• one-night spook ! mwahahahaha – gets me every time 🤣🤣🤣
    maybe I can turn it into a horror where this spook sets about seducing every lonely woman that comes into the bookstore? 🤔….hehehehe

  • Thanks Elizabeth – appreciate you pointing out the good bits 🤗

  • Thanks Sorchia
    aaahhh, no – definitely not the same thing 😂. I DO fantasy (thats why I liked yours !.😊) …romance nah. but this was a good exercise – and its tricky!
    Thanks for reading me, appreciate it!

  • Thanks Matt

    haha – you got me, I’m also not big on reading romance – this was a challenge issued to me by Mel to try my hand at it. damn difficult if you ask me 😉
    Thanks for stopping by – appreciate it

  • Okay – you have piqued my curiosity – so you have to tell? – what are all the tropes in romance???
    girl meets boy?
    girl fights with boy?
    girl makes up with boy?
    am I on the right track?

    Mel – this was waaay more difficult than I thought , but thanks for stretching me, I kinda , sorta enjoyed it ( well looking up manly bearded men for…[Read more]

  • the dialogue rich story really propels this forward at a rapid pace , I was speed reading by the time this ended.

    My only critique is that perhaps in the dialogue you could’ve worked in more of Dan Steeve’s character?
    We get a glimpse that he is not coping , and is becoming unhinged when he utters an expletive about remembering the date but…[Read more]

  • 🤣🤣 – had a good laugh at this – guaranteed it happened in some household in the world for real.😅

    on the constructive critiquing bit – you kept saying Jennies as if in the possessive – if your intention is to spell Jennie and not Jenny then an apostrophe is in order : Jennie’s .
    also exclamation marks are overkill, the capital letters also. let…[Read more]

  • This was such a feel-good fantasy – am sure Granny would’ve approved.

    I could easily see this becoming part of a cosy-mysteries series – the adventures of this maiden girl, becoming ,with each adventure, more confident , more brazen – something to explore for sure.

    in terms of technical, try avoiding too much repetition of Granny, and the…[Read more]

  • 🤗 – writing is an act of courage – and folly. Enjoy it all ! 😁

  • Kim commented on the post, It happened by Seyi 1 day, 2 hours ago

    Hola Seyi and how goes it?

    I’m with June on this one – in the hands of a lesser writer, your huge cast of characters would create confusion, sully the waters more than what the p$$ does to the hyacinths in your story – but you manage to make it clear and concise while still imbuing shedloads of character and vibe. It is your superhero-writing…[Read more]

  • pacy, racy, ghosty – love it!

    your critique is absolutely very helpful indeed Megan. I fixated on the weather to try establish that ” it was a dark and stormy night ” – vibe – the ghostly element – but hearing you voice it, I have to totally agree, I needed the words elsewhere and can lose it.

    Great critique – Thank you
    😚

  • Hi Paulie

    jooooo – this was horrible to read, you brought tears to my eyes just visualizing this. Powerful, disturbing, horrendous , brilliant storytelling .

    on the technical side:
    I believe you could lose your opening para and start with the bunkmate waiting for her. In fact, start with ‘what happened’ – that hook will draw curious…[Read more]

  • Hi Elizabeth

    I think drawing this conclusion out is not as successful as your first installment , last month – there is a lot of repetition from the previous episode and the telling in this is passive. I didn’t get the same tension and dread as in your first story. I think the issue is you’ve ‘over-told’ the story now and it might read better…[Read more]

  • Hi Bene

    not bad at all. In fact, this could be the kickstart to a dark series involving all sorts of illicit stuff. Exciting!

    The names are creative – how did you come up with them?

    interesting …showing Harker on the receiving end of being dumped – although, sadly, I could not drum up any sympathy for him ? 🤔

    the one thing that…[Read more]

  • I found this tough to read – so that in itself tells you, you did a good job writing this.
    I also felt like escaping this intolerable prison that Mama finds herself – constructed by 2 girls who need her , both in their own ways, and to whom she has a responsibility.
    It is quite stifling and you did well to convey that essense. I loved the…[Read more]

  • a valid message for everyone, to be sure.

    I was a little confused by the changes in POV , – clearly it was done deliberately but I found it disconcerting – too on the nose and obvious …especially the omniscient interruption in the middle of your narrative. Think it might carry greater impact if you kept to the man’s well-intentioned but…[Read more]

  • I found this quite compelling.

    definitely don’t agree with your assessment of ‘soft and gentle story ‘ – unless you were being ‘ironic’

    The violence towards the young novitiate was graphic and visceral. you portrayed the Captains’ ever-icreasing fury well.

    here and there you could omit some repetitive words ie nunnery , treason , on her…[Read more]

  • there is a disjointedness to this which I think perfectly mirrors the poor woman’s state of terror after her ordeal.
    It is quite astonishing that she can still appear to function somewhat ‘normally’ and get herself help.
    I thought the gentle guy – Gabe- was a nice counter-point to her scrambled thoughts – a calm in the sea of chaos.

    well…[Read more]

  • Tx Seyi
    Yea…not sure I do romance well…its way more difficult than it looks! Give me fantasy anyday ,although I think I retained a little fantastical element.
    Melanie Delaney challenged me to try…so this is the attempt.
    I dont quite know where the line is between ‘bodice-ripping’ (which I dont think this is) to what is ‘cosy-romance’.…[Read more]

  • awwww 💕💕you do ROMANCE so well!! You aced this.
    really, this is lovely!! really very sweet. Your mom would be so proud ! 🤗

    I love how the mundane becomes their little ‘flirtation’ – thank god for Audrey taking the initiative, however, otherwise they would STILL be riding the bus , each alone 😁

    typo in ‘here’ – her

    only thing I’m not…[Read more]

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