• The wedding photograph, splattered with blobs of blood, lay forlorn beside the bodies. While technicians transferred traces to build a case, Marey whisked the photo into an evidence bag before passing a magnifying […]

    • The details of this were just stunning. The alliteration you used made this really fun to read aloud and I loved the ending (not for the poor character, but for the reader!).

    • I didn’t notice the alliteration until I say Alyssa’s comment and I went back to read it again. I love a good alliteration – such fun to read. You captured a lot in so few words. Great ending.

    • ‘she freed facts from the image,’ ‘ love that phrase

    • Great word choices . Nice and dark. And freed the facts from the image is brilliant.

    • This was a great read and I enjoyed how you wove the prompt into it. You’ve also developed a very interesting character in Marey and I’d enjoy reading more about her adventures.

    • Well done. We’re right there with them- questioning, eager to find out more. 😀

    • “she freed facts from the image.” This sentence did it for me. Well done! Wow. I agree with Alyssa: just stunning.

    • I loved the way she was freeing facts from the image and the way she can seethe seeds of what has happened in it. Your imagery was spectacular and you portrayed an intuitive and interesting MC.

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  • A melange of mulching tree cast-offs muffles my footfall. A sallow sun peeks between clumping clouds. Unease weaves worry across my brow, over my shoulders. Dread lands with a thud in my gut. Lurking beneath a […]

    • This was a pleasure to read. Your aliteration was really fun. I especially liked the “melange of mulching tree cast-offs” and “snaggle of snitches, their eyes spinning like spiders”. Nicely done.

    • Very visual. Nicely worded! 😀

    • I read this thinking it was prison yard duty and imagining adult women snitching, then I had a perception of it being at an elementary school – and the blurry line between the two gives the story an interesting avenue for discussion. I especially love the last two lines and can completely picture little kids who picture themselves so tough with their feet hanging above the floor. Good job, this is a great piece.

  • “Wait! Savour with your eyes — finger fondle the stem — NOT the bowl —swirl, twirl — cascades of crimsons, legs like a race horse — bouquet of burnt biscuits, brocolli, bucolic but balanced — swish, swallow —fini […]

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  • Todd sat, arms folded across his chest, toe-tapping. From experience, I knew his eagle ears and eyes alert to the jangling bell overtop the door. Sweat shadowed my face, my palms. Forcing a breath, I swallowed, […]

    • Wow, this is intense. At the beginning the word “talon grip” threw me off course, I thought Todd was a dog. But then I got it. I like the spunk of the narrator. It takes so much courage to face the abuser. I also like the rollercoaster ride her emotions are on. First you think the narrator is so strong but then, at the end, you realize that it had taken all her strength. Great piece.

    • Great job CA. I could really feel the emotions shaking Amelia. The line – “His gaze pinned me as his prey.”- really struck home and set the tone. I pray the police get there – fast.

    • Courage, tension, sheer terror. You caught it all in this piece. I hope the police get there before he gets in. You did an amazing job wih this story. Thank you for sharing.

  • This Saturday morn, a day for Saturn, morphs into a melange of colours — canary, crimson, carrot — cascading across the sky. Shivers shudder up and down my spine, the cool air of dawn’s first hour drawing me clo […]

    • Many would do almost anything to be rejuvenated. Including malodorous herbs and pain.

    • I loved it and the descriptions, as usual, they were enticing and beautiful… but I got confused about the ring – at first I thought she was trying to clear a man from her life that might have been draining her…. but then she puts the ring on and gets young and gorgeous. What am I missing?! I want to know. 😀

    • Oh wouldn’t we all just slide over a ring and have the body of our dreams? But reading about all those herbs I know I wouldn’t want to swallow them…I like how you create this sinister witchy atmosphere – this flash fiction is the perfect piece for Halloween!

  • Another warning: severe emotional whiplash. Nell stood at the window and watched what was left of her army limp home. The lust has left her drained and irritable. She clung to the irritation. She didn’t want to th […]

    • Not sure about the PG warning, LOL. I saw nothing. 😉 This was an excellent scene. These two after a battle with all the emotional and other complications – good they found a kind of something with each other before getting back to life – those black flags. Nice touch.
      I was wondering about the time jumpers bringing back bodies. Could they not just jump in a little earlier and bring back the soldier before he dies. I know this isn’t the story – just something I thought of. Time is a tricky beast.
      But great scene!

