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  • Hi Christy,
    Thanks for the kind comments. It was kind of a rip on old Horton, wasn’t it? Oh, well, I guess all writing is based on some kind of plagiarism. I can’t tell you how many times I have plagiarized the word ‘I’, and don’t even get me started on ‘run’.

    Thanks again. With this one, I learned a lot.

    Randy

  • Thanks Seyi,
    I appreciate the kind words of encouragement. I will go back through this and clean it up. I guess throwing words in a blender and hitting ‘frappe’ isn’t a good strategy. Who knew? It’s is always a good sign when you have to explain the punch-line after the fact (heavy, self-deprecating sarcasm).

    Randy

  • Thanks Jane,
    I slipped into old habits with this one. Just a twitch more detail and I could have made it clear. (describing the ‘blue star’ as a lens they viewed as a star, and tying the slide and them together in the time line. I asked too much, and didn’t give enough.

  • Hi Maria,
    Thanks for the good input. CO2 was supposed to be the assistant blowing into her glove. The clear ship was saliva droplet transferring Covid (or some other virus). I went too vague with this one. Thanks for trying. I appreciate it.

    Randy

  • Hi Lauren,
    Thanks for reading and the input. Oops, I missed on this one. It was supposed to be a virus escaping a lab. They were on the slide the assistant cut her finger on, finding themselves in her bloodstream (eventually). The clear ship was supposed to be a saliva droplet.
    Sorry for putting you through that.
    Randy

  • Very nicely written. Easy to follow, and the emotions were consistent and carried throughout the story. It was a good show of how people react to difference, and was nice to see difference get some payback.

    Good job, as always.

  • Well written, and the story, though political, reads well. It covers a conversation that is all too real, where the needs of the party exceed the well-being of the nation.

    Nice job.

  • Nice job. I think you found the balance between where we have found ourselves and where we need to get to.

    The writing is clean, and the story reads well. You do a good job of not letting the narrator’s opinion taint the story (much).

    Good work.

  • Nice Job. You capture an addict’s spiral very well, giving life to the transcendence into Catatonia.

    The writing is good, smooth, and move along well.

    Thanks for sharing.

  • Great story, with excellent emotion. Some opportunities for smoothing, particularly early on, but the story worked well, and I really got a sense for the character’s and their emotions.

    Nice job.

  • Hi Jane,
    Excellent end to your story. I agree with others that it was a bit rushed, probably too much going on in this chapter. Extending this another month and bringing the story lines together would be nice. As you fine tune this story, there will be plenty of opportunities to weave the personalities, providing hints to how John will react…[Read more]

  • Where There’s a Will by RG Hughes

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    The blue star seemed closer, somehow, its glassy eye peering at Dirque from the bright, lavender sky. Neck craned, he marveled at its brilliance. The sphere filled half the […]

    • I liked this story, especially the similar problems Dirque and Andrella’s planet faced. I admit I got a little lost at the end–I wish the word count was longer so you could be more specific about where they landed and the powers of that planet. Loved the creativity of the worlds as well!

      • Hi Lauren,
        Thanks for reading and the input. Oops, I missed on this one. It was supposed to be a virus escaping a lab. They were on the slide the assistant cut her finger on, finding themselves in her bloodstream (eventually). The clear ship was supposed to be a saliva droplet.
        Sorry for putting you through that.
        Randy

        • Not to worry! I think if you have room to expand, a lot of that could be clearer. It’s hard to do a story this expansive with such limited word counts!

    • I also liked the parallels and thought this was both interesting and entertaining. I loved it when you made the scene switch and told us about the petri dish, so we got a clue as to what was going on! If I had one critical comment, it would be that when you go back to Dirque and Andrella, you mention that they are not just in air, but air and CO2 and I think CO2 is a regular part of air, at least in our world. 😉 I’m not sure what the clear liquid ship is, unless they are being sucked up in a blood draw. I wish we got just a tiny bit more!

      • Hi Maria,
        Thanks for the good input. CO2 was supposed to be the assistant blowing into her glove. The clear ship was saliva droplet transferring Covid (or some other virus). I went too vague with this one. Thanks for trying. I appreciate it.

        Randy

        • Really enjoyed it overall. I like your style – this felt like a true adventure tale on the microscale (both because you’re telling us about little critters and because the story length limit)!

    • Hi Randy, this was definitely creative. I have to admit I got a little lost as to what was going on till I read your comments. I didn’t realise they were actually the virus not human beings:) But nonetheless it was imaginative and enjoyable to read. Well done.

