• Broken Machine

    “What is that noise?” I screamed downstairs.

    “Nothing.” My husband replied.

    “Well, it’s something. It sounds like the washing machine has rocks rolling around in it.” I started walking down […]

    • Yep, a bad time to be wearing dirty clothes.

    • Thanks for the read, Linda. She can’t stay mad at him because he was tyring to help, right? There might be a missing word in the last paragraph where it says – we’re in all the stores are closed. It was fun and well written. Thanks, Sharon

  • I like how your story flows from the very long Graduation ceremony (I’ve gone through a couple myself so I know how boring they can get.) to Lexi tempting Jake to take a break with her. Her flirting with Jake adds some spice to the story. I like the sexy interlude, and Lexi’s boldness. Well done!

  • Good job capturing how sometimes having no structure, or nothing that has to be done by a certain time, can actually be boring or somewhat depressing. We all wish for free time to relax, but then when we get it sometimes can’t actually handle it and relaxing isn’t possible for some people. Good story.

  • Linda commented on the post, Bench by Che 2 days, 16 hours ago

    Your story flows nicely, Che. The last line makes me think that Louise is suggesting Nadine is having an affair with her husband, since Abigail knows him. Not sure if that’s the case. It does make me want to read more.

  • Good dialogue. I especially like how you keep it a surprise till the very end that Michael is not the one truly in charge. Good story!

  • I watched my friend, Alex, lay down her letters on the scrabble board.

    “‘Excellence’ on a triple word score for 60 points!” Alex smiled knowing she was going to win.

    “Well that about does it for me. How am I […]

    • Hi Linda! Great job. I like that you only reveal they are playing online halfway through the story. I am not sure the way Alex talks at the very end works for me. She sounds like she is in a play, reading a script or something. But apart from that, it was a very enjoyable read. Thank you for sharing.

    • This story does a good job at capturing the times we’re living in.
      I have to agree with the first comment though that some of the lines felt stiff, like “Yes, but you have left me in the dust with your letters and luck in using the best tiles.” I’m not sure people would speak that way. Maybe read it aloud and see what you can do to help the flow.
      Otherwise and enjoyable read, thanks!

    • I agree that it adds to the story to not reveal they are playing online until partway through. So much of our lives that look normal in some ways still but decidedly are not. And I also like that ‘pandemic’ was more fun to speculate about before and how you mention that has changed, too. Thanks for sharing 🙂

  • Well written! I like the buildup of tension and the clock ticks on never stopping pushing her anxieties forward. Just one edit: the first line isn’t readable as most of it is typed over.

  • Good story, especially the twist ending by the teacher fooling her students. 😀

  • I can relate to the ticking clock bringing on more anxious thoughts, and thus not being able to sleep. Well written!

  • Thank you, Adam!

  • Thank you, Deryn. I appreciate your comment.

  • “Hey, are you okay?” Shawn asked his classmate, Andrea.

    “Sorry, but I have to move my shoulder and neck sometime due to tics.”

    “Tics?” Shawn looked nervously at Andrea. “Why don’t you go to a doctor. You nee […]

  • Cinthia, very good writing! Great dialogue! I sympathized with Margaret’s need to have space to herself so she can focus on her art and just herself. I also understood her husband liking being “comfortable” . I got the feeling that Margaret was needing some romance back in her life, which men forget sometimes as they get “comf…[Read more]

  • Thank you, Athina! Obviously, I like abandoned houses as well as ghost stories, and so I would like to continue it at some point. 🙂

  • Thank you, Christy! Glad you enjoyed it.

  • An emotional story that flows from beginning to end. I like your dialogue as it conveys a lot about the characters. Good job referring to past events in Carla’s life revealing why she is so hesitant to see her mother again. The references to the past are brief but with well chosen few words you’re able to convey more to the reader. Also, the…[Read more]

  • Good story, especially current to the times. Your dialogue effectively shows Okalebo’s excitement and frustration in trying to obtain what he needed to make the face masks. I also really liked how the person on the phone didn’t dismiss Okalebo but rather was patient and wanted to help him learn how to go about obtaining the proper mat…[Read more]

  • I enjoyed reading your story. It flowed smoothly from beginning to end. The last bit of the cigarette at the bottom of her purse worked well as a symbol of a good time in her life. Very good use of it as a symbol evoking memories. I like how you keep referring to the cigarette and use the senses to evoke emotion in the reader. I also really…[Read more]

  • Good writing! I like your build-up to her figuring out what was going on (ie left her taps on and caused flood). She was a lot calmer than I would have been in that situation—wish I could be so chill about the mess and how to make everything okay again, hopefully, with her landlord and neighbour.

  • Good job describing the frustration of the lockdown, but also how determined Sheila is to keep running so she’’s ready for when there is a competition. Also, good job showing the excitement of the idea of things going back to normal with the pandemic ending.

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Linda

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@lsansalonerogers-com

active 6 hours, 55 minutes ago