a great satisfying read, though probably not as satisfying as for your lead Robyn😊
I enjoyed how you sowed those little seeds of discord and the contempt that had crept in , in the intervening 2 years , it makes everything that follows credible
this reads as an outline for a potential WIP that you are considering – hopefully you will take it on and flesh it out.
in this you have given us the opening scene and introduced the main character(s) – clearly the house will be considered a living, sentient presence
this manor house wants it story told ! so I do hope to see future…[Read more]
Kim commented on the post, Inheritance (from wip "Cracked") by Georgiana Nelsen 6 days, 15 hours ago
am I missing out !!!- you doing this in 52S??!! – so now I cant follow this totally engrossing family drama!
Its hard to crit when I cannot follow the thread so purely whats in front of me :
check some typos & missing words :
who became used me as a bargaining chip.
He handed her (me) the box.
It appears you were in a rush…[Read more]
I am really intrigued, is there more,a continuation or previous installments?.
I think you captured the simmering tension btwn the sisters perfectly . The contrast in their personalities has been clearly delineated and sets up the story for some great future conflict
Its clear you’ve spent time on your world building so I assume…[Read more]
Another highly entertaining read.
your prose is crisp and well written and your characters vivid and easily visualized .
the only note : I would substitute some of the generic ‘he’ pronouns with the actual names,particularly in the scene after Gibson’s introduction to remove any ambiguity at all .
great story Susan
I really liked the premise of this, just felt that you could’ve tightened up /omitted some of the beginning and really get into it where she is surveying the farm and all on it – that there is really the start of the story, and I would love to read more of that going forward – her reaction, and then what happens thereafter, does she end up…[Read more]
Pity the word count was so short on this one – I am assuming this is either a WIP or you intend to continue with it in future?
You have a curious style – especially in this piece of a crime procedural – of utilizing your signature lyrical prose ( we discussed this once) – I am unconvinced it fits in this genre and with this…[Read more]
Definitely weird, in a good way,and I can see you’ve been experimenting: there seems to be more behind the imagery created than the actual meaning of the words.
I’m not sure what your story is behind the story- and it does read as a story , but I do like the turns of phrases: “she disappeared with a slow gulp’made me laugh :…[Read more]
Kim commented on the post, Dali’s The Persistence of Memory by Elizabeth Strehl 4 weeks ago
The words and format of your piece echos the haunting,mad ,surrealist quality of Dali’s work. I wish you had incl the image tho for easy ref.
The ‘or’ at the end breaks the flow for me however. I would go for one or the other and not incl both interpretations . It breaks the seamless , dream-nightmarish like quality and intrudes too much by…[Read more]
I loved this.
Its dark and macabre- and deeply unsettling, exactly like the painting.
I really like the way you twist the perspective ,so that we are forced to entertain the notion that it is indeed a cross to bear for Saturn and the burden falls on him to eradicate the evils spawned by the woman.
I wish I could write a story with this shift…[Read more]
Kim commented on the post, "Portrait: An UnknownWoman and a Well-known Cat" by Amana 1 month ago
this was hilarious – I loved the to and fro , as if in dialogue, between the two characters – and the matching cone to her hat thingy (what is that called??) is just genius.
I agree, the cat doesn’t look like he’s about to play nice at all
this is really good Glen!
you literally painted a story with your words, I’m not generally a fan of Picasso’s work , probably because he was quite a sod , but you made this one come alive for me and I was there with these musos in the Parisian bar , smelling the ciggy smoke, nodding in time to the beat and nursing my whiskey.
a well thought out work – bravo!
you’ve crafted this so expertly , I was really into the story behind the painting, which I am not familiar with at all.
the woman in blue had seriously long and strong-looking arms , I imagine it must be quite difficult to behead someone…hmm now my mind is going into all dark and murderous territory !
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