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  • CHAPTER 24

    The Tea Oracle

    The Tea Oracle was situated on a street corner right across the river from Inverness castle. Standing outside the door, they took in the breath-taking view. [Should I expand? Give a […]

  • Evie lunged at the book dragon, who leapt into the air and darted away from them to hide in the surrounding darkness.

    “Whoa! Take it easy there!” she giggled.

    “We were only joking.” Hăo chortled good-nat […]

  • Marilynn arrived out front of the estate’s opened gates. She gawked up the seemingly never-ending driveways to the enormous building sitting at the top of the hill. “Well, I guess this is where I am sleeping […]

    • Hey Matt, Clever twist on the ghostwriter idea. I admire the storyline and the turns it takes. As a writer, however, I got stymied by the spelling and tense areas. Take a minute to use a grammar check. Clean this up and keep it up. Good stuff.

      • Ray! Thanks for the feedback! I wrote this very quickly and use grammarly but I know there are still errors, I apologize – do you have any suggestions of which grammar checkers you use? I’d love to get some more tools in my tool belt. Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment! I appreciate it! Glad you enjoyed! – Matt

    • Matt, for someone who claimed he was in a rush – this was good stuff. Perhaps you’ve gathered from my past critiques I’m not overly fussy about pointing out grammatical mistakes. Rather I like to focus on the overall feeling of an Author’s story. That being said – I think this one of my favorites of yours. It’s clever, witty, wildly imaginative and just fun to read. I think these two characters deserve another tale. Good work.

      • Charles – always appreciate the feedback – i was working on another piece, scraped it last second and wrote this in about 2 hours. Thanks for the kind words and I know there are a ton of grammatical/tense errors! Thanks! I think I will continue to tinker with these two! -Matt

    • Oh how I know about those pesky deadlines! That’s why we’re all here, right? I love the reflection of your real-life deadline in this fictional narrative. A clever and enjoyable read with a unique premise: a ghostly ghostwriter. Wonderful! Thanks for sharing your story.

    • Nice combination of crises here. The beginning had an echo of a goldilocks kind of story to it – biggest bed in biggest room and all. So the pressing “dead”line and the “ghost”writer – lovely play on words there.
      The other thing I liked was Suzie’s voice/diction – well done.
      I’d imagine the ghost with a much more archaic turn of phrase though – after all, he’s been dead for centuries.
      The follow-up, where the ghostwriter gets introduced to the computer as the writing tool is going to be SO captivating! Hope it gets written!

    • Hi Matt, This is an amazing story – especially as you wrote it so quickly. I don’t think I have ever managed to write 1500 words in 2 hours. I take my hat off to you.
      I found it engaging and funny:) I do like the pun of a real life ‘ghost-writer’.
      I know you said you know there are many typos or grammar errors – due to your rushing, but again, you did an amazing job in such a quick time frame. I have a few here for you to help with your editing:
      a bar, a bowling alley, and tennis quarts – courts
      I looked at the link you sent me off the house. – of
      I just need to getaway – get away
      pepper spry not far from reach. – spray
      Oh, I am afraid not, I am dead, and this is my ghost form.” – you have many ‘I am’s’ throughout this story, which I think would read better as “I’m”.
      That seemed to get your earlier. – you
      Why care to join?” – needs a comma – Why, care to join?
      Well done Matt:)

  • Long Live Potatoes.

    “Son, make a list of provisions as I tell you, get a piece of paper and a pencil Hurry up! It’s Friday! We must prepare lunch before the afternoon prayers”, I commanded.
    “Here Mom, I’m rea […]

    • Positive feedback: A compelling story portraying the mundane aspect of our lives contrasting the turmoil we face.
      Constructive feedback: action/reaction to dialogue by another character starts a next paragraph. I was a bit confused at the end with dialogue not attributed to anyone. If internal thoughts, then italics without quotation marks.

    • Interesting read and well captured events of life. Change is indeed the only thing that is permanent. The rest can change.