    • love in the aftermath of battle – exactly what I would hope for and exactly what you gave me! I love how Nell and Morgan have to work for their relationship, especially when they figure things out at allow themselves some steam! It was a great scene. Now, what is it Solon needs to tell them about Weapons?

    • Nina replied 3 days ago

      The first two paragraphs are powerful, but then I lose the sense of horror – possibly it’s the jumping back and forth which has an oddly cheerful feel to it. Maybe more sensory? The scene between Nell and Morgan is lovely, just enough so we know, and always the tension of role and duty. Michael’s thoughts on the time jumpers was interesting – and if it were true and Nell hadn’t caused it to be done,that would be a nice added failure. Certainly upped the ante here. On the edge of my seat now…

    • Hi, Mia-
      They say that death is something of an aphrodisiac. Survival of the species stuff, I guess. Glad that they got back together and truly bonded, even though the circumstances are regrettable.
      I think you could use some Oxford commas. But this sentence may have one too many commas: “We have to stop, Bonair.” 🙂
      I did not know that Orin had been definitely linked to the disaster. Or that we knew the scope of the disaster. The black banners are a nice detail, though.
      Morgan was wrong about everyone else’s lack of imagination. Looks like Solun, at least, sees it as a good thing.

  • Ties that Bind by SM Prasad

    Bernadine’s text frightened me.  I was the unfortunate cast-off in the middle of an investigation that seemed to have nothing to do with me.

     Whom was I supposed to trust? Was Al a p […]

    • Becky replied 5 days ago

      Nice twist, I didn’t see that coming! I was wondering what they were doing with Ms. Calabrese, maybe hiding out, but now I see what Bernadine was after! Lots of detailed nuggets here: the traitorous bottle of Merlot, the ice-cold grip on the back of her neck, olives in a kid’s lunchbox. The secret text code Jen and Bernadine have is pretty convenient–when you edit, maybe consider introducing that earlier in the story? Maybe they use it humorously at some point or mention it somehow. I’m ready for next week’s scene!

    • Another puzzle piece clicks into place! I can’t wait to learn how Bernadine made the connection and what else she’s discovered. Deft moves on her part to get Jen safe with her and helping to get info from Ms. C. You gave me a perfect picture of Ms. C’s house; I’ve been in houses just like that. I was unfamiliar with “the game of the Hunter” so I searched and all the hits were either about a video game or a mystery trilogy based in Massachusetts. Is it a common colloquialism on Long Island? I have a feeling some intense action is coming up and I can’t wait to read it.

      • Hi kathy,
        Did not mean to be so esoteric. I should have left it hunter. I was using it as a word for law enforcement as opposed to mafia. But now I want to check out the mystery trilogy that you referenced! I am definitely trying to work on the intense action…thanks so much for the support!!

    • Hi Becky,
      thanks for the suggestion. Long ago, many scenes (and months) ago, I mentioned the olives in the lunch, but yes, that’s too long ago and I agree, we should have that code much earlier as a joke. That is a great idea!! Thank you for that. Thanks so much for your comments. I’ve had a really crazy work day so I haven’t read stories yet today but looking forward to reading some tonight!!

    • Hi Sudha, all your scenes are great but I especially enjoyed reading this one. There was something about the vivid way you described Mrs Calabrese’s house and her wonderful frank and unteacherlike voice, that made this scene really brilliant and distinctive to read. Good on Bernardine to have dug the dirt on Manetta and for bringing Jen into the confidence so that they can patch up their friendship. The reference to the code words was also such a great way for you and Bernadine to remind us and Jen of how deep-rooted and close that friendship is. Congratulations on an awesome scene 😊

    • Another great scene. I was glad that Bernadine found a way to include Jen, even though she’s not supposed to tell her anything, at least Jen can feel included. Your descriptions of Mrs. C’s house was excellent, I could easily imagine myself in the room. I wonder what it smelled like, maybe pine sol, or lemon furniture polish, kitty litter, or stale whiskey? Some little reference would also go a long way in portraying Mrs. C’s character in addition to her whiskey drinking and her strong feelings against her husband. I loved the twist at the end, it finally made perfect sense why they were there – and while i was going to suggest you clue in Jen before hand, I think it works out better this way, so she doesn’t give away any clues about what she knows. Can’t wait to see what happens next!

