• Hi Nina,
    Clarissa sounds like some character. I suppose the only comment I would make is that I have no idea what she looks like. Does she take after her mother or father? Is she beautiful? Does she have any faults or disabilities? Is she emotionally damaged by the events in her life? (Sorry, that’s more than one question:-(). You have made…[Read more]

  • Hi Nina,
    Thank you for your comments and for taking the time to read this. No, I don’t think you’ve overstepped. I was aware that I had rushed it and it would need some work. When you have an idea in your head it almost always never comes out the way you expected.
    It is the one who raises the lid. Sarah has no contact at all. When it drops its…[Read more]

  • deadlinesforwriters.com/the-gift-by-maria-kinnersley/

  • This was a powerful piece of writing. I’m assuming this was describing ‘Kristallnacht’? I found it very descriptive and could feel the character’s emotions and that of his wife. Thanks for sharing this work.

  • Hi Peggy,
    I enjoyed the story. Although not used to this genre, you were able to keep the action going and the pace smooth. Just one small point – there were a couple of words that were capitals, that I believe shouldn’t have been – Intel and Airport. Apologies if I’m wrong. Thanks for an entertaining read.

  • I enjoyed this. It was an interesting read, the premise being that the aliens were whatever you thought them to be. What made it work for me was the sparseness of the story. You never actually get these being described, which in itself makes them quite threatening. There were also good stretches of dialogue. Thank you for sharing.

  • What a dark piece! And yet so powerful. I think I’m still too close to the pandemic issues here for me to say I found it enjoyable, but it was a well written and coherent work. Just one small point – you may need to review your dialogue. There were a couple of areas where I noted dialogue spoken by two different people on the same line. When the…[Read more]

  • The Gift by Maria Kinnersley

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    Sarah gave a little sigh, then bent her head again to continue with her tapestry, her fingers skillfully using the needle loaded with thread. The light was fading and the sun would […]

    • I would do a bit rearranging to weave the telling with the talking.
      I would open with I’ll just finish this (cut the muttering phrase) then go to the opening paragraph.
      Then I would move the second and third paragraph to after This…thing knew she was lonely.
      I’m not sure you want to show us the thing before she sees it. Is this from her point of view?
      when talking about love, I would cut it’s a beautiful thing – you showed us that.
      Does It raise the lid? Are those Sarah’s hands that drop?
      hope I haven’t overstepped. The ending us smashing, seriously powerful, and though not entirely a surprise, it was unexpected. Well done.

      • Hi Nina,
        Thank you for your comments and for taking the time to read this. No, I don’t think you’ve overstepped. I was aware that I had rushed it and it would need some work. When you have an idea in your head it almost always never comes out the way you expected.
        It is the one who raises the lid. Sarah has no contact at all. When it drops its hands, the box disappears. Maybe that could be clearer. I will have another look. Glad that you thought it powerful. It’s rare that I go into the fantasy genre. I’m not totally comfortable with it.

  • Hi Astrid,
    Thanks for taking the time to read this and for your kind comments. Yes, it is sort of a continuation, but the other story I wrote was from the wife and daughter’s point of view (Moongazer – February prompt). This one was Andy’s side of the story, so it was only connected in a loose way. I’d be interested to know where you were…[Read more]

  • Hi Astrid,
    This was a very detailed story. I did think that it was worthy of a novel. The word limit didn’t seem enough for it. It was bulging with ideas, in a good way. It left me with a lot of questions. Are you going to continue it? It would be a waste if you didn’t. A true horror mystery. Thanks for a riveting read.

  • Hi Chantel,
    This was such a powerful story. It brought me back to a time in my life when my mother had mental health issues that affected the whole family (she was bi-polar). The realism was startling. I did work out that Marie wasn’t who we thought she was, but I hadn’t realised that she was a doll – very clever. Thank you for a great read.

  • Thank you, Chantel. So glad you enjoyed it. Andy comes up in the next prompt too.

  • Hi Jane,
    Hope all is well with you. I’m glad you enjoyed the story. Thank you for pointing out areas to edit – always valuable. Next month I am going to give myself plenty of time to edit and re-edit. I always seem to leave it till the last moment. Thank you for taking the time to read this and commment.

  • Hi Bogdana,
    A very clever story. I didn’t realise the story was being told through a dog’s eyes until way down the piece. That was interesting.
    As has already been mentioned, there were some typos. There was also flees instead of fleas; and lauder instead of launder. There were also a couple of tense issues – swinged instead of swung and hanged…[Read more]

  • Thank you so much for reading my story, Bogdana. I so glad you enjoyed it.

  • Hi Barbara,
    So glad you enjoyed this story. And you are right there will be a sequel. The prompt for next month is a real gift for me. I already have some ideas which I must write down. I can see what you are saying about the dialogue. I will try that out. It’s still a learning process for me. Thanks for taking the time to read this. It’s appreciated.

  • Hi Marilyn.
    I found your story gripping. The twist at the end was brilliant. I didn’t see it coming. Thanks for a terrific read.

  • Hi Barbara,
    A lovely story. You do have a gift for telling the story without the science getting in the way. And yet it is there and fascinating for all that. Thanks for a thought provoking read. I really enjoyed it.

  • Hi Seyi,
    Hope all is well with you. That was a fascinating read, so full of colour. Your humour is brilliant and so tongue in cheek. Others have mentioned the authenticity of your work and I have to second that. There is the smell and taste of the atmosphere together with the heat and the dirt. You can sure paint a word picture. Thanks for the…[Read more]

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Maria Kinnersley

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