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  • A well-written, very emotional story, Becky! Losing one’s memory is so sad. You do a really good job of bringing the reader into the pain of your main character, his desperation to find his late wife and inability to accept she has passed on. Your story brought tears to my eyes!

  • Clarissa, I really enjoyed reading your story! All along until Lily reveals her secret, I thought she was in love with Theo, as he mistakenly thought. When she reveals her love for Mia, it’s a shock to us and Theo. Although, as you keep the suspense of the reveal going it also made me question that Theo might not be reading her mind as well a…[Read more]

  • Great build-up of suspense! You kept what was going on at the house a secret to the end. I liked Chris and Luke’s determination to find out what was behind the word “help” on the paper they found, even after Mr. Collinson had sent them home. You might want to add more detail of the men at the house, and what was happening at the house.

  • Well written story! You handled the tension between the mom and mother-in-law well through the dialogue and Reshma’s internal thoughts. I was surprised by the ending; great twist!

  • Not Haunted? By Linda Sansalone
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    Francesca and Simon were looking for a house to buy in the quaint town of Niagara-on-the-Lake.  They preferred it to be lakefront, but those houses were way beyond their […]

    • Hello. I love a good ghost story. Overall I liked it. I have some notes for you. First the good. This is my favorite sentence that you wrote, ” Just then, Francesca heard a scraping sound as if someone had sat down at the kitchen table and pulled their chair up to it. 
      It gives a spooky feel and mentally I can hear the sound. I like how you used senses into your story.
      The beginning of your story on the other hand was a little confusing. You mind hop between the new homeowners and Kevin. I suggest keeping in one mindset through the whole story or make a break such as a large gap or ** line to show the reader they are entering into a new mind set or another setting. I don’t think you need to repeat the house’s history twice- Kevin’s thoughts and the MC talking to the shopkeeper. Personally, I like learning the house’s history through the shopkeeper- you naturally gave shopkeeper a creepy lady feel and learning from her would add up the spook factor. Slowly learning about history or characters keeps the story moving forward and the reader learns stuff along with the characters. Overall I enjoyed it and I look forward to reading more from you, especally ghost stories.

    • A haunted house! The new owners definitely have some misunderstandings to work through.

      A grammar consideration. Several times when using quotes, you should instead use a comma and lower case letter, like this:

      “Well, maybe we have a ghost,” laughed Simon.

      Also, maybe you could use something in addition to dialogue to portray part of the haunted house’s story. Maybe a historical news article, or maybe the Haunted Shop could have a relic from the house that contributes to the story?

      How was Sean killed? Why is he haunting the house? You leave me wanting more! Well done!

  • Thank you, Peggy, for your positive feedback. Also, thank you for the tip about dropping “Kate’s” name from one of the lines: I agree. I always like any edits to help me improve my writing. Glad you enjoyed my romance!

  • A deeply emotional story. My concern for Julia kept me reading, and wanting more at the end. I was very glad that she didn’t hurt herself more. I wanted her to find the strength to get past what happened as hard as that would be. I want to know what she did find on the other side of the door. You brought the reader into the story feeling s…[Read more]

  • Street Musician by Linda Sansalone

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    Every morning, Jessie awoke at 7:00am so that she had time to comb her long brunette hair and fasten it with a scrunchie.  She preferred to wear her hair back in a pony tail […]

  • Clare’s Biography by Linda Sansalone

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    Past:

    Grew up in Toronto with her parents.  Authoritative father passed away from cancer at 59.  Clare was very close to her mother who was a Librarian and passed away at […]

    • Linda,
      Nice job on the bio. The way you write it gives a good skeletal structure that your story can grow from, and will make it easier to refer back to when needed. I’m a pantser, so outlining doesn’t come easy, and envy those who do it well.

  • Marilyn

    I like your choice of words to convey the mood and setting. I can sense that Sara wasn’t happy to be there, and didn’t like the rain season through her memories, and closing the blinds. The story flowed well.

    Good job!

  • Good detail in your story, Stella! For only 100 words you did a great job describing the storm and your cottage. Then having the whale jump the next morning explains why Alison likes living there, even if it means weathering such storms. I also love being in a waterfront cottage on the ocean and watching whales and seals. Good job!

  • Good story! Interesting use of the ‘whale’’ prompt. Your story brings back childhood memories of my own, when I used to catch tadpoles at the pond on the property that my parents owned. Then take them home and watch the tail disappear and the legs appear and then bring them back to the pond to release the frogs.

  • Glad you liked my story, Randy. Thank you for all your comments!

  • Thank you, Randy! I want it to be a ghost story, and plan on expanding it.

  • I’m glad you liked it, Randy. Thank you for your positive comments.

  • A Beacon of Hope by Linda Sansalone

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    Clare awoke to the sound of the fog horn and Herring Gulls calling for their breakfast from the fishermen.  She escaped to her and her sister’s, Angie’s, favourite vaca […]

    • This a nice, warm story about budding romance. You do a good job with details and visuals, and the story is easy to follow. There may be some opportunity to light up the detail, but at the same time, we might have lost something if you did.

      Thanks for sharing
      Randy

  • Good story! It’s very true, I think, for most of us to have one particular object that we attach good luck to; and, then if we lose that item we feel unnerved by it and so we desperately look for it. Your story had a nice flow to it. I could feel her need to treat herself when she lost her job, and then to panic when she lost her good luck p…[Read more]

  • Vivid details of the true nightmare. So sad! All it takes is one moment of taking your eyes off the road for a tragedy to happen. Fire/Rescue would be a very stressful and emotional job. Well written story! I like when you added that the same lipstick might be put on her for her funeral, since putting on the lipstick caused all those lives.

  • I liked your story. I also hate red lipstick for the same reason. LOL
    You tied the hatred of the lipstick to a very emotional memory, where he has good memories of red lipstick on his grandmother. Showing us how much he misses her. Well done.

  • Well written story with a shock ending! I was so focused on Sharon worrying about someone stealing her money, that the ending was a total surprise. Well done in 300 words.

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Linda

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@lsansalonerogers-com

active 1 hour, 30 minutes ago