    • I love the message with the childhood code. Quite lush Mrs Calabrese. Nice job tying in the captain and upping the intrigue.

    • This is such a vivid scene – what a character you’ve created in Mrs C. Apart from your ingenious pulling together of story strands that always surprise and work I couldn’t help wondering if at school Mrs C was prone to popping into the supply cupboard for a sly nip at her flask. Her flat was sad and claustrophobic- I imagined the heating turned up a little too much and the aroma of many previous ready made meals in the air. Fantastic plotting and Captain M is going to be caught out. Great .

  • They released her the following morning. Not as early as she would have wished. Much to her frustration, she waited and waited for a pimply doctor who looked like a schoolboy on work experience. She was not sure […]

    • Hi, Martin-
      Wow, what an ending. If that’s Laoise, I hope she’s okay.
      A couple of things. When you wrote, “But she need not have feared, for both items were both,” I hear Martin speaking, not Adele. Maybe something more like, “To her relief, both items were there.” And I think the final clause of, “but she was not sure of anything anymore, she felt,” could be omitted.
      Well, we’re literally unraveling the mystery at this point. Looking forward to next week!

  • As predicted, Brianna screamed.

    But the scream was carried off by the wind; it seemed nothing could penetrate the howl of Hurricane Isla. She backed toward the sliding the door, but Curtis wasn’t ready to run f […]

    • Hi, Georgiana. Sorry it has been so long since I have commented. I kept thinking I would get caught up, but never could do I just jumped into this weeks episode without knowing what has happened before. I like how you describe your characters. I can picture them in my mind. Liam’s hair plastered down. You do a nice job of setting the scene. Slight comment about Liam falling. The first mention of a railing put the idea of him falling in my head, so maybe readers don’t need a lot of explanation about the construction workers faulty repair job. Just a thought. Lets face it, we all wanted him to fall. HA When I have time I will go back and read your previous scenes. Great work on writing the suspense into this scene.

      • Thanks for jumping back in Sharon! I know it’s really hard to keep up, especially when we are doing more than one challenge. I’ve neglected my 12SS folks this year, wish i were reading more 52S ppl, and have big time fomo re flash. But I did the dialogue challenge and the three were just too much.

        Thanks for pointing out my rail obsession… some things i noted in earlier scenes made me need to ground a bit more. Also, i have a lot of scenes left and not sure how to wrap it all up!

    • Liam doesn’t deserve saving, no matter how kind hearted Brianna is! My word, Georgiana, this was excellent – It felt like I was out in that storm, being buffeted by the strength of the wind and the roar of the waves below. I could feel Liam’s thrill and excitement being outside in the storm, even as he unhinged further and further from sanity, as well as Brianna’s fear and anxiety. I loved the reference to the vampire horror movies, it evoked the right emotions and gave just the slightest bit of comic relief after such intense action/emotions. I’m surprised James slept through all that – he must truly be a deep sleeper. Well done on another excellent scene!

      • I agree, James is a sound sleeper….but he’s also still recovering and hurricanes are already so loud, it would be tough to hear anything over the storm. Assuming he was able to fall asleep in the first place, he’s exhausted and might not notice a change in the noise level Maybe?
        Thanks for sticking with me….it worries me when readers drop out as the action gets going! I don’t want to bore anyone!!

  • “A few times my mother said something about a survivor. Once, I heard my mother and father talking about a survivor from the plane crash. When I asked her about it she looked surprised, but thinking back I r […]

    • Hi, Carolyn. Somehow I totally missed that Ryan and Tessa were close in age and half siblings. And you say he, not Henry, may be the antagonist. Is Ryan looking for the mysterious money? Teddy’s habit of writing all over envelopes is interesting; I wonder what else Tessa is on the verge of learning and what Henry is worried about. Good job keeping the reader guessing, and thanks for having Tessa recoil from Ryan’s creepy touch.

      • Hello Kathy,
        Your comments really help me figure out where I (the writer) have gone off track with information to the reader (you!). Ryan is actually older, he was Josie’s friend. I want the reader to think that Ryan is Tessa’s father – a high school fling with Josie, but instead the baby-daddy will be Ryan’s father/Senator’s husbands – scandal!!
        Yep, your instinct was correct, Ryan should be creepy. haha.

