• Whoa. No. Rachel was just playing with Wilder. She’d never do that to Clarissa.

  • Thanks, Julie. I should break that sentence into two. I’ll look at it. Not sure what you mean about Rachel. I’m not sure about fireworks – there won’t be a wake but there’s a family luncheon coming – but there’s stuff coming next week. maybe not what you’re expecting though. I guess we’ll see what Alden has in him.

  • Thanks, Michael. the funeral eve took the wind out of the funeral sails although there’s still a luncheon to come 🙂
    And yes, you caught me. A few scenes back, at a writing session, Mia said we could go over the count if we needed more words to get done by #52 and I’ve been pushing it. This week I was shameless.

  • Things I Never Told You (1200 wc)

    How proud my parents were when I was accepted to the small private college with its ivy-clung gothic buildings laid out so there was plenty of green spaces.

    “Like castles,” my […]

  • Nice wafting in and out of her dream state. Great visuals as you tie those threads up. Of course Duncan would notice and remember her perfume. She might consider changing to a new scent? Nice touch his mentioning Brigitte’s catty comments. What a slick sob he is. Good for Bernard not showing up.

  • Magda wafted into the kitchen, her open robe, with its pink peonies in a turquoise silk sea floating behind her, revealing a pearly-white satin short set and  long tan legs. She was waving her hands as if she’d ju […]

    • That last line was perfect. In another story or if you played this one out differently that would be an amazing way to end a book. Love it.
      Great scene, with all the build-up the funeral was rather short – but it didn’t need anything more. The essence of her.
      Then a cheque to go away, what a situation, I guess for them it’s kind of par for the course. Perhaps having done it before with last season girl. 🙂
      I also see you shot over your word count a bit, it’s funny when you get used to read these lengths when one goes a little over you notice it – not saying it was long – just noticed it.
      Anyway! This scene was good, and fun in a way.

      • Thanks, Michael. the funeral eve took the wind out of the funeral sails although there’s still a luncheon to come 🙂
        And yes, you caught me. A few scenes back, at a writing session, Mia said we could go over the count if we needed more words to get done by #52 and I’ve been pushing it. This week I was shameless.

    • I love the challenging flamboyance of Magda but I did trip over the first sentence a little. The cheek of these people trying to buy off Clarissa, what will she do? If she kept the money and married Alden that would piss-them off royally but they would have their revenge I’m sure. I admit I was hoping for some more histrionics at the funeral but you’ve given us enough already. However, after the Pre-funeral, then internment there’s go to be a wake. Will this be where the fireworks explode? Rachel is downright chilly in this scene I must say. Its not over yet is it! Lots of suspense and tension here. How serious is Alden I wonder, he drifts along so much he’s almost unknowable apart from his precision habits and speech patterns. It would be gratifying for him to loose his detachment for once….

      • Thanks, Julie. I should break that sentence into two. I’ll look at it. Not sure what you mean about Rachel. I’m not sure about fireworks – there won’t be a wake but there’s a family luncheon coming – but there’s stuff coming next week. maybe not what you’re expecting though. I guess we’ll see what Alden has in him.

        • Hi Nina, re: Rachel, I read it as though Rachel was taunting Clarissa by her conversation with Wilder about how to break her relationship off – text or email, which seemed really nasty under the circumstances as Clarissa has the same decision to make but it will be far more painful for Alden than Rachel’s bit on the side. Sorry if I’ve made bo bo! Can’t wait until next week 🙂

          • Whoa. No. Rachel was just playing with Wilder. She’d never do that to Clarissa.

    • Hi Nina,
      A very interesting scene. We had to work hard to connect dots which is always fun. When Rachel says, “Clarissa has some news.” at the beginning, I interpreted this to mean that she is playing a little with Clarissa in front of Magda for the fun of it. At the start of the second section, I am assuming that the end quote comes after this line, “Pretty, isn’t it?” but I’m not totally sure. The rest of it didn’t sound like everyday dialogue.
      The section for the Keep Away money was great. The facades are gone and the ugliness of the family reveals itself as they try to look civilized while manipulating behind Alden’s back. Classic and really great. Made me smile. Clarissa is a much smarter adversary than they’ve dealt with before.
      This line confused me a bit, ” Today was for family only. But, engaged or not, that wouldn’t matter to Magda, whose interpretations were unique.” I can’t figure out the connection between the two sentences. I understood that Clarissa doesn’t want her mother to know the situation because she would manipulate the truth to the version that suited herself best.
      The dialogues between Clarissa and Glenna and between Clarissa and Amy were great. You can see that these two are rocks in her life.
      Great scene.

      • Thanks, Sudha, for the copy notes.
        The pretty isn’t it was meant to be Sheila speaking but looking at it, after your comment, you’re right. I’ll change it to Clarissa saying to herself that it was pretty etc
        And I’ll cut the today was for family only bit.
        Yes, Clarissa isn’t your ordinary season’s girl 🙂
        Thanks so much. As always.

