• The shadows grow across the plank floor. Tension tightens as time tip-toes forward. A primordial plaint splinters the silence. Two sets of eyes train upon the prone woman, writhing in sweat, amid the sheets. […]

    • That’s so sad. I can feel that tension you set up in the first paragraph – writhing in sweat. The last line captures that life and death struggle. Nice job.

    • Such a lot here without explicitly telling us. “He sobs, reading the message in her green gaze”. Almost poetic and very moving.

    • Pain, loss, and grief presented so poignantly, with an appropriate name for the baby. Makes me think of a situation that has just happened, a pregnant woman on a ventilator for co-vid, whose baby was delivered early to save its life. Devastation for the husband, but a child saved from a double tragedy. You have captured the scene.

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  • SLAM

    My breath bates. My heart batters to a foreboding beat. His tread tramps along the walkway, trudging up the three steps to the stoop, stomping side-to-side, before swinging the door open with a shriek. I […]

    • The subject made that one a hard one to read but so well done. I feel for that wife. You have captured the life of the terrorized. Good job.

    • Well done, I always love a triumphant woman! (Don’t we all?) Your descriptions are well done and very vivid, as always 😉 I was also picking up on some nice, rhythmic alliterations throughout, particularly the opening sequence.

    • I felt like I was in the room watching and feeling what your MC was feeling. Well done.

    • Difficult to imagine. difficult to read. Well written within the amount of time and space alloted.

  • The wedding photograph, splattered with blobs of blood, lay forlorn beside the bodies. While technicians transferred traces to build a case, Marey whisked the photo into an evidence bag before passing a magnifying […]

    • The details of this were just stunning. The alliteration you used made this really fun to read aloud and I loved the ending (not for the poor character, but for the reader!).

    • I didn’t notice the alliteration until I say Alyssa’s comment and I went back to read it again. I love a good alliteration – such fun to read. You captured a lot in so few words. Great ending.

    • ‘she freed facts from the image,’ ‘ love that phrase

    • Great word choices . Nice and dark. And freed the facts from the image is brilliant.

    • This was a great read and I enjoyed how you wove the prompt into it. You’ve also developed a very interesting character in Marey and I’d enjoy reading more about her adventures.

    • Well done. We’re right there with them- questioning, eager to find out more. 😀

    • “she freed facts from the image.” This sentence did it for me. Well done! Wow. I agree with Alyssa: just stunning.

    • I loved the way she was freeing facts from the image and the way she can seethe seeds of what has happened in it. Your imagery was spectacular and you portrayed an intuitive and interesting MC.

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  • A melange of mulching tree cast-offs muffles my footfall. A sallow sun peeks between clumping clouds. Unease weaves worry across my brow, over my shoulders. Dread lands with a thud in my gut. Lurking beneath a […]

    • This was a pleasure to read. Your aliteration was really fun. I especially liked the “melange of mulching tree cast-offs” and “snaggle of snitches, their eyes spinning like spiders”. Nicely done.

    • Very visual. Nicely worded! 😀

    • I read this thinking it was prison yard duty and imagining adult women snitching, then I had a perception of it being at an elementary school – and the blurry line between the two gives the story an interesting avenue for discussion. I especially love the last two lines and can completely picture little kids who picture themselves so tough with their feet hanging above the floor. Good job, this is a great piece.

  • “Wait! Savour with your eyes — finger fondle the stem — NOT the bowl —swirl, twirl — cascades of crimsons, legs like a race horse — bouquet of burnt biscuits, brocolli, bucolic but balanced — swish, swallow —fini […]

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  • Todd sat, arms folded across his chest, toe-tapping. From experience, I knew his eagle ears and eyes alert to the jangling bell overtop the door. Sweat shadowed my face, my palms. Forcing a breath, I swallowed, […]

    • Wow, this is intense. At the beginning the word “talon grip” threw me off course, I thought Todd was a dog. But then I got it. I like the spunk of the narrator. It takes so much courage to face the abuser. I also like the rollercoaster ride her emotions are on. First you think the narrator is so strong but then, at the end, you realize that it had taken all her strength. Great piece.

    • Great job CA. I could really feel the emotions shaking Amelia. The line – “His gaze pinned me as his prey.”- really struck home and set the tone. I pray the police get there – fast.

    • Courage, tension, sheer terror. You caught it all in this piece. I hope the police get there before he gets in. You did an amazing job wih this story. Thank you for sharing.

  • This Saturday morn, a day for Saturn, morphs into a melange of colours — canary, crimson, carrot — cascading across the sky. Shivers shudder up and down my spine, the cool air of dawn’s first hour drawing me clo […]

    • Many would do almost anything to be rejuvenated. Including malodorous herbs and pain.

    • I loved it and the descriptions, as usual, they were enticing and beautiful… but I got confused about the ring – at first I thought she was trying to clear a man from her life that might have been draining her…. but then she puts the ring on and gets young and gorgeous. What am I missing?! I want to know. 😀

    • Oh wouldn’t we all just slide over a ring and have the body of our dreams? But reading about all those herbs I know I wouldn’t want to swallow them…I like how you create this sinister witchy atmosphere – this flash fiction is the perfect piece for Halloween!

  • Nature splashes the sky with streaks of purple and periwinkle, portending or presenting the morn. After the first gulp of coffee, I slip onto a chair by a picture window, slurping with pleasure, surveying the […]

    • Nina replied 1 week ago

      Haha no good deed goes unpunished? I was curious about your use of portending or presenting and wondered, given a higher word count, if that might lead somewhere.

