• Hi Elizabeth, Thank you for sharing your story. The interrogations through the story felt very real. Good conversational writing. You described the wife in detail, but I was also craving a little bit of physical description of Steven too. There was a nice flow to the story though, and I found it over before I wanted it to be. Well done. Happy…[Read more]

  • Hi Riana, Thank you for sharing your story. I was impressed by how seamlessly moved along the story from day to day. Each scene started fresh and flowed nicely with the past ones. There weren’t any places where I was lost. You descriptions are spot on. I felt connected to the main character. Well done overall. Good luck with your future writing. -Karisa

  • Not My Tragedy by Karisa Dubuque

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    I had opened the store a little late, but no one seemed to care about the small pet shop at the end of the block. I had set my clocks ahead ten minutes even, but it seemed as […]

    • Sweet & endearing story. I felt sorry for the poor fellow. You described your character quite well. I got a sense of him as a lonely, introverted widower without you having to state the obvious.

  • Thank you for sharing your work. I also enjoyed the humor of the story. We are all thinking it as we read it that Jim is being scammed, but it’s great that he turns it around to pean his friends. I did get a little confused at the last paragraph and who was talking, so had to re-read it a couple times before getting it. It’s a quick fix tho…[Read more]

  • Hi Nikky, Thank you for sharing your story. It was a pleasure to read. Your dialogue brings the characters to life, but fits well in this short space. The inner thoughts of the narrator are clear and easy to follow. I hope you write another one like it soon. Karisa.

  • Hi, thank you for sharing your story. I like that it’s a continuous story from before, stick with it. Your language is beautiful with some interesting metaphors and images. There were a few spots though that it seems like they are contradictory for the main character. It’s as if she’s not sure how she really feels about some of the things happe…[Read more]

  • Hi Dannie. Thank you for sharing your work. This is a charming piece. There are some places where grammar and maybe sentence structure could be edited, but that’s part of the writing process too. The story works well from Lynn’s point of view. Keep writing! Karisa

  • Bea-A trip of a lifetime By Karisa Dubuque

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    She had waited a long time and saved up all her money since she had been old enough to do odd jobs around her town to take the trip; not just the trip b […]

    • Beautiful story, Karisa. I enjoyed the detailed description of the train and Bea’s experience of leaving. It felt real and carried me away. You portrayed the close relationship with her mother well. Good build up of tension towards the end.
      Well done!

    • I like how the story went and the sudden twist when you introduced the reason for Bea’s leaving from home as a part of the exchange program and there would be another student at home!
      Keep writing!

    • I loved this story, I felt her emotions and her her mothers.

  • Hi Panagiotis, This is a very interesting story indeed. There were many types of characters that you begin to describe and name, but I found myself wanting to know more about the species and their functions on the Station. Specifically the main character Kodie would benefit from more development. To answer your question, yes, you should write more…[Read more]

  • Hi Laura, thank you for sharing this memory. You are precise in your details of the ballerinas and you had built up the tension of the show so that I thought something would go wrong during the performance, not after it. There were some plot timing things that I was curious about because you had mentioned that the mom’s were getting together for a…[Read more]

  • Hi Bronwen, This story feels like a part of a larger piece of work. Based on the comment by Amy, it seems that you’ve used the Esther character before too. She seemed well developed in this piece, but I thought it was interesting to see Philly’s reaction to her. I enjoyed the cliff hanger you left the story on, so I will be on the lookout for the…[Read more]

  • kmayque and Profile picture of FefibelaFefibela are now friends 2 months, 1 week ago

  • Thank you for sharing your tale. This starts out sad, but grows to a hopeful and sweet tale. Susan caught the only typo that you had. I found myself wanting, though for there to be more details about Frostbreath and Moondrop’s relationship. An expansion that isn’t restricted by word count would be a great way to take this. Happy writing for the…[Read more]

  • Thank you! I wanted to write a kids story for my daughter. Plus I think I will put it into my first zine.

  • Poppy Earns her Wings by kmayque

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    One day in the forest Poppy was walking home from fishing minnows in the river. 

    She had caught two fish and she was excited to eat them. 

    Suddenly, a small bird swooped d […]

  • Elizabeth,
    Thank you for sharing your story. It reads so easily and puts you into the scene immediately. I found myself wondering at their ages, because Carol is acting so childish, but Joyce is more like a mom towards her. Are they going with family or is it just the two of them? It’s great how it ends on a note of slight disappointment for the…[Read more]

  • Fizza, Thank you for sharing this story. I got cold chills when she went with her mom into the room and then again when she discovered what was inside. I actually found myself craving more details. What exactly was Ambreen doing when she first noticed the tattoo beginning? The home-like details of her mom doing dishes brought a good real-life…[Read more]

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kmayque

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@kmayque

Active 2 weeks, 1 day ago
Short Story balance: 12
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