• Hi Amrita,
    I really loved this. Your story is really developing. We are getting to know more about the characters. I worry for Lisa. It appears that Tahir is in a dark place now. I have no idea how you are going to continue it, but I do want to know more. Thanks for a great read.

  • Thank you, Amrita. I really appreciate your kind comments and for taking the time to read my piece. I’m glad you find the series interesting. It is very much a work in progress.

  • Hi Jane,
    So glad you enjoyed this piece for this month’s prompt. In answer to your question – in a previous part (‘Conspiracy?’), Vitora was named as the next leader of their race. His mother, who is the current leader makes reference to the fact that normally it would be the female of their race who would be next in line. By inference then…[Read more]

  • Hi Ruth,
    You made me chuckle at the end. Like Susan, I didn’t appreciate who Mrs Edwards was until I finished reading it, and then it all made sense (especially the smell!). One of the areas that I have difficulty in writing is humour. This story was priceless. You, evidently have the knack. Very descriptive with the dialogue moving it along. It…[Read more]

  • Hi Jane,
    So glad you enjoyed this piece for this month’s prompt. In answer to your question – in a previous part (‘Conspiracy?’), Vitora was named as the next leader of their race. His mother, who is the current leader makes reference to the fact that normally it would be the female of their race who would be next in line. By inference then…[Read more]

  • Show and tell is a real issue for me as well, which is probably why I noticed😃. Enjoy your busyness x

  • Hi Barbara,
    I’m so glad you enjoyed this part of the story and thrilled with your comments. Thanks for taking the time to read my story.

  • Maria Kinnersley
    Thank you, Ruth, for reading my piece and for your kind comments. I’m never very sure whether I’m getting the tone right and I’m so glad it hit the spot. Thank you again x (Oops, sorry. I’ve put that in as a normal comment as well).

    31 seconds ago Edit

  • Thank you, Ruth, for reading my piece and for your kind comments. I’m never very sure whether I’m getting the tone right and I’m so glad it hit the spot. Thank you again x

  • Hi Zainab M. M,
    This was a really powerful story, thoughtfully written. You are evidently a compassionate woman wishing for the best in others. The only comment I would make is that I would have preferred the meanings etc. of the names to be at the start of your work. It would have made them easier to refer to. Thank you for a piece that made me…[Read more]

  • Hi Susan,
    Loved the last line. It was very clever. It does beg the question of whether you knew you were going to end it like that and built the story around it? That’s something I tend to do a lot, although it does make things more difficult at times. However, we’re talking about you, not my ramblings. Great story. The dialogue flowed and I…[Read more]

  • Hi Barbara,
    Well what can I say. A brilliant story. Imaginitive, descriptive with excellent dialogue. And with little mystery bits as well (the jerking forward – just great!). It was a whole new future world with just enough for my own imagination to wander in it. Thank you for an excellent read.

  • Hi Jane,
    I enjoyed this next installment. The orange oddities are proving to be special indeed. You have great imagination. I loved the various twists and turns of the story. And, of course, I want to know what happens next. The only thing I will mention is a sentence which I think is dialogue, but is without speech marks, starting ‘Maz and…[Read more]

  • The Waiting Game

    Andy drummed his heels against the side of his bunk. His face was blank, his mind elsewhere. He was immersed in thought. When would he be debriefed? Would he get back to work soon? Why was he […]

    • Ooooooo – great chapter. Love the cliffhanger at the end. I really enjoyed the MC’s confusion of what was dream, what wasn’t. I liked the detail of the alien’s touch allowing Andy to understand the language – this always annoys me when it’s not explained lol I thought the short paragraphs really gave your story pace and kept it moving along nicely. There were lots of nice touches throughout – lots of ‘little’ questions, for instance, wondering why the Commander was angry …
      This story gripped me from the beginning. Nice, easy flow. Well done x

      • Maria Kinnersley
        Thank you, Ruth, for reading my piece and for your kind comments. I’m never very sure whether I’m getting the tone right and I’m so glad it hit the spot. Thank you again x (Oops, sorry. I’ve put that in as a normal comment as well).

        31 seconds ago Edit

    • Very clever – I now see how you’re pulling threads together with Andy’s childhood alien experience. You made me jump when Stellala gave that sharp response about knowing where it was, too. A particularly well-written chapter, I think, pacey and vivid. And as always you left the little taster to make us want the next chapter! Good job! Keep it up!

      • Hi Barbara,
        I’m so glad you enjoyed this part of the story and thrilled with your comments. Thanks for taking the time to read my story.