        I am taking lots of notes for draft #2 – Thank you for reading! Enjoy the day, Carolyn

  • 2021 scene #41   EXECUTE    Launching into the Future by Sharon Hancock

    Sun shone into her little shelter bringing her out of a restful sleep.  The day was already warm. She looked around her and found her littl […]

    • Sharon, I liked the dust devil and was delighted that Pan had found Shelly. I love the lizard and Hope he makes a fun pet. I couldn’t help noticing some word repetition – four centres in one paragraph. There was a little confusion in point of view first Shelly, then Pan then some omniscient sections but all can be sorted in draft two and I really enjoy reading about Shelly and Pan. I hope they don’t land somewhere unexpectedly but imagine you are considering this .

      • Thanks, Julie. I always appreciate your input. I am touring through the New England states this week, so I was rushed and my lack of editing shows. I had planned to take them home, but now you have me thinking. Hope I can get all my ideas crammed into 11 more scenes. Thanks for following Pan and Shelly’s adventure.

    • Hurray! If this relo goes as planned, you must have something up your sleeve for 11 more scenes! Love that Shelly took Mr Lizard with her and that she and Pan will reconnect with new respect for each other.
      Great scene, Sharon.

      • Thanks, Georgiana. I bet you thought they would never reconnect didn’t you? I do have something my sleeve. I am on vacation now so getting my scene done on the road is tough. Thanks for the encouragement. Not looking forward to giving these characters up in 11 weeks. Maybe I will write a sequel.

  • Nature splashes the sky with streaks of purple and periwinkle, portending or presenting the morn. After the first gulp of coffee, I slip onto a chair by a picture window, slurping with pleasure, surveying the […]

  • Welcome

    Hold my hand

    Join my journey

    Embrace emotions

    Step into sensuousness

    With me


    Lower your lids

    Touch each texture

    Apperceive aromas

    Play and probe

    Come along


    Sniff and […]

    • Well done. I once thought jasmine until I walked out spring morning into the fragrance of a tangerine tree in bloom.

    • I could hear this as a TV commercial! The only word that caught me up was ‘snuff’ which in urban slang is to kill (or at least in the old meaning to extinguish like a candle) hmm… intended or not?

    • Hello C
      I like all the alliteration in the poem. But I’m not sure my brain definitely found the satire. Perhaps it is in the resemblance to an over-the-top perfume ad. Thanks for sharing.

    • Great alliteration, and the short lines make the poem punchy. I too could hear this as a tv or radio ad.

      I do wonder if there is a hidden message though. Is Jasmine poisonous – the use of courage? Another 13 – unlucky number? I get a feeling of murder here and you might not want to go with. I could be way off track, but there is a suspicious undertone – or I’ve been watching too many cop shows.

      Thanks for sharing.

  • I saw my love the other dayUpon a breeze so fairThe golden curls, she wore them wellDark braid twists in her hairMy first and last love, so you knowIs lost now to anotherStiletto cold beside my thighHe’ll no m […]

    • A chilling tale of revenge. Wasn’t quite sure if he’s done the deed or looking forward to it and his feelings after, but I thought your measured rhyme had something of an earlier age about it. The thirst for revenge, sadly, is timeless.

    • Ooooh you’ve outdone yourself. the bouncy meter with the dark content, the powerful emotion, that gleaming blade and the dark heart. Loved the last line.

      • Hi Nina

        Thank you for reading my poem. I changed the last line at the last minute. ‘Other’ seemed a bit boring and ‘brother’ seemed to add another dimension!


    • Hi Cathy.

      Thank you for reading and commenting – I appreciate it. Yes, I agree, the lilt is sort of Far from the Madding Crowd – at least that’s where it was coming from. Good spot!


    • Hello Martin,
      A really horrible tale of revenge made into a lyrical poem. Please remind me not to ‘cross’ the poet. The contrast of the lightness of ‘time skips by’ with the darkness of ‘she’s grown into a meadow wild’ is quite breathtaking.

    • Hi, Martin-
      Yes, I kind of doubt she’ll join him in the meadow after he stabbed her to death. Murder rarely rounds out anyone’s life. Nice insight into a twisted way of thinking.