    • Hi Anjum
      I like your play with the prompt. So many things that are not permanent. But then it is true that change IS permanent.
      Interesting story and well written. Thank you for sharing.

  •  

    Over to the right, in the distance, leaves swirled up in another gust of wind, catching her eye. As she looked back to the mirror-like grey granite, a watery sun peered through the cloud behind her, enough to […]

    • Hi Martin
      Bothe the genre definition and the warning are so to the point.
      I enjoyed this wishing I could write such a piece.
      Thank you for writing this.

    • Hi, Martin Such a lovely piece. So thoughtful and kind. We need more of these stories in our lives. I perhaps read more into the story, but I gathered that the little girls mother had passed away and he was able to understand her loss because he had suffered also. It was beautifully written, and it is one that will stick with me. My story is about kindness also. I guess we were thinking alike this month. Thanks for an uplifting story.

  • Image: https://unsplash.com/photos/eenumTwM6Ec?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditShareLink

    Coldness, perpetual coldness and blackness. They come back – blinding lights and loud thumping m […]

    • Hi Bogdana,
      Now this was a truly alien piece and I don’t mean in a bad way. It was very descriptive and full of word pictures. Would I be right in that it was a stream of consciousness piece. Very brave and interesting. I will probably have to come back for another read. Thank you for stretching my mind a bit. It was a fascinating story.

  • “Hey, Aunt Dianne. I have another question for you.” Gumshoe Maisie had been envisioning the list on her notepad, and decided it was worth a shot, “Could you also ask Frank if he knew someone named Colle […]

    • Hi Becky, I really like how you’re showing us what’s inside Maisie’s head. Especially the counting right before calling someone shows that this is quite an obstacle for her. I was somehow reminded of the TV-series “Monk” 😊 . The scenes themselves are great and seem rather polished. When you talk about how lonely Maisie is it might be a good idea to foreshadow her future relationship with Kenji. You could have Maisie admit that she would like his company, but for a rather innocent activity, like watching a football game on TV. Which Kenji of course would have to turn down because he’s speed-dating. Just in case you wanted to foreshadow their relationship. Great hook at the end!

    • So now we learn more about Colleen, and have another lead to follow with Bob Williams. You do such a good job putting the reader inside Maisie’s head, to hear her thoughts and how she processes things. It’s sad that she relegates herself to mediocrity, I wonder if this is a subplot used to show character growth along the way.
      Can you remind me what year this is? I ask, because it seems like Maisie ought to be able to do a lot of this research herself on the internet without needing a research librarian, unless we’re still in the 1990s or early 2000s in which case it makes more sense.
      Anyway, I’m loving the way the story is developing. As I mentioned, you have an enviable way of showing Maisie’s emotional state and thought processes, I was sad for her to be lonely and worried that she might go back to her ‘cul de sac’ relationship (a great analogy). I’m trying to forget that I read Susanne’s comments, so I won’t be surprised as the story unfolds 🙂
      Great work, Becky! I’m enjoying this journey of yours, and look forward to reading more next week.

    • I’m getting worried about Maisie’s mental health…I thought we were dealing with grief, but her self esteem is really low!
      my high school boy friend’s name was Bob Williams! He’s alive and well and living in California! Hope that helps Maisie? 🙂
      Seriously, it’s a very common name…surprising that she got the response she did!
      looking forward to the next scenes Becky!
      G

  • .I was pre-hungover when a frantic Chinyere phoned. Apparently, two hundred forty-seven thousand, six hundred and forty-three applications were received since the ad went live at midnight. She was my ‘inside man’ […]

    • Hi Seyi! Thanks for sharing your irreverent and mouthy, incorrigible main character – I like how he goes from one difficult seemingly impossible situation to another and somehow keeps going. The whole recycling of the left-over beer is hilarious (and rather nauseating) but still.. gotta laugh. I can see your stories made into a movie.