    • Thank you, Ruth, for reading my piece and for your kind comments. I’m never very sure whether I’m getting the tone right and I’m so glad it hit the spot. Thank you again x

    • I’m with your previous reviewers Maria – this story fairly zips along, answering some questions, offering backstory etc while opening up other bits to ponder, like why on earth/moon is the Commander so grumpy with Andy? My only observation would be that when you move from the all-seeing third-person narrator to describe Andy’s internal thoughts, you probably don’t need to add in ‘he thought’ , ‘he wondered’ and ‘Andy thought’ because we are already getting the sense of that from the way you have written in his register (free indirect speech). This chapter has great pace and interest and a terrific cliffhanger. I really enjoyed it.

    • Hi Maria, I really enjoyed this instalment. You have mentioned my imagination with my story, yours is amazing. I loved the flick back to his childhood and the vivid dream that now appears to have been real. It does explain his ease with the alien form and his ability to translate their language. I do fear that he may not be going home, the angry commander has made me wonder what they have in store for him. I like the secret blue item and wonder if it is a coded message of some kind for Vitora.
      I have one small question: you refer to Stellala as it or the being, but Vitora is referred to as ‘he’. So are you trying to make the beings sexless? If so why is Vitora he? Just a question.
      Thanks for sharing another awesome story:) Can’t wait for next month.

      • Hi Jane,
        So glad you enjoyed this piece for this month’s prompt. In answer to your question – in a previous part (‘Conspiracy?’), Vitora was named as the next leader of their race. His mother, who is the current leader makes reference to the fact that normally it would be the female of their race who would be next in line. By inference then Vitora is male. I was trying in this part to look at it from Andy’s point of view, as he would not see what sex the alien he was talking to was. I can see that that might have been confusing. I’m still working on developing this alien (it’s not easy) and gender is one of the aspects which I need to develop. Thank you for keeping with this series and for taking the time to read it. It is much appreciated and encouraging.

    • Hi Jane,
      So glad you enjoyed this piece for this month’s prompt. In answer to your question – in a previous part (‘Conspiracy?’), Vitora was named as the next leader of their race. His mother, who is the current leader makes reference to the fact that normally it would be the female of their race who would be next in line. By inference then Vitora is male. I was trying in this part to look at it from Andy’s point of view, as he would not see what sex the alien he was talking to was. I can see that that might have been confusing. I’m still working on developing this alien (it’s not easy) and gender is one of the aspects which I need to develop. Thank you for keeping with this series and for taking the time to read it. It is much appreciated and encouraging.

    • Hi Maria,
      I am hooked, I admit. Your sci-fi adventure is getting really interesting. A lot has been brought to light with this installment. Why Andy was chosen and all the backstory ties the tale together. I hope though that his team on Earth are not planning something nefarious behind his back. Secret missions often end up in multiple casualties, don’t they? Looking forward to the next installment. Thank you for sharing!

      • Thank you, Amrita. I really appreciate your kind comments and for taking the time to read my piece. I’m glad you find the series interesting. It is very much a work in progress.

  • Hi Bogdana,
    I loved this. It’s my kind of genre. Very imaginative. A lot of thought has gone into the plot. It feels very original. What lets it down a bit, as others have said, are the little grammatical errors that can be seen. I know it’s difficult (I have this problem myself), but it would pay you dividends if you spent some time before you…[Read more]

  • Hi Bogdana,
    This was a great story. I won’t harp on about the dialogue punctuation/ spelling errors as they have already been mentioned. It was beautifully descriptive. If I was to give o word to it , that would be BIG. It’s a grand story with the different actions on the environment anf the people. I loved it. Thank you for such a majestic read.

  • Hi Bogdana,
    I much appreciate your kind comments on my little science fiction piece. It is very much a work in progress. I’m slowly developing my alien character. He’s an interesting character and I’m beginning to like him:-) Hopefully, he will continue to interest you. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment.

  • Hi Bogdana,
    I enjoyed this. There were some beautifully descriptive sentences. I could feel the oppressive atmosphere on the train contrasting with the beauty outside. I did get the ending and her freedom as a bird. Clever😎. Thank you for an impressive read.

  • Thank you Bogdana for taking the time to read and comment on my story. I do appreciate it.

  • Yes, we’re all fine, thank you.

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Maria Kinnersley

Profile picture of Maria Kinnersley

@marialynch

Active 3 hours, 36 minutes ago
Short Story : 10
Poetry : 0
WTC : 5
52 Scenes : 0
Dialogue : 0
Flash Fiction : 0