  • mist fog quieted
    days daze drift
    sands slow fast
    slip past
    desire an other
    receiving another
    with unbidden bother
    and patience death courted

    • I dont know whst any of this means but I love the juxtaposition of words that create such intrigue and contrast and whimsy!
      Wonderful !
      Days daze drift …its sublime . ❤
      This will warrant a few read thru’s for sure!

      • Ah you lucky person you! So the shape was intended to be a bit of a giveaway, an hour glass, as was the title — October, the year is almost up, Mourning — feeling of loss, the top part of course the remaining year/life slipping through in a mist of same days, the bottom I was trying to play with the prompt — an other is something different whereas another is more of the same, in the end death waits — old age is merely the slowest way to die.

        • 😁 you’ve gone deep Teresa !!!
          yes the hourglass is obvious . I didnt get the ‘autumn’ of one’s life – waiting to die – how bleak. but also how true.
          I’d rather die in an accident – quick, relatively young , with not an inkling of what the hell just happened.
          and yes!!! how did it suddenly become Oct – and next week Nov !! I feel very unprepared for next year…

    • I like the shape of this poem – like an hourglass. I’m assuming this was intentional and the poem relates to the passage of time. I love the ‘sands slow fast’ image, it creates an image for me of time passing slowly and the image is on fast-forward as time speeds up. Very evocative. Well done.

      • Yes June you are correct, the hourglass was intended as the primary metaphor and one of the reasons why the top part was smaller than the bottom (sands are running out). There’s a bit more I was obliquely hinting at, you can see it in my reply to Kim. Thanks for picking up on it.

    • I love visual poems and your hourglass is so clever. You’ve included lots of surprises in a small space. The first two lines are slow and dreamy, “sands slow fast/slip past/” …. the word “shift” is the crux in my understanding – the halfway point, and then the sand falls out fast without anything to stop it. The last four lines seem someone’s personal story. One could suppose it talks about the second half of a lifetime. Thank you for stimulating my imagination.

      • Ah Pam you are the most perceptive of all. Yes I wax a bit philosophical at the end, where you want something different but just get the crashing sameness (our pandemic era) . You can read my replies to other comments for yet more bits that went into this one.

    • Hello Teresa,
      Clever use of the hour glass shape! Like Kim, I found this quite difficult to ‘unpack’ but admire your use of words. Thanks for sharing it.

      • Hello Christian, I confess to being deliberately obscure on this one, but yes you got the hour glass, the sands less at the top than the bottom, and how the days slip quiet quickly into the pit of the past where desire for the new is met with the sameness and nothing but death at the bottom.

    • The visual is so perfectly chosen, Teresa – and your use of alliteration fits this perfectly. A really heartfelt reminder that time slips away until suddenly – it’s gone. I’m all too familiar with this – far too recently – and you have captured this wonderfully, together with the change in seasons. I particularly LOVED your masterful use of ‘an other’ and ‘another’. This is a super piece.

    • Wow. Such vivid imagery, and a sharp tug at the heart. I like the form of the poem, and I think it adds to the forcefulness of the piece.

  • [Note: this scene immediately follows scene 35 chronologically…where Kate found out Pierre’s involvement in the tanks mystery.]

    Kate continued finning underwater towards the endless blue ahead, putting all her […]

    • Hi Ben, I admire your skill at managing the reader’s emotions. Kate goes on quite a roller-coaster ride here and skillfully, you take the reader along. At first, we are scared, together with Kate, that there might be sharks, and then elated to see the dolphins. With Pierre, It’s just like that: he starts out as a grumpy guy, then Kate falls in love with him, now she hates him. I just wonder, will you turn Kates emotions once again? Of course, we all hope so…

      • Hi Susanne, thank you so much. I think she’s trying hard to hate him…maybe a little too hard to be convincing, me thinks 😉

    • Oooh nice barb at the end. Really smart way to go. Lets Kate have her edge and lets Pierre know she knows something and lets us know we’re in for some serious drama. You did some serious dream weaving in that dolphin scene, actually all the underwater time was spectacular. Still rooting for Pierre.