      • Hey Pam, and how goes it? Funny, I’ve had your story open on my desktop since last night and intend to get to it this morning. Yeah, my protagonist is not easy to like, but I hope he gets a laugh or two. My fictitious setting is over the top in many ways, movie would have to be a farce of some sort 😀 Stay well and all the best, Seyi

    • Hi Seyi, hope you’re well,

      I so enjoy your ministry stories that highlight the corruption in government and religion, while introducing us to the seedier characters that navigate between them. Here I thought, as did Abu, that he had set himself up for great things to come, only to have the tables turned by those he used to get there. This was clever and engaging and oh so entertaining! Well done.

      • Hey Peggy and how goes it? Thanks for reading and commenting. I was also glad to get back to the den of tricksters that is the Ministry of Power. One of these days, I’ll find an uplifting tale to tell from this setting, but I think it will be a while before I can work that up 😀 All the best, and regards. Seyi

    • Ah, the deals we make to try to get ahead, and the ways they can backfire.

      Great fun story. Corruption and deal making, and here I thought the USA had a monopoly on it. LOL

      Thanks for the fun read, Seyi. I can relate to the pre-hangover.

      • Hey Jeff, and thanks for reading. Glad you enjoyed this piece. Corruption is out there buddy, the only way I can cope with it is to poke fun. All the best and the comments are much appreciated. Regards, Seyi

    • “No shaking, God is in control,” is one of my favorite lines in this irreverent tale about political corruption and deceit. Your ribald whit is in fine form this month. As usual you have crafted a fine story filled with double entendres that causes me smile throughout. My only criticism is that the transitions are a little choppy. That being said, your transitions heighten the action so it’s no big deal.

      • Hey again Charles, and howzit? I’ll take a look at the way I sectioned the story again, and thanks for pointing this out. Enough wor count to make it smooth, I think. All the best and regards, Seyi

    • Hello Seyi! Thank you for another visit whit the Minister of Power. I laughed and laughed throughout this story with the dark humor and biting satire–thank you for sharing!

      • Hey Lauren and thanks, glad you liked this piece. It was meant to elicit laughter so I am glad that worked. All the best and cheers, Seyi

    • Hi: A bit intense for me. Too much double talk and back stabbing. But also funny and well written. My favorite part was: the meniscus covered by a layer of cigarette butts. I could visualize that. Write a happy story next time. lol. Just kidding. evon

      • Hey Evon, and yeah I hear you. It’s a bit over the top but intentionally so. Thanks for toughing through it and I’m glad you found it funny. I was just saying to Peggy that I must find an uplifting story from this same scenario (I’ve written a few short stories with the same setting, and band of characters.) That would be a real challenge. Thanks for the comments and cheers, Seyi

    • Hi Seyi,
      I cheered when I saw it was a Ministry of Power story. It was great fun, a hugely enjoyable story. The mental picture I have of Abu in the bar will stay with me for quite a while. Thank you for a great story.

      • Hi again Maria and thanks 😀 Yeah, those characters are becoming like furniture in my mind. Abu is crazy over-the-top and I hope you can shed his more extreme actions from your memory soon 🤣 Thanks for commenting and best regards, Seyi

    • Hi Seyi. I started smiling at your warning ‘High ‘eeew’ coefficient’ and just knew I was in for a treat. I had to work hard for it though, as there was so much ‘between the lines’ type talk, that I kept having to read things twice, and I’m still wondering what I’ve missed here: ‘ I barely managed to convince her she’d misheard my advice.’ I’m glad Abu got his comeuppance but I’m sure he’ll find a way to win through to the next round. Thanks for the laughs.

      • Hey June and howzit? Thanks for reading and for commenting, I had worried initially that I had too much going on with this piece. With that line, Abu thought he’d convinced Chinyere that his advice was good but clearly this did not work, and she’d been harboring a grudge for a while. No real winners with this cast of characters. I’ll have to try and figure out a way of showing this if/when I revisit the Ministry. All the best and regards, Seyi

    • Hi Seyi, you do manage to draw us into your writing. I could almost smell that putrid beer, sieved through a dirty sock – EWWWWWW. There was a lot going on in this story and I did struggle here and there. But it was fabulous as always. And I’m glad that Abu did not win out with all his wheeling and dealing:) Well done.

