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  • Thank you for reading and commenting!!

  • Thank you for reading and commenting!!

  • Thank you so much for reading and commenting! I will continue to work on this piece.

  • Thank you so much for reading and commenting! I really appreciate your insight. I thought of incorporating longer sentences or more of varying length. I will continue to work on this piece.

  • Thank you so much for reading and commenting!

  • Thank you so much for reading and commenting!

  • Thank you for reading and commenting! This piece was sparked by the losses of so many of our older family members. I was thinking of their absences and the loss to our communities of their collective wisdom.

  • Thank you for reading and commenting!

  • Thank you so much for your comment. The short sentences were a challenge. You are correct, I wanted to show the MC’s frustration and vulnerability with the varying lengths sentences.

  • The Best of Mr. Henry by NetaQ

    #

    He tells of the good old days,
    a penny for this,
    a nickel for that

    when everyone was a friend,
    or an aunty, quick with a kind word,
    or the lash of a tongue.

    He wiped his […]

    • This was beautiful. The individual phrases all stood on their own to show his life and his experiences. You pack so much into this piece. I feel like you let us into his life and also showed his pride in how he had lived. He made me think of my father and remember him fondly. Poetry is supposed to make us think and reflect, and this was successful on both counts. Thanks for sharing.

      • Thank you for reading and commenting! This piece was sparked by the losses of so many of our older family members. I was thinking of their absences and the loss to our communities of their collective wisdom.

    • Loved it.

      I really liked the idea that everyone was an aunty or a friend and my favourite line: a remembered irony that made him a man.

    • This is beautiful .
      The contrast in how much emotion you conveyed in the telling of the old man’s life experiences versus the callousness and emptiness of the narrators distraction by a single simple phonecall highlights the differences between the two generations – its a hard-hitting punch to the gut.
      Have we lost our empathy and compassion as humans ,distracted by trivial things?
      I found this so profound.

    • Hi Neta

      Mr Henry sounds quite a character. You captured the rhythm so well, without rhyme either, which is quite a feat.

      ‘his father’s liquid courage’ is a magical line full of art and substance.

      Thanks for sharing this deep and considered piece.

      Martin

    • Haunting and beautiful. My favorite parts:

      cursing his mother’s
      lineage and his father’s
      liquid courage.

      and

      a remembered irony that made him a man,

      I can see Henry, leaning in to speak his words, resolved, thoughtful, reflective.

      A wonderful poem. A character portrait so well done. Thank you for sharing.

    • Hi Neta,

      That’s a really powerful poem with so many intense images. I love the way you portray the old Mr Henry and his past, and then bring us back (reluctantly) to the here and now. Great stuff.

      Best wishes for enjoying the festive season and I look forward to more of your poems in 2021.

  • Absolutely beautiful, inspiring, and informative. You chose to rhyme and I couldn’t help but think of this in the form of a song, a rap, or as a nonfiction piece visually illustrated for children. Great job!

  • This is an introspective thoughtful piece. I love that it is relatable. I love that you repeated ‘decorating, shopping, baking’ – five weeks prior to Christmas and the day before Christmas. This is a living breathing poem…

  • This is written so beautifully to capture a commonly used strategy. I love each line and line and the almost lighthearted way you painted this picture with words.

  • This is an inspiring, beautiful, and thought provoking piece. The ghosts we wrestle with to know more or not to… You painted this picture of strength in vulnerability. A yearning. A soul searching. If? If? The last line is my favorite. It is the icing on the cake…

  • Promises And Expectations by NetaQ

    #

    We were introduced by friends. A month after Valentine’s Day. An extrovert and an introvert sitting in a bar. This became our relationship theme. That odd and familiar r […]

    • I love the description you give of sounding out her name. “a tidal wave going through his head” when she ended the relationship is spot on. Your short staccato sentenced show his frustration with his relationships. Thank you for sharing.

      • Thank you so much for your comment. The short sentences were a challenge. You are correct, I wanted to show the MC’s frustration and vulnerability with the varying lengths sentences.

    • I could feel the gritted teeth of the narrator so often during this tale of mismatched lovers. Your protagonist is so vulnerable and we got a clue early on that this was not going to end well: he cooks for me, you know me, I sit…..
      I felt a little more contrast in the writing would have highlighted his frustration and sadness more, for example in the beginning longer flowing sentences could turn into shorter to indicate the change in direction.
      I enjoyed the read, thank you.

      • Thank you so much for reading and commenting! I really appreciate your insight. I thought of incorporating longer sentences or more of varying length. I will continue to work on this piece.

    • I thought you wrote this really well.
      My only nitpick is your narrators voice- I got pure female…not a male protagonist.
      Yes,there are more sensitive males out there,but the observations and details screamed woman to me.

      I found I also wanted more ‘ feeling’ from ‘him’ when he got dumped. Considering he was so smitten with her in the beginning,- the ending was sort of lukewarm, at odds with the rest of his keen observations- I think the balance is off ,or not in keeping with your earlier portrayal of his character.
      But other than that…a unique retelling of an age-old story. Well done!

  • A captivating story!! The tension was unbearable. I felt my heart drop when I thought the MC was about to be fired. Love that it was only a dream and the reality of the situation was positive. Your descriptions were on point. You painted the picture of this story so well. Your arc is magnificent.

  • This is such a beautiful piece. I love the reminiscences. The memories are gripping and captivating. This little boy who loved life, and the beach, and trains. The portrayal of his parents dilemma is quite real and engaging.

  • This was a rollicking ride. By the end I was laughing and shaking my head. I love the buildup and really felt sad for Megan in the beginning. By the end I wanted to grab and shake her. I love your descriptions and the tone throughout.

  • This is memorable and sad. Your descriptions are beautifully written. I felt the love and pain of each and every scene. I love your hopeful and optimistic ending. Well done!!!

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