• Loved the humour in this – I cackled a few times while reading. So Brady seems like the most normal out of the dudes – Geo is just plain ass-freakin’ crazy.

    Agree the line about goth-girl – in the greater scheme of your story – doesnt add any value. you have more than enough action going on elsewhere to not need that line.

    loved the ‘ they…[Read more]

  • 🤣🤣🤣

  • Kim posted a new activity comment 2 hours, 54 minutes ago

    okay, let me know when its loaded and I’ll re-read

  • this was intriguing to say the least.
    you bring us into the scene after the violence has been committed , but it still hangs in the air – as you say so succinctly, like a bad smell. and then before the next act of violence is committed you take the reader out of it and we are brought back into the story after the fact – again. I am curious as…[Read more]

  • Hi June

    it reads real because it is real. right!
    who hasnt experienced this ?? – and yes, I feel your protagonist – since when is disestablished even a ‘thing’?? (really? is that what they call it now? I’ve been out the game awhile so dont know the lingo anymore…)

    loved your protagonist, can just feel her sass waiting to reign supreme -…[Read more]

  • hey – you weren’t paying attention – there are plenty smells in this piece …😉

  • Hi Adam

    another interesting read. I like the quirky of this.
    so this mate goes round to all the emergency rooms and waits until he gets a name, and then attends said funeral (if any is forthcoming?) – so is that why the nurse looks familiar and not just a deja vu thing ?

    Never heard the expression before : sparking her to say – is that an…[Read more]

  • hahahaha – not sure if “Juicy sex’ falls under the trope of Romance …or porn 😂😂- I’ll have to ask Mel Delaney …😁

    off to find yours now …

  • well, okay …like your reply :
    “on how to you the world in” – what does this mean ?
    If I may ask – what is your home language – is it NOT English?
    another from your story :
    ” I was called to get Khari or information from you I thought it finally happened” – you might mean… ” I was called to extract Khari from your clutches” ( I have no idea…[Read more]

  • ps I think the Matriach is a particularly interesting character – she has her own demons to contend with as well as keeping her dysfunctional family together. Kinda reminds me of the current Queen of England….

  • This Is Us is brilliant – yes! I can see that premise working in this context . this will be an exciting project. Think a few prompts might be needed though. agree with you 1000 words is nothing to work with – the next one: 2500 words gives you way more room for juicy story arcs. I will definitely stay tuned so give it your best , as always 🧡

  • this is useful thanks, although I think the tropes for romance could easily be as long as the many varied plotlines that exist in telling them! 😆

    deal – police thriller it is then. whenever you’re ready xx

  • Hi Amrita

    this is a family drama straight out of the Bold and the Beautiful.

    I am still a bit confused by all the different family members – I feel the need to sketch a family tree so I can tell who is whose child/grandchild etc
    I got that the matriarch is Yazadi – Rafiz is her son in-law , her own daughter is the one who suffered the…[Read more]

  • aaahhh – now I get it. That’s an awesome compliment then, Thank you!
    off to read yours now 🤗

  • Hi Anglique

    I recall reading the 1st installment – in the comment bar you can put that this is a continuation so that readers know to follow your series.

    Your grammar and spelling make this difficult to follow – please spend time on proofreading your work before submitting. it is a pity because you have a great premise for a story here.

    I…[Read more]

  • wow Barbara

    this is going to be one of my favourites this month!
    this was so poignant , the grief absolute and tangible.
    I too, have no constructive notes to give, other than your story gripped me from the get-go and I was sobbing along with your MC at the end, feeling every inch of fury, and grief as he, himself did.

    Brilliant writing…[Read more]

  • Hi Megan

    I was wondering where this pleasant story was going – you spent a lot of time with the build-up, getting us comfortable and setting the scene – all very well executed.
    The description of her sister-in-law was perfect – loved that characterisation!

    my one niggle was when she was identifying the people in the pic – would she label…[Read more]

  • Thanks Amrita

    I had to look up synaesthetic – and I am still none the wiser ? – what does it mean, exactly?
    yea – I have decided that Janice saw loverboy but doesnt know this spook is seducing lonely women in the bookstore . This story might just evolve into something else entirely 😁
    always appreciate you stopping by for a read mwah!…[Read more]

  • yea, apparently I was definitely heavy-handed with the cliches – I need to research the tropes more.
    That man, sexy as he is – I found on Pinterest – have NO IDEA who he is, but he’s nice hey? 😉

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