      • Hey Jane and howzit? Glad you got into the story and yeah, I did insert a serious eew moment there. Thankfully the only person(s) who would do that live in my imagination (I hope 😀) All the best and regards, Seyi

    • Hi Seyi,
      That made for a fascinating read! However, I was a little confused at certain points as to what exactly was the narrator vying for. I love the rich cultural undertones that you’ve introduced through your story. I recall reading another story about this ministry. Is this a sequel to the same. Couple of questions.
      “Your effluent speech returned when you met Chinyer….” Here, did you mean ‘affluent’? Or, you put ‘effluent’ on purpose?
      Also, what does ‘kai’ and ‘ìdùpẹ́’ mean? Sorry I know I am asking a lot of questions. But that’s because I want to cherish the story better. I love the dialogue exchange and the witty repartees. The pastor is a lech. Brilliant writing! Thank you for sharing!

      • Hi Amrita and thanks for reading and for pointing out the bits that could cause confusion. This piece is based on the same fictional Ministry of Power I’ve used as a setting in the past. Most of the characters are new though the narrator has popped up before (in ‘https://deadlinesforwriters.com/they-never-said-anything-by-seyi/’) ‘Effluent’is an intentionally misspoken word by the narrator since it implies that Patrick’s speech is ‘shit.’ I used this exchange to emphasize the point that Patrick makes, about Abu having a ‘sharp mouth’ and causing his (Patrick’s) stutter when they were in school. ‘Kai’ is a catchall slang word that could mean ‘stop’ but is also used as an expression of surprise or shock. In this context, ‘ìdùpẹ́ means the altar call that happens in some churches (see the comment ‘I know what you asked Chinyere during last week’s altar call.’) Hope these clarifications help, and thanks again for the queries. Best regards, Seyi

    • Hello Hello Seyi, Wheeling and dealing, wallowing in corruption, and drowning the feeling. Love the way your characters dance with the devils without realizing they are in the mix. ABU is lucky to have you pointing him up, and down. I could smell the humor in effluent. Thanks for the tale.

      • Hey again Ray and yeah, my cast of characters this month didn’t have many redeeming factors. Thanks for reading and for your comments. Regards, Seyi

    • An Interesting read. The things we do to get to where we want are sometimes appalling. Corruption is never easy as everyone involved usually watches their back. Thanks for sharing Seyi, i really loved this.

      • Hey Gokatwemang and how goes it? Yeah, thankfully this particular bunch only lives in my imagination. I’d hate to meet any of them for real. Glad you enjoyed it, and thanks for reading. All the best. Regards Seyi

    • This was a fun read, I like the voice and pace of the story. I wonder if some of these other side plots have already been written? The kidnapping story sounds intriguing, for example. Well done!

  • As the sun shelters behind the conference of clouds, Tamsin trod the three treads down -down-down into a stark storage room. Flicking on the overhead fluorescent lights, bathing the room in a bluish tint, Tamsin […]

    • Hi there!
      Thank you for your story… I could relate to going through boxes of memories, and also bad hair decisions!
      The story has 3 parts – searching boxes in the basement, the Italian memory, and the hairdressing appointment. I wonder if the story wouldn’t flow better if you mixed them a bit more, as the jump from the one scenario to the next was a bit disorientating. Maybe the whole story could be told as a visit to the hairdresser which would allow for it to be told in dialogue, i.e. the protagonist arrives late for her appointment (because she has been going through the boxes) and proceeds to tell the hairdresser why she is late and what she found and about the incident in Italy etc. And then the final reveal of the picture and her link to the muppets. I think this would help the humour along…
      It might also be useful to clarify for yourself who or what the antagonist is in the story and strengthen that. Is it her younger self that made bad decisions?
      Thank you for the laugh…but I had to google who/what Beaker was! Now I know!

