Okay – you have piqued my curiosity – so you have to tell? – what are all the tropes in romance???
girl meets boy?
girl fights with boy?
girl makes up with boy?
am I on the right track?
Mel – this was waaay more difficult than I thought , but thanks for stretching me, I kinda , sorta enjoyed it ( well looking up manly bearded men for…[Read more]
the dialogue rich story really propels this forward at a rapid pace , I was speed reading by the time this ended.
My only critique is that perhaps in the dialogue you could’ve worked in more of Dan Steeve’s character?
We get a glimpse that he is not coping , and is becoming unhinged when he utters an expletive about remembering the date but…[Read more]
🤣🤣 – had a good laugh at this – guaranteed it happened in some household in the world for real.😅
on the constructive critiquing bit – you kept saying Jennies as if in the possessive – if your intention is to spell Jennie and not Jenny then an apostrophe is in order : Jennie’s .
also exclamation marks are overkill, the capital letters also. let…[Read more]
This was such a feel-good fantasy – am sure Granny would’ve approved.
I could easily see this becoming part of a cosy-mysteries series – the adventures of this maiden girl, becoming ,with each adventure, more confident , more brazen – something to explore for sure.
in terms of technical, try avoiding too much repetition of Granny, and the…[Read more]
Hola Seyi and how goes it?
I’m with June on this one – in the hands of a lesser writer, your huge cast of characters would create confusion, sully the waters more than what the p$$ does to the hyacinths in your story – but you manage to make it clear and concise while still imbuing shedloads of character and vibe. It is your superhero-writing…[Read more]
pacy, racy, ghosty – love it!
your critique is absolutely very helpful indeed Megan. I fixated on the weather to try establish that ” it was a dark and stormy night ” – vibe – the ghostly element – but hearing you voice it, I have to totally agree, I needed the words elsewhere and can lose it.
Great critique – Thank you
jooooo – this was horrible to read, you brought tears to my eyes just visualizing this. Powerful, disturbing, horrendous , brilliant storytelling .
on the technical side:
I believe you could lose your opening para and start with the bunkmate waiting for her. In fact, start with ‘what happened’ – that hook will draw curious…[Read more]
I think drawing this conclusion out is not as successful as your first installment , last month – there is a lot of repetition from the previous episode and the telling in this is passive. I didn’t get the same tension and dread as in your first story. I think the issue is you’ve ‘over-told’ the story now and it might read better…[Read more]
not bad at all. In fact, this could be the kickstart to a dark series involving all sorts of illicit stuff. Exciting!
The names are creative – how did you come up with them?
interesting …showing Harker on the receiving end of being dumped – although, sadly, I could not drum up any sympathy for him ? 🤔
the one thing that…[Read more]
I found this tough to read – so that in itself tells you, you did a good job writing this.
I also felt like escaping this intolerable prison that Mama finds herself – constructed by 2 girls who need her , both in their own ways, and to whom she has a responsibility.
It is quite stifling and you did well to convey that essense. I loved the…[Read more]
a valid message for everyone, to be sure.
I was a little confused by the changes in POV , – clearly it was done deliberately but I found it disconcerting – too on the nose and obvious …especially the omniscient interruption in the middle of your narrative. Think it might carry greater impact if you kept to the man’s well-intentioned but…[Read more]
I found this quite compelling.
definitely don’t agree with your assessment of ‘soft and gentle story ‘ – unless you were being ‘ironic’
The violence towards the young novitiate was graphic and visceral. you portrayed the Captains’ ever-icreasing fury well.
here and there you could omit some repetitive words ie nunnery , treason , on her…[Read more]
there is a disjointedness to this which I think perfectly mirrors the poor woman’s state of terror after her ordeal.
It is quite astonishing that she can still appear to function somewhat ‘normally’ and get herself help.
I thought the gentle guy – Gabe- was a nice counter-point to her scrambled thoughts – a calm in the sea of chaos.
Yea…not sure I do romance well…its way more difficult than it looks! Give me fantasy anyday ,although I think I retained a little fantastical element.
Melanie Delaney challenged me to try…so this is the attempt.
I dont quite know where the line is between ‘bodice-ripping’ (which I dont think this is) to what is ‘cosy-romance’.…[Read more]
awwww 💕💕you do ROMANCE so well!! You aced this.
really, this is lovely!! really very sweet. Your mom would be so proud ! 🤗
I love how the mundane becomes their little ‘flirtation’ – thank god for Audrey taking the initiative, however, otherwise they would STILL be riding the bus , each alone 😁
typo in ‘here’ – her
only thing I’m not…[Read more]
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Membership Level: 12 Short Stories in 12 Months