      • Thanks Jane,
        I slipped into old habits with this one. Just a twitch more detail and I could have made it clear. (describing the ‘blue star’ as a lens they viewed as a star, and tying the slide and them together in the time line. I asked too much, and didn’t give enough.

    • Hey Randy and how goes it? Really imaginative storyline, kudos for constructing and delivering it. I also had quite a few queries but your responses to other comments have helped clear them up. The line ‘Nothing like their beautiful, pristine, and sterile world,’ was helpful in identifying the world they had left behind, but for too long I thought they were still in the atmosphere. The yellow glove was a great clue as well as the smell fo ‘latex and perfume’ you had Dirque and Andrella experience but I still failed to tie it all together. I wonder if the names you gave your escaping viruses has any significance? Well done with this and best regards, Seyi

      • Thanks Seyi,
        I appreciate the kind words of encouragement. I will go back through this and clean it up. I guess throwing words in a blender and hitting ‘frappe’ isn’t a good strategy. Who knew? It’s is always a good sign when you have to explain the punch-line after the fact (heavy, self-deprecating sarcasm).

        Randy

        • Hey again Randy, and don’t beat yourself up too much (You have us to do that, if you wish 😀) It’s still a great concept, and I wish I’d have thought of it. Not sure I’d have had the nerve to go through, so I repeat; Kudos. Not sure why, but I’m dying for a Starbucks Frappuccino just about now 🤣 Regards and all the best. Seyi

    • This reminded me of the fantastic journey movie I saw as a kid. I like how you had the perspectives from the Petri dish and from the science lab. Worlds within worlds like Horton Hears a Who. Well done on an enjoyable read.

      • Hi Christy,
        Thanks for the kind comments. It was kind of a rip on old Horton, wasn’t it? Oh, well, I guess all writing is based on some kind of plagiarism. I can’t tell you how many times I have plagiarized the word ‘I’, and don’t even get me started on ‘run’.

        Thanks again. With this one, I learned a lot.

        Randy

    • I just finished reviewing Peggy’s story and told her it was a peaceful and tranquil way to end the year. Now, I have read yours and must say it is a topical and rambunctious way to end the year. Contagion! A great read. The science might be sketchy in a couple places, but I don’t know enough to say that authoritatively and it did not stop me from having a good time. Well done

  • Well written story, with a few edit opportunities others have highlighted already. Gary’s sensitivity is heart-warming, and every gift had meaning based on what she said she wanted (he listened to her, and gave thought to the presents) rather than just giving her what he wanted her to have, though he did seem to benefit from each (lingerie,…[Read more]

  • Very visual writing. Dark, but the story is excellent. In the end, poor, misunderstood Oro dies; a mere tool of the establishment, and weakened from his turn at the bucket. At least the sergeant will finally understand, at least for a few moments.

    Nice job!

  • Hi Seyi,
    Thanks for the kind words and input. You are right about the reference to divorce rates being vague. It was supposed to allude to dead people don’t get divorced. This would have been better if I used it as comedic relief in dialogue.

    Thanks again
    Randy

  • Hi Dianne,
    Thanks for the input. It is a narrator piece focusing on just the beginning. I did six of these, each about the same length, some shorter, but all just sketches surrounding the same theme. If I were to lengthen it into a scene or story, these would be my notes for defining a premise and characters.

    Thanks again
    Randy

  • Hi Doug,
    Thanks for the review. I just read about the 90,000 victim litigation against the Boy Scouts. Sounds too much like this scenario being played out on kids—over generations. Way too scary. I like writing horror but can’t read it.

    Thanks for the kind words.
    Randy

  • Hi Jan,
    Thanks so much for reading the story and the kind comments. Your input is very valuable. Not sure if I would take this further, but some version (maybe a bit lighter) might get written.

    Randy

  • Seems like this might be non-fiction. A forecast. Something along the lines of post-‘Idiocracy’, or maybe the prequel to ‘Hitchhikers guide to the Galaxy.’

    Fun to read.

  • Hi Jane,
    Thanks for reading. I’m thinking more comedy would have leavened the darkness, making it more readable. Perhaps if the characters were more human and vulnerable instead of pure hyenas feasting off the weakness of others. Brainstorming, but maybe show the couple at the beginning, deciding on their first hunt, defining the grid…but with…[Read more]

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Randy Hughes

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