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  • Thank you for reading and commenting! I really appreciate that some part of this piece resonated. It was quite an emotional journey.

  • Thank you for reading and commenting! This was such a hard piece to write. Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day was October 15th. It is always hard to write about children being hurt or impacted negatively. This piece was from the perspective of a parent.

  • Thank you for reading and commenting! Yes, space and the wideness of its expanse, whether it is a large room or outside of your bubble can seem confining and overwhelming to the point of stealing your air.

  • Thank you for reading and commenting! With such an experience, everything we go through seems normal and abnormal at the same time.

  • Thank you for reading! I will continue to work on this piece. I didn’t want to reveal the turmoil and agony, or misplaced blame and shame, directly. The main character is in her head lost to her memories.

  • Thank you for reading!! This piece was tricky and it is still a work in progress… someone losing a little one, drowning in a bath tub and the memories, regardless of time and space and seasons, continue to hurt and agonize…

  • Before the Flowers by NetaQ

    #

    The scene of a tomb
    Riveted to the drizzle
    Condemned to a barren womb
    As the rain pours and sizzle

    The facility of womanhood
    Agitating nerves to brood
    Typical of the species, […]

    • Every line has a rhyming partner. Love it!
      –Perhaps you could reword rain and pour here: “As the rains pour and sizzle” so the reader isn’t expecting “sizzles”
      –I am missing the meaning of the second stanza, the comparison to womanhood (other than the reference to a barren womb). It is probably just me confused, or perhaps it could use something to help the reader understand.
      –I especially like the last stanza.
      Thanks for sharing! -Becky

      • Thank you for reading!! This piece was tricky and it is still a work in progress… someone losing a little one, drowning in a bath tub and the memories, regardless of time and space and seasons, continue to hurt and agonize…

    • I am not sure what you mean by some of the phrases. Now part of this club, Memories drowning in space. Maybe the first stanza could set the reader up with more clarity, then they could interpret the rest once they know what you are talking about. I feel like you knew what you were trying to say, but I couldn’t find your meaning. Thanks for sharing and your poem did make me think.

      • Thank you for reading! I will continue to work on this piece. I didn’t want to reveal the turmoil and agony, or misplaced blame and shame, directly. The main character is in her head lost to her memories.

    • Heavy and True…As the rain pours and sizzle YES!
      Loss that the rain fails to cool.

      • Thank you for reading and commenting! With such an experience, everything we go through seems normal and abnormal at the same time.

    • I like the closing image. One seldom thinks of space as capable of causing drowning. Drowning feels more claustrophobic to me, so to think of it in the open is very interesting.

      • Thank you for reading and commenting! Yes, space and the wideness of its expanse, whether it is a large room or outside of your bubble can seem confining and overwhelming to the point of stealing your air.

    • Hi Neta, I didn’t pick up that this was written about the loss of a child through drowning in the bathtub. How sad.
      Still a lovely poem, even without the full understanding of its purpose.
      Well done and thanks for sharing:)

      • Thank you for reading and commenting! This was such a hard piece to write. Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day was October 15th. It is always hard to write about children being hurt or impacted negatively. This piece was from the perspective of a parent.

    • Hi Neta, I understood the poem better after reading your answers to other people’s comments. I like your last line particularly: ‘Memories drowning in space’. Thank you for sharing a very emotional scenario.

      • Thank you for reading and commenting! I really appreciate that some part of this piece resonated. It was quite an emotional journey.

  • I love how you use this children’s simple rhyme to show a resolve to do something. Interesting piece! I love the lines,

    five, six
    there is no fix

  • This is absolutely beautiful and sad. Your descriptions are so full of of love, worth, and emotionally drenched in the wrongness of 2020. I love your lines,
    I can leave my house
    But the fear keeps me inside

  • A tongue twisting fun rhyme time. I love your play on words with the prompt.

  • The progression of this piece is fascinating. The transitions, descriptions, and mood, quite engaging. Its almost palpable, your words captivatingly portrayed the disgust, distrust, and abject nothingness to which ‘he’ was relegated.
    I love the lines,
    “You sneak into my dreams at dusk
    You are wearing clothes of someone I trust –”

  • Thank you so much for reading and commenting!!

  • If Wishes Were Real by NetaQ

    #

    The Past

    Sharon walked to the end of Henry Street, then turn right onto Gilmore Lane, and the last two blocks to 2332 Brookline Avenue. The white, thirteen-gallon trashbag hung […]

    • Wow. So terribly sad, yet so beautifully written. There is so much gentle nuance to the piece which will stay in my thoughts. The painting of the last supper and all the symbolism it carries of treachery and forgiveness. The soft bed been a welcome solace after a beating. Imagery is very strong and you used the prompt well, twisting words unsaid to perhaps actions we take which mean more. Well done.

    • A lovely, heartwarming piece.

      I enjoyed your descriptions and the way you strove to render the image real, for example: The orange drawstring wrapped twice around her palm, pulled at the ligaments, shoulder to elbow to the wrist. A shocking curl of pain and numbness slithered through to her fingers, numbing.
      It makes the text come alive and the reader feel what you’re main character is experiencing.

      Two things, 1)in the paragraph ‘Aunt Joan opened the door…’ to ‘her body to this earth”, you use the word ‘look’ five times and 2) Sharon’s mother is referred to as Ms. Lavonne in the paragraph where Sharon’s dad rejects her. I felt it was a bit strange to use a title such as Ms. and since it’s her first name, it was even stranger to use the title. Or did I miss something here?

      Strong writing. Really makes a person think.

  • What a sad and beautiful story. You captured the MCs grace, dignity, and suffering through your nuanced descriptions. Your ending is the icing on the cake!!

  • This was quite captivating. You painted the picture of your MCs dilemma in such a subtle way that the ending was quite a surprise. Your descriptions were on point. It was suspenseful throughout. I was engaged and felt the tension of the interactions through to the climax.

  • Hi Arlene, I am laughing so loud and hard. This is quite a divine piece. You painted this picture of John’s shyness and stuttering persona quite well!! Sherlock was ‘shellacked.’ I truly enjoyed this piece. I wish you had started the beginning from the middle, interspersing, John’s musings throughout. But, absolutely captivating.

  • Hi Susan,This is a remarkable story!! I felt I learned something today about unions. Unions are people too. You painted this piece with such a matter of fact and caring brush. You tenderly set the stage and encouraged your MC to shine. Great piece!!

  • Thank you for your response. Hope you are feeling better. Blessing!

  • Thank you for commenting!! I could not read your post. Please review what you wrote.

  • Thank you for reading! One of our worst hidden secrets is the fact that most of us look at single people as rejects. We do not realize that most choose to remain unencumbered. Your reaction to the styrofoam and paper plate line is actually an incident that I witnessed at a party last year, 2019. A guest refused to accept the styrofoam plate given…[Read more]

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NetaQ

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