• Oh! My! Gosh!! NOOOOO…..
    Of course I should have realized one couldn’t trust Liam!
    No meds, drunk, excited beyond his wildest dreams and in a house, stranded with Brianna.
    What could possibly go wrong?
    The scene is definitely charged with electricity, both from the weather and the characters!

  • These two characters are always fun to read about.
    They have a light hearted look towards life, no matter what sort of situation they get involved with.
    Manneta would be one I wouldn’t mind seeing getting his comeuppance.
    Am I forgetting or where is their daughter?

  • Good scene.
    At least it gives Kate a come back to Pierre, should he pop off about her previous relationship with Matt.
    What is in those tanks? And why are they floating around on the boat?
    Guess I’ve got to wait and see?

  • I really enjoyed ‘catching up’ with the characters who were more or less in the background of the story, but who did add a lot of substance to the story.

  • I love that Tessa is gradually gaining knowledge about what basically is her own life.
    I’m wondering about the conflict the truth has with her own reality.
    At what age does she start remembering things? Do any of them conflict with the stories she’s hearing?
    Does the man who she saw at the memorial catch up with her?
    Is he her father?
    So…[Read more]

  • Having survived Super Storm Sandy, here in NJ….your prep instructions sounded pretty accurate.
    I think the tension inside the house rivals the sounds of the storm.
    Have they given it a name?
    Do they have a generator?
    How about they tie Liam to the raft and toss him out the door?

  • Donuts from a vending machine? UGH! But quite interestingly appropriate for Gary.
    What a scum he really is.
    Quite a good scene giving insight into his personality and perhaps the basis on which candidates are chosen.
    Explains a lot these days.
    Looking forward to catching up with my reading.

  • I continue to love your descriptions of the dive life.
    It would seem being a guide like Kate would be your ideal job….??
    All the emotions buried in this scene will certainly be surfacing soon.
    Fireworks anyone?

  • Look into the Abyss long enough and the Abyss looks back into you…..or something along those lines.
    The drastic change in Melanie popping out as it suddenly does is startling; however, I think she had been nurturing this for quite a while.
    How much abuse, neglect and put downs could she take before something snapped in her?
    Looking forward to…[Read more]

  • Somehow I had a feeling about this.
    I agree with the other readers who commented….Leave the bum outside.
    He deserves it. But, how could they live with themselves if he died?
    I have a feeling they will regret that decision, but I’m going to have to wait and see!

  • What an amazing scene! While it needs work t o tie it all in, the ideas you have brought to light add greatly to the intrigue, which already is sky high. (Pardon the pun).
    The list Tessa was working on, starting off with what was known and ending with what her mother missed in her life was a poignant touch, and coming as it does right before…[Read more]

  • I am glad to be reading that Nancy decided to dump Ken. He did not seem to be as nice as she is and she deserves better.
    I loved the mention of the plastic slip covers (which were all the rage when I was growing up….still remember the feel and sound of trying to extract one’s leg, especially on warm sticky days). And I was glad to see Jen was…[Read more]

  • As Suze approached the steps of the funeral home, she felt herself withdrawing from the scene; her classic way of dealing with anxiety.   The psychologist called it Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, a neatly c […]

    • This was a great story. Told from Suze’s point of view as someone who is anxious and suffering from PTSD, you did a good job of making me wonder what was real and what wasn’t at Dolly’s funeral – were the lights and music truly too much or was it just her perspective? And the musician following her at the funeral and then showing up at the bodega added a nice frisson of tension to the story.
      The ending leaves it a bit up in the air – I know we are supposed to suspect the musician, but I can’t help but wonder if Al could actually have been the culprit…
      Loved the story. Thank you for sharing!

    • Hi Marilyn, agree with all of Lenore’s comments. This story was great but left a lot up to the reader to interpret. Like Lenore said, wondering if things were too loud or too bright or just like that for Suze. Then wondering if the musician was sinister at all, or just her PTSD mind playing tricks on her. However, the blue rose on her placemat is a bit hard to ignore. Was it put there by Al – or is a warning from a dead Dolly…. Mmmm, lots of questions. A great story. Thanks for sharing.

