Lauren Benere-Forder
,@lbenere-forder
Lauren Benere-Forder13
Friends
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Lauren Benere-Forder commented on the post, "Permanent" (Poison Pen Entry 5) by Lauren Benere-Forder 2 days, 17 hours ago
Thank you! I appreciate you taking the time to read.
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Lauren Benere-Forder commented on the post, TATTOO IS PERMANENT by claire 4 days, 13 hours ago
This is a heartwarming story. You make the MC conflicts and motivations believable. Thank you for sharing!
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Lauren Benere-Forder commented on the post, Permanent, by Seyi 4 days, 13 hours ago
Hello Seyi! Thank you for another visit whit the Minister of Power. I laughed and laughed throughout this story with the dark humor and biting satire–thank you for sharing!
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Lauren Benere-Forder commented on the post, "Permanent" (Poison Pen Entry 5) by Lauren Benere-Forder 4 days, 13 hours ago
Seyi, as always I appreciate you detailed and sensitive feedback. Thank you for taking the time to read, and I hope you are well!
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Lauren Benere-Forder commented on the post, Transient by A C Costa 4 days, 13 hours ago
What a fun story! I loved the voice you created for your protagonist–you encapsulate the judginess in us all. I also loved the details and cataloguing of the various items and settings–I felt like I was there. Nicely done!
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Lauren Benere-Forder commented on the post, "Permanent" (Poison Pen Entry 5) by Lauren Benere-Forder 4 days, 13 hours ago
Thank you! I appreciate you taking the time to read.
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Lauren Benere-Forder commented on the post, The Sign by Nissan Abadi 4 days, 14 hours ago
This story has some wonderful realism and you have a interesting interpretation of the prompt. I like how the story is bookended by Josef identifying his father, but as you revise I hope you’ll consider showing more–there was a lot of story to convey, so maybe focus on a smaller slice of this full life? Thank you for sharing.
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Lauren Benere-Forder commented on the post, "Permanent" (Poison Pen Entry 5) by Lauren Benere-Forder 4 days, 14 hours ago
It is not a true story, but I appreciate that it had the realism I was hoping for. Thank you for reading!
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Lauren Benere-Forder wrote a new post, "Permanent" (Poison Pen Entry 5) by Lauren Benere-Forder 6 days, 7 hours ago
When other people think of death, they always think hearing the news is the worst part first. Actors scream and cry dramatically. It’s not–you take some time before your brain even processes, let alone und […]
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Lauren Benere-Forder commented on the post, "Tempted" (Poison Pen Entry 4) by Lauren 6 days, 14 hours ago
Thank you for reading!
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Lauren Benere-Forder commented on the post, "Standard" by Lauren Benere-Forder 6 days, 14 hours ago
Thank you!
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Lauren Benere-Forder commented on the post, "Standard" by Lauren Benere-Forder 6 days, 14 hours ago
If poets don’t imagine a better world, who will?
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Lauren Benere-Forder commented on the post, "Standard" by Lauren Benere-Forder 6 days, 14 hours ago
Thank you!
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Lauren Benere-Forder commented on the post, "Standard" by Lauren Benere-Forder 6 days, 14 hours ago
Thank you! I agree.
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Lauren Benere-Forder commented on the post, Ethereal Thoughts by Caroline de Braganza 3 weeks, 5 days ago
Couldn’t agree more with this poem’s theme. You use sonnet form well here. Thank you for sharing!
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Lauren Benere-Forder commented on the post, Meeting Miss Jones’ Standard by Christian Donovan 3 weeks, 5 days ago
Your memories are strong here, which makes it easy for the reader to visualize and become a student with you. I especially liked how you put the teacher’s dialogue off to the side–it helped give the scene an even stronger shape. Thank you for sharing!
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Lauren Benere-Forder commented on the post, touchstones by nsbnina 3 weeks, 5 days ago
Thank you so much for putting my frustrations on this issue into words! Your use of alliteration and rhyme to mimic gunfire was especially powerful. Nicely done!
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Lauren Benere-Forder commented on the post, "Standard" by Lauren Benere-Forder 3 weeks, 5 days ago
I love to contemplate these ideas! Thank you for reading!
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Lauren Benere-Forder commented on the post, STANDARD Nissan Abadi 3 weeks, 5 days ago
I enjoyed this exploration of what is standard and non-standard. It was especially effective when you went to very short lines to list where happiness cannot be found. Thank you for sharing!
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Lauren Benere-Forder commented on the post, "Standard" by Lauren Benere-Forder 3 weeks, 5 days ago
Thanks Nissan. It was fun to imagine and live in that world for even a few minutes!
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Hi Lauren
Although not a true story (I hope), this is very touching. And the fact that death is not what people think, but a shocking recognition inside, is excruciating.
Very expressive, great work.
It is not a true story, but I appreciate that it had the realism I was hoping for. Thank you for reading!
Phew 😮💨… we’ll done Lauren. Excellent story telling. You’ve managed to write raw and deep. It’s very moving.
Thank you! I appreciate you taking the time to read.
Hey Lauren and honestly I can’t say enough good things about your storyline. The premise is rich and dark. You can take it for miles in many directions, following different characters. You are doing it justice with this plot line. The first paragraph may need a bit of tidying up though. That second sentence (Actors scream and cry dramatically,) slows things down and might be better placed elsewhere. Plus it seems to start out with an omniscient narrator then turns to first person? I really like the line ‘And my heart still doesn’t understand it, even if my head has gained some ground.‘ It feels very effective. You show your narrator’s pain very well, through her internal monologue and her eventual dialogue with Ruth. The line ‘Sammy had put a bullet in his head and killed my Cassie‘ may also need re-ordering (even if it’s retrospective, your readers might like to follow the correct sequence of events.) I hope you don’t mind all these suggestions and that they help a little. I really like the series and am already looking forward to more. Regards, Seyi
Seyi, as always I appreciate you detailed and sensitive feedback. Thank you for taking the time to read, and I hope you are well!
Hi Lauren,
this is a straight forward, moving, excellent piece. It moves forward with ease and honesty. It’s realistic in style and real in the way your narrator conveys her feelings. Superb writing.
Thank you! I appreciate you taking the time to read.