Hi Maria,
This is a good continuation of your story. But you are right, it does need quite a bit of work. I have a few suggestions below, please ignore if you do not agree.
My other suggestion is that there are quite a few commas needed as well. I did not have time to edit all of those. But I would suggest you read it again out loud and see where you think you need a pause. There is some great bones in this story:) So I hope you continue with it.

The shouting from the receiver in his helmet had stopped the moment he had stepped aboard the craft, but his ears still rang from the volume.
I would remove the two had’s in this sentence…. The shouting from the receiver in his helmet stopped the moment he stepped aboard the craft…

They continued to walk through this vast ship, walking through corridors and across monitoring stations at a speed that he was not able to pause and study the equipment or creatures operating them. – this sentence doesn’t read quite right, maybe something like this – They continued across the vast ship, moving through corridors and monitoring stations at such a speed, that he was unable to study any of the equipment or the creatures.

With that, they turned back and the way they had come leaving Andy hovering uncertainly outside the door. – remove the and

It was sat on a chair which looked more like a throne and although it was sitting down, – It sat on a chair, which looked…

With a gesture of its flippered forearm, it indicated that he seat himself on a chair beside a magnificent desk there. – doesnt read quite right perhaps – With a gesture of its flippered forearm, it indicated that he should sit on the chair beside the magnificent desk.

“Could one of your leaders harmed my friend?” – have harmed my friend

Once more he was in the role of messenger, he thought. – I would remove he thought, it is implied already.

No, they wanted their friend back. – maybe No, they just wanted their friend back. Or No, all they wanted was their friend back.

Then he stepped into the station itself to what appeared to be a wall of faces. – this sentence doesn’t read quite right

A door leading to the corridor gasped open and Commander Rank strode in. – gasped doesn’t really sound right – maybe scraped open or slid open

Well done and thanks for sharing.

Hi Maria,
The plot thickens! I like where this is going. Also, the fact that you have steered clear off the usual tropes that are often seen in sci-fi stories. An impending invasion, benevolent aliens wishing to do the human race good etc. They want to know about their friend. That’s refreshing. I think Andy is coming across as the ‘reluctant hero’ and he is the character who stays with the reader till the end. The Commander is obviously obnoxious. I am waiting to know what hidden agenda will be revealed. Great story! Thank you for sharing!

Hi Maria. I’m definitely going to have to read a few of your other stories as well—I’m always eager for more of a sci-fi fix. Jane did a good job of highlighting some line-edit level issues, but I thought the story overall was good: easy to follow, solid structure, nice symmetry with him being a messenger again on the way back. Also, some of your descriptions were vivid, like the “clink of metal clips and the rustle of the suit.” If I had to highlight a minor gripe, it would be this: Andy’s musings on how leaders are elected, are very on the nose. I’m not arguing the validity of the point, but it’s stated very strongly and reads more like the author budding in than Andy’s thoughts. Besides, he gives a solid answer in the following line. But again, it’s a minor gripe. Thank you for sharing, Maria. And take care.

The other comments cover any minor tweaks.

I love the fact that the aliens just want their buddy back!

I am guessing that the commander knows a lot more than we’ve been told so far about the alien’s situation – probably being probed in Area 51 as we speak.

Thanks for sharing this enjoyable story.

Hi Maria
I liked the unexpected turn of events – the aliens are looking for their friend and the message was meant for him. This makes me think it’s a lot more complicated than the standard first contact story. I agree, there are some edits that would improve the style, but that can definitely be done at a later stage. The only thing that puzzled me slightly was that although the need for decontamination and isolation was stressed, the first thing the crew did was to remove Andy’s space suit. But I was intrigued by the silent treatment that he got. It suggests that they’re worried about more than physical contamination. I’m looking forward to what the next episode brings!

Hello Maria,
I love the continuation of the story.
The twist and then the cliffhanger made me more and more interested in the next chapter.
You language and pace are very good. 🙂

Hey Maria, you really getting into a groove here. The feel and flow of this piece are great and the storyline is well chosen, it has pretty great possibilities. I like the dialogue, limited as it is, and had to laugh at Rank again (well-chosen name 😀. ) Can’t wait for the other shoe to drop, and well done with this. Best regards, Seyi