      One small typo to be fixed:
      He took a good luck at her and said, – look at her

    • Hi Marilyn. I thought you made a great job of portraying someone very traumatised, using all those sensory prompts of colour, sound, light, touch etc although of course we don’t find out what caused her anxiety/PTSD in the first place. I thought the tension built very convincingly around the musician, but I felt a little cheated that it didn’t quite deliver a conclusion. In fact I felt a bit sorry for the musician in the end, since it appears he was just being friendly. There’s a thing, isn’t there, about if you introduce a gun into a story you better make sure it gets fired – both the reference to losing money on horses and the blue rose seem to be this sort of thing – one expects them to have a significance and I couldn’t make it fit with anything. However, your writing is excellent, the story flowed well and the characterisation was spot on. Maybe there’s a chapter 2 to move it on a bit – with more red herrings and a dastardly villain…?

    • Marilyn,
      The creepy continues! That blue rose has me stumped….i’m sure that Al is supposed to be the culprit, but that musician is going to give even me nightmares!
      Could Suze please add a dog to the family!??

      love the atmosphere and your writing is always fab.
      G

  • “You know, sitting here is pointless, Gary.  If we can’t see Liz, we might as well leave and do something more productive,” said Katie.

    Gary looked around the hospital waiting room, nodded and went over to the ch […]

    • Hi Marilyn
      Enricho – is he honest and open or is he dark dark dark underneath that nice exterior??? I’ve been following this story so long I’ve become suspicious of everyone!
      Quite a busy scene (good), lots of everyday detail going on and a few other threads emerging. Whose are the prints? Made me sit and consider the likely suspects, can’t wait til next week!
      One thing – I was surprised when David Parente was mentioned. His death was pivotal to kicking the whole story off but we’ve not heard much about him for a long time. Would it be an idea to refer back to him every so often? Just a thought.
      Good going, Marilyn, nearly there……

      • Thanks, Anne, for your ongoing interest in my story.
        Enricho….he is a bit of both worlds. Entrenched in some bad-bad from his home in Mexico, but when it comes to Maria, ah, well, love triumphs over all. Parente’s killing will have to rise to the top of the cream again before the end.

    • Hi Marilyn,
      A lot of catch up and review, which was very good. LIke Anne, I can’t figure out whether Enricho is trustworthy or not. Also, I didn’t remember what Gerald did for Tomi, perhaps you can remind me.
      The fingerprints found in the house are intriguing and hopefully a clue to who terrorized Liz.
      James certainly has a history in the town and you showed that well by the reactions of Gary and Katie.
      Important scene!

      • Thanks, Sudra! Gerald was one of two former addicts that were in Pastor Henley’s recovery group and Tomi hired them for general work at the diner. He was the one who found Tomi when she had been incapacitated by someone at the farm where Barnum and Bailey were kept for awhile. He may play more of a part toward the end. Thank you for reading and commenting!

    • “Got a match to the fingerprint from in the house.” GRRRRRRR! WE WANT ANSWERS YOUNG LADY!

      Now that i’ve got that out of my system…obviously you are doing a great job of keeping the suspense up and me on the edge of my seat. Add and enraged Enricho and all those cats wandering the streets….oh! Tomi needs to employ B & B to help find the cats! I bet they already know where they are!!

      Seriously….great scene Marilyn. Glad I don’t have to wait too long for the next one!
      G

      • Thank you, Georgiana! I was sitting here actually PLOTTING the remainder of my story (a first for me!!) but I had totally forgotten the poor kitty kats!! You reminded me that they need to be found….I’m thinking Ash? I think I would have benefitted from Mia’s upcoming Pacing Class earlier, but, hey…there’s always the next novel, right?