    • This is so funny! Poor Tamsin – she really should not ever style her hair like Beeker ever again. I like the way you tell your story. You up the tension at the end of the first part with short sentences and Tamsin’s frantic search. Then the flashback with the Italian police – thank you for the translations! I did not see the end coming. So funny.

    • Hi, C Alexis. Very nice story. I am sure I would get more out of it if I knew Italian, but it was fun to try to decipher what was being said. I think you could have less of the Italian phrases, because if you don’t know Italian that is a lot of words to skip over. I like the suggestion from Anita about having the scene all take place at the hair appointment and her just retelling bits and pieces for the reader. Very well written scene. Thanks

  • I’m not a people’s person. Virtual meetings are my thing. The written word is my shield. Right here, outside your front door, I take a couple of deep breaths, each one glazed with undisguised apprehension. I hop […]

    • So nice I read it twice 🙂 Well done on executing your ‘no dialogue’ challenge so effectively. The thought monologue was very intriguing and kept me interested and surprised. The interior descriptions, and the contrast in interior was fantastic. I certainly have a soft spot for drag queens, and loved getting slowly pulled into Dee-Dee Cupcake’s inner sanctuary.

      • Thank you Carmen! I’m happy that you’ve found the the story and POV intriguing. I hope that the description of her environment and the narrator’s perception/ assumptions depict her outer world versus her inner turmoil, as I intended.

    • Becky replied 5 days ago

      This was a very fun, unique story! You pulled off your no-traditional-dialogue challenge well–this story worked without it. I love the characters and the description of the house as you slowly pull us in it and through it. Well done!

    • What a fun story! I loved the voice you created for your protagonist–you encapsulate the judginess in us all. I also loved the details and cataloguing of the various items and settings–I felt like I was there. Nicely done!

    • Wow, AC this is brilliant. The descriptions are so immersive and wonderfully detailed. I like the strange character behind the narrative voice, just the type to cope with this surreal experience. There was just one moment when I couldn’t picture what was happening and that as with the line ‘Shoulders back, rucksack over one arm, I forge ahead with my bags in hand.‘ It seems a bit of an awkward stance. My favorite line from many awesome ones has to be ‘ My sneakers squelch on the lime-washed herringbone floor.‘ I hope you don’t mind, I’m sure to use that ‘sneakers squelch’ sometime soon. Thanks for introducing me to ‘maquillage,‘ it seems very apt. Well done with this piece, and all the best. Seyi

  • ‘No! Absolutely not!’

    There. I had remembered my assertiveness training and I thought I had given a reasonable rendition of sounding decisive.

    But Sophia knew me too well and, though she was momentarily thr […]

    • Even though she still has yet to deal with Sophia and her thoughtlessness, at least our narrator has a new kitten. Silver linings. Very well written and nice characterizations – we got a true sense of Sophia and her self-absorption and our protagonist’s ongoing issues with lack of self-confidence.

    • I thought you did really well to demonstrate their power play! It was subtle yet so obviously showed how Sophia manipulates the MC. One small suggestion, when you are giving the examples of how Sophia took advantage of her in their youth – maybe you could add one or two examples of how that continued into their adulthood? I struggled to see how it had continued out of adolescence. Although this gave an example of just that so maybe not too necessary. Really good play on characterisation!

  • Byron gulped his breakfast quota of water, also wetting his weekend whiskers. He set the empty glass on the side table next to the couch. “Who was at the door last night?” 

    Sylvia upset her tea. Hot drops ran […]

    • Hi Becky, Interesting story, well written. I have to admit I thought it was going to be Sylvia who had a shopping problem and she was just using Jane as an excuse.

    • Excellent story Becky! You had me going there. I thought Sylvia, not being daft, was actually a cunning wife, deliberately cheating on her husband – so, well done with the twist! I like the manner in which you describe the pulse in her ears and her muscles relaxing back in the lawn chair. Great showing and not telling. I enjoyed reading your story very much.

    • This is a great mystery – I couldn’t wait to find out! I like the roller coaster analogy.