      • Thank you, Nina. Thank you so, so much for the read, the encouragement and for not giving up on Pierre 🙂

    • Hi Bene, The opening is fraught and you capture that anger pushing out of Kate in the water (I did stop and check myself when you switched to a different view point (to the surface) in the second par – minor thing but wondered if she could simply look up and visualise that under surface perspective which can be so magical, or revealing? I too loved the dolphin scene – as a bodysurfer here, often have amazing experiences with them in, around and even on the waves (they scare the hell out of me at times – you forget how big and powerful they are). You captured the magic and the movement so well – I was intrigued by the sounds – guess I don’t hear them in the moving water. Again I did wonder if you needed ‘chase the image of circling sharks’ – because in one line you’ve already given us this unnerving sense. Just a thought. The rest of the scene just rolls along – and yes I agree, perhaps Kate needs to ease back her inner anger towards Pierre…maybe she just keeps up the appearance while she resolves the mystery? Great job as always.

      • Hi Adam, thank you for the read and for taking the time to give me all this great feedback, I really appreciate it. First of all, can I say how jealous I am that you get to go bodysurfing? It’s several hours drive for us to get to the nearest beach where the waves are good enough to do so and with the travel restrictions, accommodation costs there have sky-rocketed beyond our budget. Can you catch a wave for me please, next time you’re out? 🙂
        Now for the story, I was surprised to read your comment about the point of view change as the whole story is written from Kate’s perspective so in my mind I was describing what she was seeing from underwater but after a re-read, I now see what you mean. I will have to tweak that as it’s such a magical sight, I really want to make sure I get it right.
        Good catch about the circling sharks – I Benexplained again, didn’t I? 😉
        As for Kate, she’s just lashing out. She’s hurt, I hope she will calm down….but who knows with these characters!
        Thank you so much. I have to rush to work but I look forward to reading your scene tonight 🙂

        • Yeah the pov was a minor thing. No biggie. The explaining – yeah, you got this! The bodysurfing – pics sents, plans afoot for a Bene wave when the rain sets – swell coming on Sunday. Take care

    • Another great scene, Ben! I just love your descriptions of the ocean and the way Kate uses her time there to let go of her emotions if only for a short time. I loved the tension you created with the idea there might be sharks, and then to discover the dolphin was wonderful, you captured Kate’s enjoyment of the dolphin’s antics so well, along with her disappointment when it left to join its pod.
      I also thought you did a great job portraying the range of emotions Kate experiences during this scene, her desire to avoid Pierre and her anger and disappointment is palpable and justified. I’m still hoping Pierre has a reasonable explanation for his actions and that it’s one Kate can accept, assuming she cools down long enough to hear him out 🙂
      Great work, Ben – can’t believe there’s only 10 more weeks to go!

      • Thank you so much, Peggy. I started this year’s challenge knowing my descriptions were my Achilles heel so reading that you enjoy them means an awful lot and is really encouraging me to feel that I am making progress. Thank you so so much for that.
        I know, I can’t believe there’s only 10 weeks to go either but what a 10 weeks it’s going to be for our stories and us as writers! I am both totally terrified and excited in equal measure 😊 xx

    • Hi Ben,
      That underwater scene was remarkable. I was so envious in that I would love to play with a dolphin that way. Kate was sad to see the dolphin go, but at the same time, happy that the dolphin belonged to a pod. Perhaps some foreshadowing that Kate can’t be on her own either? Kate’s personality is very specific to a certain type of person who gets angry first and asks questions later. She feels justified based on what she’s overheard and she’s not the type of person to consider a possible alternative explanation. Although I feel bad for Pierre, the truth is that his grumpiness was something that she bore with before he softened up and hopefully he realizes that and will give her some room instead of being upset with her.
      The parting shot was great and it threw the ball in his court quite well.
      Really great scene!

      • Hi Sudha, thank you so so much for these awesome comments. I feel so lucky that you’re sticking with my story and so grateful for the encouraging comments. Kate does have serious trusts issues (not surprising given her experiences) but somehow I’m going to have to make her face these. I just need to work out how to weave that into the plot line…eek. 🙂

    • Hi Ben, this was well done. I felt like I was with Kate in her emotions, and also with the dolphin–I like how you toyed with us first, letting us think it might be shark. Great descriptions and detail throughout this scene. I appreciate that she didn’t avoid Pierre, but let him know she was frustrated. I think and hope Pierre has an explanation that Kate will be able to accept, but she also has good reason to be upset with him. Let’s not forget that he has reason to be upset with her, too.

