her fight for what she wants. Overall, I enjoyed your story and hope to read more of these characters in future prompts.

  • I didn’t want to fight my cousin. It was something my father put into my head early on. He was two years older than I was, and at first it wasn’t possible to defeat him, but he never was able to kill me. […]

  • I didn’t want to fight my cousin. It was something my father put into my head early on. He was two years older than I was, and at first it wasn’t possible to defeat him, but he never was able to kill me. […]

  • “You can smell the fish from here,” Althia said. “They must have a lot for it to be so strong.”

    Aeron wrinkled her nose and they walked together.

    “The stalls are all crowded today,” Aeron said. “We should have c […]

  • Hi Juanita, this had a very enticing rhythm throughout, making it very lively. You capture the lost lover and the longing of them to return. I think you did a great job. I liked the last line. It cried out and then was softly deflated on the heart desire. Thank you for your poem.

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OtterSilver

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@ottersilver

Active 3 days, 2 hours ago
Short Story : 12
Poetry : 11
WTC : 24
52 Scenes : 0
Dialogue : 0
Flash Fiction : 0