    • Hi, Nina-
      Weirder & weirder.
      Magda floating in on her peony-covered froth was fascinating. Obviously done for effect, is she upset that no one remarked? I think she just blows right by such inconvenient truths.
      Clarissa is still playing dangerous games. When she kept the check, I thought it might be to show to Alden. I’m not sure why she would do that, but I’m not sure why she does half of what she does–as it appears she is not, either. Actually, dangerous is a bit hyperbolic despite Wilder’s warning. But Alden really hasn’t done anything to deserve what appears to be about to happen to him. Clarissa is not uncaring, but she’s being thoughtless.
      “Why sell me at all?” I’d like to see that Clarissa take a little more control of the situation. (That was a great line, by the way. Too bad it saddened her grandmother.)
      So here we are, 6 scenes to go, Michael still in the wind (pardon the pun), Mel’s return promised, Wilder on the rampage, Alden giddy as a schoolboy (but not quite trusting it, it appears), Rachel & Glenna in the know, but Granmagda and Amy not, & Clarissa…where is Clarissa? She doesn’t seem quite present. Is she building another fire, only to put it out because she has never had any intention of staying long enough to enjoy it?
      Well, I’m enjoying being along for the ride. It will almost be a shame when it’s over.

      • Almost a shame? 🙂
        Magda likes making an entrance, and she likes an audience, but isn’t dependent on that.
        Giddy, perhaps, but…
        I’m glad you’re enjoying the ride. Bound to be some spins before Clarissa gains control.

    • Hi Nina, what a superb scene! Everything about it was enrapturing. Right from the off, I loved your description of Magda’s entrance and robe – simply stunning. This is such an interesting scene in terms of progressing the plot and so cleverly crafted. Clarissa not just keeping the cheque but the way she did it to wind up Wilder was perfect, as was Rachel also toying with him. Your characterisation is so, so good.
      And that last line…oh I cannot wait for the luncheon! 🙂

      • Magda would have a blast on the Dream Weaver (more and more it strikes me what a great name that is). This was a fun one. I’m glad you liked it.

    • Hi Nina what a magical scene with all your trademark descriptions, and all your characters playing their roles perfectly. Alden looking stricken for Clarissa’s support as the crowd of mourners mobs him, Wilder and Sheila trying to protect their inheritance from the gold digger, Rachel the p**** teaser , Glenna the one for solid sisterly advice, Magda being Magda and Amy delighting everyone with her innocence. Masterfully written. We have so much to look forward to still to come.

    • Ooooo, Magda rocks. Lovely day indeed. Bwahahahahahaha. Why sell me at all is a close second. Well done. Love the cheque. So drama waiting to happen.

      • we should all be Magda…well maybe not all of her 🙂 Drama for sure waiting to happen, banging on the door waiting.

  • Thanks, Julie. Yeah, Clarissa got herself in a pickle :). I like your visions. Hope the funeral doesn’t disappoint.

  • What a lovely character study. This line – She painted a world of heartache and beauty, both a marriage and an argument between canvas and colour – is gorgeous. You could easily – well, maybe not easily – build a larger story on this.

  • Isn’t she wonderful? She even has a purpose. 😎 I don’t think we’ll get into provenance, but there’s a chance a telltale flaw in one of the stones might be detected. Galloping in slow motion toward the end.

  • Thanks, Natasha, for your lovely comments and for checking out my story.

  • It’s a long and windy road she’s on 😉

  • Yes, you’re right. Clarissa remembered going to the house with her father, but she never knew why so finding out her father helped Emyline sell her jewelry was a shock. She didn’t have time to worry about that though with Wilderand all. And yes, she wore the ring – she bought in the city with Michael’s money – on purpose though she wasn’t aware i…[Read more]

  • Thanks, Sudha. Yes, Wilder swooped in like the predator he is. I wanted a sense of how overwhelming this room full of people at the pre-funeral cocktail party is for Clarissa, but I’ll look again at who’s who in the dialogue. Poor Clarissa. Grandmother Duncan said her temper and contrariness would get her in trouble…

  • Oh, David, once again you’ve caught me. I’ll change those.
    Mel is fabulous. She has a purpose and she’ll serve it. She’s been mentioned but hasn’t appeared before, but she and Emyline were close years ago when she and Wilder were married. I think Wilder was the sort who grew stuffier and more withdrawn as he aged.
    Yes, Amy will be tricky.…[Read more]

  • I adore Mel. And she will do good work. Glad you had fun.

  • Thanks, Michael. Yeah, Wilder got to her and she seized a moment. Figuring outAmy us going to be tricky. But first there’s the actual funeral to live through, this being a cocktail party on the eve. Putting the fun in funeral.

  • Nina commented on the post, Scene 45 by David Weimer 2 weeks ago

    Whoa. This was a smooth scene. Well done, David and Hosius. The imagery was vivid and the story told was, in the end, terribly sad.

  • Nina commented on the post, Camera Obscura by nsbnina 2 weeks ago

    Thanks,June, I was aiming for that movement.

  • Nina commented on the post, Camera Obscura by nsbnina 2 weeks ago

    Haha,thanks, Deryn. I remember a while back you mentioning your distaste for elves and such 🙂

  • Nina commented on the post, Camera Obscura by nsbnina 2 weeks ago

    Thanks, Christian, I think I’ve seen this banshee and I wanted to build that bridge.

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Nina

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@nsbnina

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Short Story : 11
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Dialogue : 30
Flash Fiction : 30