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  • Millie started taking the course 52 Scenes 9 months, 2 weeks ago

  • Millie commented on the post, ONE DAY by Millie Aleph 1 year ago

    Thank you so much for comments, I will keep all these points when I write next time!! Thanks so much

  • ONE DAY by Millie Aleph#It hurts Jerry, it  really does. I knew it will , I know it should. But, I wanted to break it so bad ,I  thought I’ll be happy, at least relieved. May be, I was, for a while. But, no one e […]

    • Hey Millie, so much relatable stuff in this sad breakup story! Such poignant grief in how you catch yourself in your old coupley habits or the non linearity of grief, the way it takes you by surprise. I was not clear on if there was physical abuse or not from a few hints about the bruises, and I would have liked more references to it if there was abuse, either how she justifies it or maybe wondering about it with the new lady love. And is that why she broke it off, even though she was devastated afterward? i thought the reference to the coldness following the hurricane was a good metaphor to use. Where I live it gets bitter cold following blizzards and I didn’t realize it would be the same with a tropical storm, Anyway, lots of good stuff here, but it would be helpful to be a little more clear on what the relationship was about and why she chose to leave. Why she thought she’d be happier, and then wasn’t. Thanks for sharing!!

      • Millie replied 1 year ago

        Thank you so much for comments, I will keep all these points when I write next time!! Thanks so much

    • Hello Millie,
      I love how you use language that engulfs the reader into the story to the point they can feel the treason, the pain and the loneliness.
      But it is also great you opened up the end to healing, becoming yourself again and finding balance in life.
      Great job for evoking feelings but also giving hope. 🙂

  • I didn’t know how to unwind the characters and then didn’t had time to work on it. Thanks for your time and comment

  • Yes, i had the idea for the story , but didn’t sit down and work on it till last minute..so..it does need a bit of editing..
    Thank you so much for your comment.

  • IN FEW SECONDS by Mille Aleph

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    It started like any other day. You wake up to your alarm, curse and groan, hates the shower , hates more the job you have to go, but, you do all that anyway and just go on with […]

    • So this story has me all turned around. At first I was confused but the you and he and she, the disembodied inner monologues and then I hoped it was all intentional, like a sort of multi-dimensional page, that left me feeling like the characters, dazed and confused. I have no idea if that was your intention, but I was profoundly moved by this story.

    • Nice story that reminds us to always appreciate the small things. In the first few paragraphs it felt like perspectives shifted and I was not sure who we were following and what was happening. I think you might benefit also from reading and editing once or twice before posting. This will definitely improve the grammar and the reader follow the events.

      • Yes, i had the idea for the story , but didn’t sit down and work on it till last minute..so..it does need a bit of editing..
        Thank you so much for your comment.

  • Thanks for feedback.I cut it down a lot to fit in to word limit…1000 words…

  • Millie and Profile picture of BogdanaBogdana are now friends 1 year, 3 months ago

  • THATS HOW IT ALL HAPPENED..!! Millie Aleph

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    Truth, we have to tell the truth, that’s it”. Tony is just staring at me. “Do you have any better plan?” He just exhaled. What on earth is wrong with him?, I thought […]

    • I like your twist at the end to solve the problem. Maybe a little more pacing would be good but to finish off your an interesting story.

    • Thanks for feedback.I cut it down a lot to fit in to word limit…1000 words…

    • Hi Millie. You are good at creating dramatic dialogue and a fast-paced conversation! You writing has an almost screenplay-like quality that makes it feel like it will work being acted out as a drama/video.
      Something that I found challenging: I felt like I didn’t know who was speaking most of the time. Making sure that your reader always knows which character is speaking really prevents the clarity of the story line to get hazy. If you don’t know who is speaking, what is happening tends to get fuzzy!
      I would also suggest keeping the punctuation simple and standard to avoid distracting from what is happening, although that is a matter of personal choice. Capitalisation of full words should be used extremely sparingly in fiction, although as author that also remains your choice. It took me a while to realise that Waffles was the cat, so that just shows you how important the correct use of capital letters are!
      You’ve created great drama and conflict and has resolved it effectively! Keep writing! 😉

  • Millie and Profile picture of CobusCobus are now friends 1 year, 3 months ago

  • Thank you so much.
    I did realise problems with sentence construction.Going to keep that in mind , next time.
    Thank you so much.

  • Wow…Thank you so much..it’s my first time..I was not sure about grammar and punctuation..Will focus on it next time.
    Thank you for your time..really appreciate it.

  • In To The Depths Of Nila by Millie Aleph

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                     I know this sounds weird. But I’m worried about Kochi, and I can’t say it out loud without having to convince myself that it’s not another parano […]

    • Wow, the imagery in this piece is really vivid. From the first image of the house with the marigold, to the clothing line between the coconut trees, to the wilted flowers when we realize she is gone. Beautiful work.

    • I really love your imagery. This little tale is well thought out and I really enjoyed your unique voice and way of writing the narrative. The speech was a little hard to follow sometimes due to lost words and punctuation – I apologise if this was a stylistic decision as it did support the voice, but disrupted the flow of your writing a little. The way you encompassed the character’s backstory was great – starting with Kochi going missing, telling backstory and returning to the story of her missing. Like I said, great imagery – one particular line stood out to me: ‘You can feel the chains straining on your ankles holding you back to where you are.’ Really lovely stuff – thank you for sharing 🙂

      • Wow…Thank you so much..it’s my first time..I was not sure about grammar and punctuation..Will focus on it next time.
        Thank you for your time..really appreciate it.

    • I love your descriptions and that you used so many sense to submerge the reader into the story. You can built on your grammar, which will help you to tell your stories even better. However, your imagination in giving life to the story is great.

    • This story swept me away & made me long to travel! I could almost smell the cardamom tea.

      However, some of the sentences were a bit confusing & a bit lengthy. A good way to edit your own work is to read it out loud to yourself. This really helps to hear clunky sentences etc.

      ‘…how lonely she must have felt to be abandoned by a river side and not having a boat to row away…’ Then there were gems of images like this one. Lovely!

      • Thank you so much.
        I did realise problems with sentence construction.Going to keep that in mind , next time.
        Thank you so much.

  • Millie changed their profile picture 1 year, 6 months ago

  • Millie's profile was updated 1 year, 6 months ago

Millie

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@millie

Active 1 year, 5 months ago
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