      • Hi Becky, thank you so much. You’re so right, in her anger and hurt, she’s forgetting he has a reason to be upset with her too… he just doesn’t know it yet 🤣

    • Deryn replied 4 days ago

      Hi Ben – such rich descriptions – I think I have said before I am too scared to dive or snorkel and so can do it vicariously via your scenes . I would LOVE to swim with dolphins so I was v jealous of that bit! I’m glad Pierre at least got why Kate is angry with him…and that rumble on the ocean floor couldn’t have been a few tanks ful of ??? being dumped could it, by any chance??!! You are certainly keeping us on the edge of our seats…

      • Hi Deryn, thank you for the read. In scene 35, Kate overheard Pierre and Matt transferring the tanks to Danny’s boat, along with the reason why she was given the job, which is why she’s pretty mad at all three of them. Not tanks being dumped, although if my planned ending doesn’t work, it’s not a bad idea 😉

  • CHAPTER 44I was now more wide awake than ever and straining to hear any sound from outside. The footsteps slowed, walked past and faded away.It must have been Fred. Dependable, conscientious Mr Harley Davidson. […]

    • Hi Elaine! Highly enjoyable scene – again. Although it poses more questions than it answers. I wonder who the violent stranger was. How clever of the enemy to use the recording to lure John out and how “Boy’s Own”! Now they’ve captured him, maybe they can get him to talk…
      I think there’s one ‘now’ too many in your opening sentence. Also “Honestly, how pathetic I could be?” needs your attention.
      I also have a question: I noticed you always have John talk about ‘the Uncle’ and ‘the Aunt’. I wonder why. As a non-native speaker I would say “my uncle” or “my aunt” or “Uncle This” and “Aunt That”. Would you mind explaining?

      • Eva- Maria! Whoohoo, love reading your weekly comments! Yes, you’re right about ‘now’. Will fix that. And the pathetic line.
        To answer your question about the Uncle and the Aunt. All my maternal aunts and uncles and paternal uncles died a while ago. I only have one paternal aunt left, so we refer to her as ‘the Aunt’. She’s also quite a forceful character. It’s a family habit.

    • GOSH, how many more physical injuries can John take? I imagine if this was a movie, he’d be all purple and bruised, a splint here, a bandage there. So, did they catch his mystery assailant? Wasn’t sure but I guess we’ll find out in the next scene? I wonder if we might benefit from John’s point of view and all the physical injuries he’s had so far (didn’t he have a hole in hand, too?) I’d have given up a lot sooner if it were me — his fortitude is amazing. Perhaps have him waver just a teeny tiny bit? Other than that, I loved it.

      • Hi Monica, Apparently holes in hands heal fairly quickly depending on how they’re made. Small saplings would heal quicker than a knife for example. According to the doctor I checked it with. I plead first draft for excessive abuse. Lol. I need to draw up a timeline and see exactly how the days work out for his injuries. In the early chapters I mentioned how he was an outdoorsman (camping, canoeing, running, wildlife photography etc) in the hopes of trying to give him some of that fortitude you mentioned. I thought I had had scenes of him internally bitching and complaining, but perhaps not, or perhaps not enough? Something else I’ll have to check once the first draft is done. His fortitude is important for the last 2 chapters of the book which I wrote last night. Yes, I’ve jumped ahead. I needed to know the ending so I could write the intervening chapters. Don’t worry I won’t post out of sequence. Thanks so much for reading and commenting!

      • Hi Monica, Yes, they did catch the mystery assailant, he’s currently in the cellar:
        Between the two of them, Fred and the chauffeur soon had the man immobile. It didn’t stop him from struggling against them. That is until the gardener – Alfred? No, Alfred was the dog – lifting a shotgun to within two inches of his face said, “That’s enough. We don’t want to wake the neighbours.”
        The bastard stilled when he cocked the gun.
        “Bring him inside, gentlemen. The cellar, I think.” Mr Pritchard, who had followed in the chauffeur’s wake, turned to me. “Are you alright?”

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Marilyn Weisman

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Active 18 hours, 13 minutes ago
Short Story : 10
Poetry : 0
WTC : 19
52 Scenes : 41
Dialogue : 0
Flash Fiction : 0