Hi Ben
Was getting concerned that the bickering was happening for too long before Saleem’s interruption – , but I appreciate that you were adding a comic touch – perhaps that could be aided by inclusion of action/description of Saleem- like eating sipping his drink whilst watching the tennis match back and forth between the love triangle,…[Read more]

Tx Ben – like you… life a bit of playing catch up at the moment.
Thanks for reading and commenting
xx

Hey Ben
Similar to the comments above – loved the detailed descriptions of the boat but I felt Kate’s observation of its furnishings slightly consumed her emotional response to the fact that she basically has been taken hostage at gunpoint. Having said that, I do like how you’ve made the sleek clinical energy of the boat echo the cool menace…[Read more]

Hi Maria

Am so sorry I didn’t fall into your story sooner. Has such a fable kind of magic style to it and yet so colloquially cool.
Your turn of phrase is exciting to read , like : ‘He thought about his own boredom of late, and tried to imagine being trapped here, alone, in this world of never-ending summer afternoon’
I noticed some word…[Read more]

Oh Gosh. Jumped into your story now so late towards the end and it sucked me right in. I have no context about your characters since this is the first scene I’ve read but I already found myself feeling very afraid for Curtis. What is going to happen to him!!!?
Lovely descriptions of the devastation that the hurricane has done to the landscape,…[Read more]

Hi Jens

I really do like your style and once again am wishing I’d been following this from the beginning. So many interesting layers it seems to the theme of protagonist, antagonist – ‘heroes abound’. The pace is swift – something wish I could get right – the exposition when he was trying to sleep but remembering back, was effortless (…[Read more]

Hi Ben
wow what a change in energy this scene had. Your description of the yacht in contrast to Dreamweaver gave the story an eerie almost sinister quality which I think is a great layer to add as we ramp up towards the end. I felt a sort of David and Goliath quality in your descriptions of the size discrepancies, as if a great shadow fell…[Read more]

HI SJ
So long since I’ve read your story am sorry I don’t know the relationship dynamics , but it seemed like a very dramatic poignant scene.
You gave some idea of the connections between characters by describing the colour and intensity of their eyes and gaze , which I enjoyed. I would have liked some more descriptions in terms of the…[Read more]

HI Jens
Have not read your work before but found your style intriguing. Contemporary and relaxed but with a fable like edge. Makes me regret not reading it earlier on from the start of the challenge so I can have the context to comment against. I found a few repetitions of words in succession that jumped out at me , and things like;
” like My…[Read more]

He Ben

Actually I have you and your feedback to thank for this little twist. In a recent scene you said you hoped Titanius’ death was there for a reason other than torture the reader (LOL) and your words gave a spark to this unfolding- so thank YOU! Proof that this writing challenge and the feedback offered by the community is really very…[Read more]

Hi Ben
Thanks again for the feedback. Yeah that ‘before’ sentence was meant that way but I suppose I need to play around with it to give it more sense. (its me going all Alice In Wonderland down the rabbit hole again)
Yeah Andy’s grieving stupor is her dark night of the soul- am kind of liking her inertia, its different to write for. I’ll be…[Read more]

Hi Ben

Thanks very much for your comment. Its been a bit of a lonely journey this challenge , and having not much interest/feedback every week does of course make my inner critic behave like the grinch… but I’ve gained, I believe , a sort of accountability to listen to my grinche’s grumblings but carry on regardless and show up for my…[Read more]

Hi Jessica
Haven’t read your work for months but it was lovely getting back into this fantasy folklore world of yours. Certainly much has happened plot wise that I’m unaware of , but nonetheless I can feel Midir’s panic and you’ve created this tension precisely. Would have loved even a slight description of noise or sensation before the last…[Read more]