• a great satisfying read, though probably not as satisfying as for your lead Robyn😊
    I enjoyed how you sowed those little seeds of discord and the contempt that had crept in , in the intervening 2 years , it makes everything that follows credible

    nice work

  • Hi Janet

    this reads as an outline for a potential WIP that you are considering – hopefully you will take it on and flesh it out.
    in this you have given us the opening scene and introduced the main character(s) – clearly the house will be considered a living, sentient presence
    this manor house wants it story told ! so I do hope to see future…[Read more]

  • Damn Georgi

    am I missing out !!!- you doing this in 52S??!! – so now I cant follow this totally engrossing family drama!

    Its hard to crit when I cannot follow the thread so purely whats in front of me :
    check some typos & missing words :
    who became used me as a bargaining chip.
    He handed her (me) the box.
    It appears you were in a rush…[Read more]

  • Hi Susan
    No, busy with a few writing competitions, just no time now

  • Great scene
    I am really intrigued, is there more,a continuation or previous installments?.
    I think you captured the simmering tension btwn the sisters perfectly . The contrast in their personalities has been clearly delineated and sets up the story for some great future conflict
    Its clear you’ve spent time on your world building so I assume…[Read more]

  • Another highly entertaining read.
    your prose is crisp and well written and your characters vivid and easily visualized .
    the only note : I would substitute some of the generic ‘he’ pronouns with the actual names,particularly in the scene after Gibson’s introduction to remove any ambiguity at all .

    great story Susan

  • I really liked the premise of this, just felt that you could’ve tightened up /omitted some of the beginning and really get into it where she is surveying the farm and all on it – that there is really the start of the story, and I would love to read more of that going forward – her reaction, and then what happens thereafter, does she end up…[Read more]

  • Hi Catherine

    Pity the word count was so short on this one – I am assuming this is either a WIP or you intend to continue with it in future?

    You have a curious style – especially in this piece of a crime procedural – of utilizing your signature lyrical prose ( we discussed this once) – I am unconvinced it fits in this genre and with this…[Read more]

  • great critique Sudha

  • This was a lovely trip down memory lane,thanks for taking us on the journey with you!🤗

  • Hi Chantelle

    Definitely weird, in a good way,and I can see you’ve been experimenting: there seems to be more behind the imagery created than the actual meaning of the words.

    I’m not sure what your story is behind the story- and it does read as a story , but I do like the turns of phrases: “she disappeared with a slow gulp’made me laugh :…[Read more]

  • Kim commented on the post, Brianna Is by Marcena 4 weeks ago

    A powerful message . I like how you encourage your dsughter to express all her feelings of self-worth in the therapeutic work of journaling. Xxx

  • The words and format of your piece echos the haunting,mad ,surrealist quality of Dali’s work. I wish you had incl the image tho for easy ref.

    The ‘or’ at the end breaks the flow for me however. I would go for one or the other and not incl both interpretations . It breaks the seamless , dream-nightmarish like quality and intrudes too much by…[Read more]

  • I loved this.
    Its dark and macabre- and deeply unsettling, exactly like the painting.
    I really like the way you twist the perspective ,so that we are forced to entertain the notion that it is indeed a cross to bear for Saturn and the burden falls on him to eradicate the evils spawned by the woman.
    I wish I could write a story with this shift…[Read more]

  • oh wow – I’m now reading on my laptop (previously on my cell which doesn’t do any justice to the artworks at all ) – and have only now seen the faces in the trees! so clever!

  • excellent synergy with the haiku form

    those waves do look quite sinister 😁

    very well done !

  • this was hilarious – I loved the to and fro , as if in dialogue, between the two characters – and the matching cone to her hat thingy (what is that called??) is just genius.

    I agree, the cat doesn’t look like he’s about to play nice at all

    loved this!

  • this is really good Glen!

    you literally painted a story with your words, I’m not generally a fan of Picasso’s work , probably because he was quite a sod , but you made this one come alive for me and I was there with these musos in the Parisian bar , smelling the ciggy smoke, nodding in time to the beat and nursing my whiskey.
    lovely!

  • a well thought out work – bravo!
    you’ve crafted this so expertly , I was really into the story behind the painting, which I am not familiar with at all.

    the woman in blue had seriously long and strong-looking arms , I imagine it must be quite difficult to behead someone…hmm now my mind is going into all dark and murderous territory !

  • Hi there

    I was really into being spirited away by the waves and then the spell was broken with the stench of dead fish 😖🥴

    loved the rhyme and cadence in this piece!

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Kim

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Active 6 days, 15 hours ago
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