    • Sylvia didn’t seem the type to actually have an affair, but the clues were there and it was either that or she was the secret shopper. I was glad to find out it was neither, although the Joey thing did come out of left field. Perhaps some foreshadowing, like a picture of their son that draws her attention, or she’s dusting, or some such. A little, inconsequential thing that seems meaningless, until the ending when we’re on that rollercoaster and the truth comes out.
      This was a lovely story, Becky, it held my attention throughout as I tried to solve the mystery, your dialogue and actions made the pacing just right. Well done!

      • Great idea, Peggy! I do think Joey needs foreshadowing, but I couldn’t think of anything subtle enough (didn’t spend enough time thinking about it, too be honest). Thanks for reading!

    • Hey Becky and nicely crafted. I was nonplussed for much of the story and guessed Sylvia was hiding everything except communications for an estranged child. I agree it might have been fun to seed the story with clues about them suddenly being empty-nesters or a similar throwaway detail. You got the absent-minded communications between spouses well as well as the influence of neighbors on old couples’ lifestyles. I enjoyed this piece and appreciate the ambiguous ending you gave it. All the very best nd regards, Seyi

    • Hey Becky,
      Great, well-crafted story. I was trying to piece together what exactly was going on. I thought she might have a shopping habit too. She certainly didn’t seem to be the type for the “A” word but you never know. I did enjoy the short-hand conversation of a long relationship that you had going there. It was a fun read and that false trail kept me going. Well done.

  • My focus is on Short Stories until the end of the SS Membership.

    The 3 main goals are the long term ones, and the specifics are for me to focus till the end the second quarter (End Jun).

    Thereafter, I will […]

    • What are a few of the books begging to be read? I need ideas.

    • Hello Hannah! I’ll give you some authors that I enjoy reading:
      Ruth Hogan (Queenie’s Maline’s Paradise Hotel is brilliant);
      Holly Jackson (Good a girl’s Guide to Murder & sequels);
      Robert Galbraith (aka JR Rowlings);
      James Patterson;
      Elly Griffith;
      Marianne Cronin (The One Hundred years of Lenni & Margot = brilliant!;
      Lisa Jewel;
      Shari Lapena

  • Scene 21Adele could not speak. The words did not form, and she could not expel them even if they were ready. After Laoise spoke her words, laden with mystery hanging right there in the room, a heaviness came over […]

  • Marduk closed the door of his bedroom behind himself carefully to avoid any noise that might disturb his queen’s rest. He took off his heavy cloak and flung it onto the backrest of the armchair by the window. O […]

    • Hi Eva-Maria,
      nice scene, lots of back story of the antagonist which is really cool and it starts to explain what his motives are.

      Two things caught my eye:

      • The king was ambushed by sleep… but then we spend a lot of time on memories… maybe this could be a dream he has?
      • This sentence made me think that the tutor’s name was Tiamat, not the daughter: “the daughter of his astronomy tutor, Tiamat.” Think it is easy to fix by just changing order of words.

      Looking forward to next scene!

      //Per

    • Hi Eva-Maria,
      This was a great scene. I had the same concerns as Per. Also, he’s trying not to make any noise that would disturb the queen but is also throwing boots around? Hoping we find out more about the dragon mother and why she said help me and not help us, and why her children were dragons but she was in human form. All very intriguing!

  • CHAPTER 21

    Athana’s Advice

     

    „Nothing could be further from my mind than to antagonize you, Athana,” Iraida said. “I just wanted to remind you that I am not easily manipulated or hoodwinked.”

    The silence th […]

    • Ahhh yes! The temperamental magic carpet! That is such a great inclusion. I’m also a bit of a sucker for objects that end up being little characters of their own.

