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  • Hi Marilyn,
    Yeah, it was a bit spooky poking around in this kid’s head. What the heck, it’s Halloween season. 🙂

    Randy

  • Thanks Laura!

  • Hi Laura,
    Thanks for reading the story. I’m glad you enjoyed it.

    Randy

  • Hi Paul,
    Thanks for the read and input on editing. Great catches. Sometimes it doesn’t matter how many times I reread, I sail over some of those. It helps to have others read and catch them. Thanks so much for that and the kind words.

    Randy

  • Hi Doug,
    Thanks for reading and the input. I appreciate it and am glad you enjoyed it.

    Randy

  • Michael vK and Profile picture of Randy HughesRandy Hughes are now friends 2 weeks ago

  • Reading through the comments, I get that this is a much larger text. I may have read one other, involving a cave, but don’t remember the details. I thoroughly enjoyed the narrative, with Jenvil’s disappointment clear. If she suspects foul play by the others, is it wise to leave them angry and alone with the prisoners tied to trees, and with the…[Read more]

  • Hi Michael,
    Thanks for reading the story and commenting.

    Randy

  • Nicely done on digging into the emotions of things unsaid. The subtext was handled nicely, letting an old life hang around, and a new life dance forward into the fog. The lost love, possibly the real reason for changing careers, now lost forever (at least for the story), give the plot purpose.

    Thanks for sharing

  • Hi Catherine,
    Thanks for reading and providing feedback. I really appreciate your insight.

    Randy

  • Hi Jane,
    Thanks for reading and the catches. Helen definitely has issues with reality.

    Whats-his-name was in there originally, but I swapped it since Helen is fixated on his baldness. Good point. I shouldn’t throw new things at the reader without giving background.

    Thanks
    Randy

  • The Toast by RG Hughes

    #

    Helen Brandywine stood in the doorway amid mild applause, then waded through the crowd, moving toward the front of the hall. Stepping onto the stage and settling in behind the lectern, […]

    • Hi Randy. Gosh this is a twisted tale. So much going on, I really can’t keep up. I am wondering if our lovely Helen suffers from Bipolar or something similar. Even she doesn’t seem to know what the hell she wants.
      A great read I must say. Even if I am still nonplussed about her and her crazy wedding toast.

      A few small things that may need an edit:

      What’s-his-head, the bride’s father,  – not sure what What’s his head means – maybe What’s his name??

      “Helen, honey,” Mr’s Prence said, her lithe body sliding toward the stage, – Mrs

      Mrs. Prence’s glide halted next the Rye – next to Rye

      Well done and thanks for sharing:)

      • Hi Jane,
        Thanks for reading and the catches. Helen definitely has issues with reality.

        Whats-his-name was in there originally, but I swapped it since Helen is fixated on his baldness. Good point. I shouldn’t throw new things at the reader without giving background.

        Thanks
        Randy

    • Hi Randy. Jane picked up on the little typos already so I will not repeat. Yes, this is a twisty entertaining tale. The MC is engaging and keeps the audience on there toes as we move from silent cheering to real concern for her mental health. Ha ha. But the there is also the slight possibility she is telling the truth? Good story.

    • I reckon that Ryan and Sheila are missing out! Mr and Mrs Sheila seem to be getting all the action with Helen, at least in her head, 😉

      Thanks for sharing this twisted little tale.

    • Well that took a turn. You a great job with a lot of characters in a very small space. You gave the right details to draw each one engagingly in a minimum of space. And they all mixed it up with each other. Between that and the pacing, the story had the feel of a hot, small room with too many people in it. Just like a wedding reception. Good job.

    • Hi Randy,

      This is an entertaining piece keeping the reader on the page and always wondering, what’s next. I was left wondering is dementia plays a part or something deeper, less obvious.

      I wondered about “halted next the Rye” when you probably intended “halted next to Rye” although the following sentence contains “to”. You may have been wresting with a repeat or an echo. There are few more but you will spot them on a re read.

      The speeches at these events can be nerve wracking, especially when there is a reveal rather than the customary congratulations.

      Well done in providing spiced up entertainment.

      Thank you for sharing.
      Keep writing.

      Cheers,
      Paul

      • Hi Paul,
        Thanks for the read and input on editing. Great catches. Sometimes it doesn’t matter how many times I reread, I sail over some of those. It helps to have others read and catch them. Thanks so much for that and the kind words.

        Randy

  • This was an interesting story. I like that it was told by the narrator, as if a reporter. I saw no intrusion into the minds of the characters, providing good distance. The dialog was done well, offering a view of the personalities, and the importance of decorum. The visuals were good also, though perhaps a bit wordy in the early paragraphs. That…[Read more]

  • Jane,
    Excellent story. The description made the scene easy to visualize, from her out-of-body experience, to the next day with John. If I had any suggestion, it would be to continue to tighten the wording. I look forward to more of your chapters to this story. I think you have a great tale going here.

  • Nice job. A few small misses, but nothing that slowed the read down. Had no problem seeing through the eyes of Tom, and into his thoughts and feelings.

    Good story.

  • Nicely done. The story drew the reader through, always asking ‘what’s behind this’. It felt ‘War of the Worlds ish’, and help the suspense to the end, and beyond. The POV and epistolary format were the right choice for the story.

    Thanks for sharing.

  • Hi Patrick,
    Thanks for the feedback. I’ve slowed down on the WTCOI stuff. Not much going on past 8. If you are doing these, I will start back up again and provide feedback. (will also check to see if you’ve done others).

    Thanks
    Randy

  • Hi Glen,
    Thanks for the kind words and review. Brittany and Melissa from your story could be sisters.

    Thanks again
    Randy

  • I like how you build the story’s tension from a slightly jealous friend, to someone who had been plotting for awhile to disrupt her friend, Rebecca’s, life. There were a couple of small things: I’m not sure Uber drivers take cash…at least I haven’t heard of it, and Melissa doesn’t make much money, and yet spent $50 on Uber to get there. For the…[Read more]

  • Hi Jeff,
    Thanks for reading and providing input. If I remember right, Carol and Kathy met through Melissa as well. She does tend to spark a lot of love, and oddly enough, Brittany’s ex was named Frank Byron McIntyre. I wonder if they’re related. Mellissa’s ex went my Frank, though, so probably not.

    Thanks again
    Randy

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Randy Hughes

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