    • Jane replied 1 week ago

      Hi Alexis, oh this is a bit funny at the end. The lovely lyrical language, and then a nasty smelly little skunk comes in:) Well done.

    • really enjoyed your use of color

    • Fun! As always! 😀

    • Nice blend of the lyrical prose with the stinky smell. Very fun read.

    • I liked how you described the morning sky with such vivid imagery. The one thing that stood out to me was that it looked like there may be a transition missing from being inside having a coffee to going to inspect the trap?

  • Welcome

    Hold my hand

    Join my journey

    Embrace emotions

    Step into sensuousness

    With me

    Courage

    Lower your lids

    Touch each texture

    Apperceive aromas

    Play and probe

    Come along

    Breathe

    Sniff and […]

    • Nina replied 1 week ago

      Well done. I once thought jasmine until I walked out spring morning into the fragrance of a tangerine tree in bloom.

    • Teresa replied 1 week ago

      I could hear this as a TV commercial! The only word that caught me up was ‘snuff’ which in urban slang is to kill (or at least in the old meaning to extinguish like a candle) hmm… intended or not?

    • Hello C
      I like all the alliteration in the poem. But I’m not sure my brain definitely found the satire. Perhaps it is in the resemblance to an over-the-top perfume ad. Thanks for sharing.

    • Great alliteration, and the short lines make the poem punchy. I too could hear this as a tv or radio ad.

      I do wonder if there is a hidden message though. Is Jasmine poisonous – the use of courage? Another 13 – unlucky number? I get a feeling of murder here and you might not want to go with. I could be way off track, but there is a suspicious undertone – or I’ve been watching too many cop shows.

      Thanks for sharing.

    • I loved the language in the poem. I too could see this as a commercial. I agree I am not sure I understood the satire in the poem. Perhaps just a play on commercialism? Just another perfume add? Still, loved the poem!

  • The sky pulls a curtain of clouds across the sun as we walk, single-file, up the grassy incline. Madelief — Maddie, named for Nan, tugs on my left hand — my other hand grasps a bouquet of Gerberas, my mom’s fav […]

    • What a great visit.
      Love the ending!

      Thanks

    • those first three lines set the scene so well. I love the nod to pagan practice too,

    • Peaceful and loving. Very nice! 😀

    • Very beautiful. I like the way the sun comes out at the end. Some lovely images – I like “the blowsy weeping willow,” and “her caramel eyes determined and dark”. I found it very moving the way the MC starts to share a memory and then hears her mother’s voice completing the tale in her head. Such an imaginative way to say the MC misses her mom.

    • Hi CA, this is a lovely story of generations. I like how her memory is interrupted, and it doesn’t need to be relayed to us–the readers. They no doubt have endless memories, and she will make many more with Maddie. Quick typo fix, the first closing emdash should be right after “named for Nan” Thanks for sharing!

    • Very moving. I love the way you painted that scene. Nicely done.

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  • Silence descends, stifling the sounds around the table, each eye turns, staring at that one solitary seat: a statuary space. The pealing doorbell splinters the stillness. Rolling my eyes, I push away from the […]

    • I enjoyed this read and thought your use of descriptive language to describe the dinner was incredible. I have one question though, how do you see this fit to the 11am prompt? I was thinking that perhaps it had to do with Ante Meinwen being the last to arrive… at the 11th hour, so to speak?

    • This has a great rhythm! I like the alliteration and description throught. It flows nicely as a read.

    • The opening paragraph was especially beautiful. I felt it really set the scene. Enjoyable read!

  • My fingers grabbed my goblet, eyeing Jinni with Auntie-PQ, ears straining to eavesdrop. I nodded, noting his smile, hands grasping her proffered gift. After she toddled away, Jinni sorted his crayon palette by […]

    • Hi CA, I like your story–I imagine an old aunt and a little boy scribbling on paper. I wonder why the MC is eavsdropping–why they can’t be part of the events/conversation.

    • Nice! I’ve been in that Aunt spot before – it can be really interesting and fun. And who doesn’t like some original art?! 😀

    • I loved the ‘signed original’ part. I have some of those on my refrigerator. Nothing more precious. Well done.

    • Very cute Alexis. A beautiful drawing from the heart. I get quite a few of those in preschool:) Thanks for sharing.

  • Cay’s arched brow accented by a scowl silenced Nico’s response. Two produce bags stood open to receive in the sink. Two baking sheets shimmered in silver foil. The oven beeped at temperature. While Cay slipped on […]

    • Mmmmmmmm, baked cod! The imagery was really great. Only downside is now I’m hungry. 🙂

    • Some great imagery here, driving the poor cats to distraction. A great take on the prompt.

    • Wonderful imagery. So sensual. Poor cats. And, yes, perfect response to the prompt.

    • She sure doesn’t like to touch the raw fish. I hope the cats get something to eat too. Cute story.

    • HI CA, great story, I love how you jumped in the middle of the action and had us discover what these two were up to. Nice use of the prompt!

    • Who would’ve thought cooking fish is a two-person job. Sounds like quite the operation. I like the sensual details. Picking up the fish with two fingers. Then the cats meowing. I could almost smell it from here.

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Nissan Abadi

Profile picture of Nissan Abadi

@nissanabadi

Active 3 days, 19 hours ago
Short Story : 0
Poetry : 3
WTC : 0
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Dialogue : 0
Flash Fiction : 0