    • Hi Marilyn, great job leaving us in suspense with the fingerprints, you’ve got us hooked and dying to find out 🙂

  • Masks cover a whole lot.  Today’s culture of medical safety encourages people to wear masks, especially when indoors.  Official buildings, schools, government offices, and, yes, doctors’ offices and hospi […]

  • Actually 13 scenes. You almost made me choke on my coffee! LOL
    I have a direction I’m heading….I keep reminding myself that I still have the second chance with the editing.
    There was a mention of James earlier….he was a ‘dirty cop’ and he had left Liz awhile ago. I hinted that maybe he learned about her relationship with Lawrence…[Read more]

  • “Do I call or do I want a face to face with Enricho?  What am I thinking?  Of course I want a face to face.”

    Tomi picked up her keys and locked the house door, jumped into her Jeep, and took off for the Diner […]

    • Marilyn… nice to get more info on these three… might you be thinking of dropping some of it in earlier? Everyone in this book wants to be an investigator! Hoping Enricho has the power to make his commitment to help Maria worthwhile!

      and Phoenix seems to fit her name…. 🙂
      we only have ten scenes left!!
      G

      • Actually 13 scenes. You almost made me choke on my coffee! LOL
        I have a direction I’m heading….I keep reminding myself that I still have the second chance with the editing.
        There was a mention of James earlier….he was a ‘dirty cop’ and he had left Liz awhile ago. I hinted that maybe he learned about her relationship with Lawrence (Phoenix’s dad) and it might be a recent connection. There was some mention of Enricho having ‘connections’. And Gerald has possibilities, too. This was my ‘disclosure’ scene. Now….what comes next??????

    • HI Marilyn,
      I guessed I missed your last scene but now I’m caught up. So much drama and action and the mysteries are coming to a head. We get to see who James is and you left it ambiguous enough for us to decide whether or not he cares about her or is just acting as he does. For Enricho, I didn’t remember that he cares particularly about Maria, but you’ve elicited a motive now from him. I don’t remember much about Gerald, so it’s good that you brought him back, and of course, that might be for reasons to suspect him. You’re doing a good job with swirling the suspects in front of us.

    • Hi Marilyn
      Lots to chew on in this scene, I like it.
      I found this para a bit confusing:
      “If you were to know, or became aware of a danger or real anxiety surrounding her, even more so if it came from something, an action you had taken, strictly to help her, how would you feel? What would you want to do?”
      I feel it could benefit from being chopped into a few sentences, I read it a couple of times before I gathered up the implications of it.
      James is an interesting addition to the story, as is Gerald. I suspect there may be a twist or two with one or both of them and am really looking forward to seeing where they end up!

      • You are perceptive, Anne. Both James and Gerald will play a bit more toward the end.
        I just today sat down to ‘PLOT’ the rest of the chapters.
        It’s so close and yet so far away, I felt I needed to write it down to make some sense of it.
        I agree, that sentence is a bit wobbly and long. Editing should be fun!!

    • Hi Marilyn, this is another great scene. I really enjoyed the conversation between Ray and James and the revelations about Phoenix. Ray’s voice especially is very strong. Sorry, I don’t have anything to offer in terms of improvements, your story is gripping and I can’t wait to see how it unfolds. Unfortunately, I have to rush to work now but I’m looking forward to catching up on the other scenes later on tonight 🙂

      • Thank you, Ben! I totally understand how life gets in the way of writing sometimes! LOL
        But I do appreciate your following along and your kind remarks.

  • Loved the story.
    Yes, all too often, in school and in life, people expect everyone to fit in the round hole.
    But there are the brilliant square pegs who unfortunately can slip through the cracks.
    I liked the way you addressed it with the conversation and the pointed reason for the conversation which emerged at the end.

  • Love the story.
    And the smooth way she learned that not only did she inherit 2000 Gnomes, but also the ten acres, house, barn, etc on which they were situated.
    I agree with one of the earlier comments….this could turn into quite a story….giving all the Gnomes personalities and quirks.
    Just an idea….

  • Sad story, but bookended as it was, was effectual.
    No guess till the end what the inheritance was.
    Probably, all too often, a reflection of what goes on in homes affected by mental illness.

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Marilyn Weisman

Profile picture of Marilyn Weisman

@marilyn-weisman

Active 18 hours, 21 minutes ago
Short Story : 10
Poetry : 0
WTC : 19
52 Scenes : 41
Dialogue : 0
Flash Fiction : 0