• I don’t know what I’m doing to be honest. I need to revise the current one. I like the deadline structure – keep me working. But don’t want to end up with too many projects under construction and none finished. But then if I don’t, will I do anything anyway. I’d like a 6 month break then start again in June perhaps. 🙂 You?

  • I do remember now. I think if I had read it through as a book, not this weekly drop in I would have recalled that. Especially if it’s a thread in the story. LOL on the chicken.

  • I like the way this was handled. It not common, but it does happen when the better-looking guy helps his less confident friend with the girls – it’s not a terrible thing. Just the way Duncan puts everything – a smarmy smear on everything he does.
    He did say sorry, I don’t believe he’s learnt anything, but he did say it – so we’ll take it from…[Read more]

  • Great action and pacing around the building. This club under construction is a great setting in this story. It’s got so much of its own character. I guess you could develop it like that when you revise. Let the building start one way then end up another – like a living thing with moods and a personality.
    The action was great as they sur…[Read more]

  • Thanks for the read. That train bit, don’t know why, but I rewrote it so many times. Happy it worked out eventually. Ethan sent a message to his INTERPOL lady, Simone about sending someone to the hotel to meet/help them. I considered the idea of a shootout on the train – but it felt a little too Hollywood. 🙂

  • Catherine went to fetch Charlotte, what was the reason for this – I’m sure you’ve mentioned this before. It’s a hell of a trip – looking for motivation personally.
    Might be an idea to search and replace one of these names. Got a touch confusing for a second for me – this is a me issue, however. Maybe Katherine would be better. 😉
    I like that s…[Read more]

  • Thanks for the read and thoughts as always. I do like that you see them as a great adventure couple – this is what I was going for. 😉

  • Michael commented on the post, Tin's Bended by nsbnina 2 days ago

    I do like that Amy (in a sad way) is kind of figuring out what kind of person/father Michael is. Not an easy thing for a kid of accept. Let’s hope Alden is better or finds a way to bond with her. They’ve kind of been at opposite ends with Clarissa in the middle.
    I need a reminder how Frank Monroe fits in again, it’s there somewhere in a foggy…[Read more]

  • Don’t slip.

    Don’t let go.

    Can you even do this?

    Thoughts flashed in Madison’s head as she followed Ethan’s ever quickening pace alongside the rattling train. Her boots kicked up stones and dirt as she increas […]

    • Good going, Ethan. Quite the change from the innocuous guy on the bus tour, eh?
      Madison is amazing. I thought she might have fractured a toe. The series/movies bit was cute. They’d make a great couple in an adventure series. Hmmm. Good job on the action/settings.

      • Thanks for the read and thoughts as always. I do like that you see them as a great adventure couple – this is what I was going for. 😉

    • I think this is one of the best scenes you’ve written for a while. I think you nailed the detail of the train scene brilliantly – the run, the catch, the sense of exposure and the movements of Ethan and Maddison. I too liked the movie/tv series reference – good chuckle (although did think the brevity of the shootout/chase a little too, well… brief…but only because I was really enjoying the energy of the moment and the clarity of the writing). The arrival in town was vivid, although did wonder why they would even go to their planned hotel given Terrence’s knowledge. Perhaps they left something vital? That said, good to see the action is about to take off again. Looking forward to what comes next and the ultimate resolution (Maddison’s Dad might even show up?). Well done. A

      • Thanks for the read. That train bit, don’t know why, but I rewrote it so many times. Happy it worked out eventually. Ethan sent a message to his INTERPOL lady, Simone about sending someone to the hotel to meet/help them. I considered the idea of a shootout on the train – but it felt a little too Hollywood. 🙂

        • I think the more you write and rewrite a scene even at this stage, the stronger it seems to land. Too hollywood? I love the tension you are creating between Hollywood style and not – keep it going to the end!

  • Thanks for the read. He was under investigation but set his wife up for the fall. But now things have changed. His stakes are sky high because he has witnesses to silence. 😉

  • Thanks for the read and insightful comments. You’re spot on with the thugs, when I read it over I’ll amend to some of your suggestions. Or, be smarter and limit my use. Correct on the boxes, I added a throw away line to explain what happened to them – this was a space issue. You have uncovered all my demons this scene. LOL. I do appreciate the…[Read more]

  • If it upsets people then leave it in. LOL.

  • Thanks for the read and high praise. I wanted this to be a page turning no fluff adventure. Why write the boring bits. 😉 So few scenes left now, and I know the ending – just need to get there neatly.

  • You nailed that dream sequence so well I kind of half thought her meeting Duncan at the end was somehow part of it. Well handled car sequence – nice touch with the toll booth – that always wakes up sleeping people when I travel to KZN.
    Dropping her stuff. She needs to pull it together man. 😉
    This was a nice light scene, feels like something is changing.

  • Thanks for the read, glad it read all good. In the earlier scene (thereabouts), Terrance said not to fill the crates or they’ll be too heavy. I did think about it – so many challenges to overcome when you make stuff up. 😉

  • Awesome pacing with these two scenes – it’s like an action movie, skipping from scene to scene – all connected. Like the truck chase, felt crazy and out of control.
    Shame, three of them didn’t make it – must wonder if they would have chosen death over being some prize in a human trafficking business. Are they better off?
    I also liked the small…[Read more]

  • I liked this, it read exactly like you’d expect to feel. The pacing was also great, the different sensations, ideas and feelings all crashing together.
    You’ve certainly left a lot of questions to answer now. The obsidian orbs not humming, how does that relate to being reborn?
    Rather interesting.

  • Thanks for the read, happy the image clues worked. I suppose he could have heard it, and put things together, or realised they hadn’t run the way he thought they did and backtracked. I couldn’t just have them stroll into town hand in hand without a worry between them. 😉

  • Such an ominous scenario, nothing more deadly than an angry mob. You built it well from the bus stop, Lucy’s reluctance to go to work – set the tone well.
    Lucio is treating her very well, respectful, I could almost sense him battling with what to do about her – get her safe and sacrifice his stuff or let her stay.
    There was such an air of prese…[Read more]

  • You make valid points. Some I can wave a hand at and magically ignore – others will need some thought. 😉 I always like a line of realism running through in my stuff, even if I’m talking about dragons and space ships – so your comments are valued.

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Michael

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@michael

Active 11 minutes ago
Short Story : 11
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52 Scenes : 47
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Flash Fiction : 0