    • Hi, Eva-Maria I enjoyed the scenes. I wonder if the art of divination will be important in the story. As a reader, I have no idea what that is, so give the reader a definition if it is going to be important later on. Also, are there reasons why the characters sometimes have two names? such as Sibyle= Kybele and Apollo =  Pheb Apollonov  There are lots of characters in your book, so adding more unless it is necessary confuses the reader. I had never heard of this term: daypack. Is it a smaller backpack. You used quite a bit of dialogue talking about it, so I assumed it was important to understand what it is. I have forgotten where they are going and Maryana had to ask Evie where they were going. You might want to refer to the destination just to keep your reader up to date. Good read. Thanks, Sharon

  • “So, pizza?” Kenji said again.

    “Still no. I’ll be conducting some research,” Maisie replied.

    “Research?”

    “Remember that gun safe?”

    “How could I forget?” Kenji shivered. She assumed he was being playful.

    “My m […]

    • And so the mystery deepens. I love the way you dole out these little trinkets, Becky, like the knife with the initials that could belong to Larry or Leo, it’s another clue in a nebulous story.

      I enjoyed the first scene with Kenji and then as Maisie drove through the snow to the library only to find the research librarian absent. The scene felt a little irrelevant, except to increase Maisie’s frustration and to contrast with the wonderful setting in the next scene as she reminisced with her Aunt and Uncle. You are so good at putting the reader inside Maisie’s thoughts, something I find to be such a struggle at times.

      You did such a great job writing about Frank’s Alzheimer’s, both his symptoms and Aunt Dianne and Maisie’s response to it. And your descriptions of setting are enviable, I could imagine myself in the little kitchen as they poured over the contents of the box.

      My curiosity is quite roused by your mystery, I can’t wait for next week to find out what happens next!

    • Hi Becky, this scene made excellent reading! I did recognize the basic outline from the first draft but somehow I had the feeling you added much more detail. I think that’s excellent! The way you compare people with Alzheimer’s and dementia to toddlers is accurate, but not belittling, and I think that’s marvelous. Did Leo play a part in the first draft? I don’t recall him. Clever to introduce a red herring. That way Maisie has two things to research until we find out the truth.
      In the talk with Kenji, there is the possibility to play around with the title of your book, at least to mention that phrase. I think it might be good to show why Maisie is so hell-bent on solving the mystery. That’s it’s not about what the message is but that it’s her dad’s final message to her. Looking forward to the next scenes!

    • Hi Becky!
      The first scene was so frustrating…after all Maisie went through! The weather adds atmosphere and serves to slow us down a bit, to consider. Glad Maisie knows how to drive on snow!

      second scene…
      Aunt Dianne doesn’t feel as helpful as she did on the phone…Iwonder how she feels not being in her apple kitchen? A little chat between them while waiting for Frank would help…she was so friendly on the phone and now feels a bit defensive…protective of Frank, but not forthcoming.
      since Frank wanted the box to go to Peter, wonder if it was being kept by Frank…Peter’s box, or if he wanted to give it to Peter? And what about the letters??
      One thing…here:
      Hmm…you know, I don’t recall. Wish I could at least tell you if it started with an R or not

      did she mean E instead of R? If it is anything other than E, does it matter?

      great writing, loved the teacups!

      G

    • I feel this chapter is an important one. It shows through the passing of time, especially with a person suffering from dementia, how so much is right there, just an inch or two out of reach. You did an especially good job conveying that in this chapter and I’m anxious to know whose knife it was and how Frank got to hold it and why he called it a box for Peter.

  • Bogdana and Profile picture of Carmen GeeCarmen Gee are now friends 2 weeks, 3 days ago

  • They had been trudging on in complete darkness for hours it seemed. In the beginning there had been happy chatter from the dragons but eventually even they fell silent. Now the only sound Evie heard were their own […]

    • Ooh, nice twist! And I loved your last line! Well done!

    • Hi Eva-Maria,
      super cool twist at the end… but there is a catch: not dead, just leave their material bodies behind. I am sure there is a “cloak room” for bodies HA HA HA.

      Loved the scene and the gentleness of the ghost dragon.

      See you next week.

      //Per

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Lauren Benere-Forder

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@lbenere-forder

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