• Hi Jan,
    I was so excited to read this continuation of the ‘Tiger hunt’! It was really interesting and mysterious as always. I suspected that something is off when the doctor Lemaire entered the room because Louise was calling him by his last name. This is great idea and the way you write it’s even greater. You are an artist so talented that you…[Read more]

  • Hi Jan,
    I’m amazed with the twist! Since I’ve read the first part before I always knew that Roger couldn’t be up to something good. This is a great example why we shouldn’t give our personal information to a stranger on the other side, cause we cannot know whois really there. Thank you for writing this, maybe some of imprudent people will think…[Read more]

  • Thanks! I appreciate your feedback. I’ll try to fix things soon.

  • Thanks for the feedback, I’ll try my best to edit it soon

  • Thanks Jan 😊

  • Thank you 😀

  • Thank you very much, I’m glade you liked the story. Maybe, if you want to know past event that have led Freya to this moment, you could read the previous prompt ‘signature’ with the name ‘Fairy’ s curs’.

  • Thank you for the advice 🙂

  • Thank you Michael, I appreciate your feedback. I will keep in mind your advice and try my best to edit this part soon. I understand that this story might be unclear or confusing, but that’s is because this is second part of it the first part is in the previous prompt 😊

  • It’s been a long time since Freya Evans returned to Vercast, the town of fairies and elves. She accepted the fate of the sacrifice for love and pleaded for forgiveness of her husband, Daniel. But Freya’s been […]

    • Very nice imagery. I liked the lunch scene, and could easily see it fully. This might could use some more conflict, to make the stakes of why she has to leave. It is a bit unclear what she is going back to. Good job!

    • This was a good story, some nice imagery and you created a magical world that invites more telling. I think you should try and explain more in the opening about what’s going on. A tiny bit of why, where, who and how is missing. Not critical. There’s an error here (maybe), “Freya patiently waited for Daniel to come home from the fairly council meeting…” was this supposed to be fairy? 😉 Also here, “She just sat there and gazed in Daniel.” Might have been simpler to say She just sat there looking at Daniel / or looking at her spoon.
      Overall solid, but it just needs a little bit of polish and perhaps another read through. I always print out what I write and then read it again – I catch many small errors this way. They drive me crazy. I liked your story, and please bear in mind I’m no expert at this – just mentioning the things I noticed. Nice job!

      • Thank you Michael, I appreciate your feedback. I will keep in mind your advice and try my best to edit this part soon. I understand that this story might be unclear or confusing, but that’s is because this is second part of it the first part is in the previous prompt 😊

    • This is a sweet story and I am always pleased to find strong women.
      You leave out a few details that might make the story easier to follow, however. I wonder why Freya felt the urge to leave. Where would she go? Was there someone, something she was going to? What was wrong with where she was?

      In the end we find out that she is going back to ‘Earth’ presumably from Fairy. But what was wrong with her Fairy life? And what was it about the sacrs on her hands that were starting to fade.

      MORE! You have piqued my curiosity. I want more…..

      • Thank you very much, I’m glade you liked the story. Maybe, if you want to know past event that have led Freya to this moment, you could read the previous prompt ‘signature’ with the name ‘Fairy’ s curs’.

    • Enjoyed the imagery you had, some spots were a bit choppy for me. I got a little confused as to where she was and what/why she was trying to escape. But overall I really liked your storyline and the world created! Great job!

    • Dear Ivana,
      I am happy to read about Freya again and that she has managed to escape her husband’s clutches. Good for her and I hope her return to Earth will allow her to reunite with her lost love and live happily ever after.

      Constructive feedback – like some of the readers say above, the piece can do with a bit of tension e.g. have her worry that the sleeping dust might not work, or worry that she gave him too much and that it might kill him. Or that the key breaks in the door as she tries to open it.

      Thank you for your contribution and looking forward to reading you again!

    • This story had some great visual elements. I agree with some of the other comments, that the conflict or crisis Freya was having could have been more clearly defined. Things skipped along a very fast pace, partly because of the limited word space I am sure, but some things seemed disconnected, like her being scared to do anything, and then shifting to her already having already stolen the key. There also seemed to be some shifting of tenses, from past tense to present tense and back.
      That being said, this story flowed smoothly in its major points from beginning to end. And we got a look at a character and her relationships to the world and the person closest to her (whether she liked him or not). I would take the word limit off yourself and revisit this story, expand it, and see where it goes. Good job!

    • Hi Ivana,
      I really liked the story you wrote, and the world you brought into being. As the people said above there were a few things that could be fixed: Tension, conflict, or more explanation. But other than that the story was really good. I liked how your main character was able to overcome her husband to free herself from a terrible contract! Those Fey can be sneaky! Great job!

    • I enjoyed your story, but because I didn’t know it was a sequel, I was a bit confused. Maybe next time alert the reader that this is a. I tinting story. I am writing a continuing story and am labeling the prompts as chapters. Overall, it was well written. Not sure about the fading scars, but that was probably covered in the previous story.

    • Ivana, I really enjoyed your story. Some beautiful imagery and it flowed nicely. Like others noted some story tension, an explanation of the “Curse” and who the MC was referring to when she said “My Love” in the end – would have helped me enjoy the story a little better. But all in all – really good.

    • I enjoyed this continuation of the tale.And I can’t help wondering if she may be pregnant following her actions of the night before (that would create some complications while she escaped). The trouble with these short word counts is that these serials don’t get a chance to build up enough tension before ending! However, there is always the next prompt!!
      Just a bit of feedback – keep an eye on tenses – there were a few leaps from present to past tense. Still plenty of questions to be answered but still plenty of prompts left to resolve those! Good use of prompt by the way.

    • Hi Ivana, Luckily I read the first part of your story so I knew why she wanted to return to Earth and that she did not love her husband. Maybe if you write a part 2 again you could say in the warning area or somewhere that this is Part 2:) Then people know to go back and Read Part 1 so it will make more sense.
      I enjoyed your story and am so glad she got away from her nasty husband. Your ideas are very interesting and I like the way you right. There are quite a few tense issues (which I struggle with myself) and some incorrect prepositions which can take away from it flowing as smoothly as it could. Perhaps as others have suggested use the app that reads it aloud to you or read it aloud yourself a few times to try to catch these. Here are a couple:
      When he appeared on the door, – should be when he appeared at the door
      She just sat there and gazed in Daniel – should be She just sat there and gazed at Daniel
      Well done and keep writing:))

  • Sure, thanks for the feedback. I appreciate it and I’ll look forward to editing the mistakes soon. Thanks a lot!

  • Thans Jan, I will make sure to edit soon 🙂 thanks for reading and lovely feedback as always 😀

  • Thanks, I will try to make less mistakes in the next story and sure will edit this one 😉

  • Hi Jane, first of all thanks for reading. I agree that this short story demands an edit and I will looking forward to do so. Thank you for the feedback!

  • Ivana_S98 and Profile picture of Doug LiberatiDoug Liberati are now friends 4 months ago

  • Beautiful, emotional story ❤️

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