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  • Sorry to add. I just reread your note about coffee vs chicory in your comments on my scene and it reminded me of coffee vs tea in yours. I don’t drink either and think of both as hot, distasteful, brown sources of caffeine, so I didn’t understand at first why Tomi would offer tea in lieu of coffee because to me they are more alike than…[Read more]

  • Kathy Sanford posted a new activity comment 1 day, 2 hours ago

    Thanks for all your comments, Marilyn. I will mark them all on my draft, as I always do. I’ve heard of hoagie rolls in my life time and I wasn’t born until very late in 1959,_but I don’t remember when or in what part of the country, lol!

  • Hi, Georgiana. I read this with my heart in my throat because of the storm, especially with the hint that it could still get worse before it gets better.

    James seems to have quite a bit of medical and pharmaceutical knowledge. I can’t remember whether there’s been something in his backstory to explain that.

    Typical dog people, letting a wet…[Read more]

  • Hi, Marilyn. I liked the pacing of this. A lot is happening. Poor Tomi, this is a lot to absorb all in one day. Will Ash show up with some words of wisdom?

    James’ reaction to Maggie’s death felt very real, enhanced by the hum of hospital noises around him. I’m not sure if you need to tell us twice about him being in a trance. His actions show…[Read more]

  • Tiffany, Terri and Red huddled around Red’s kitchen table.  Warmth from the oven where she was baking lasagna overcame the drafts seeping in from around the house’s aged windows and door.  Sally lay curled in a […]

    • Hi Kathy,

      Cilla made a good entrance as the antagonist. The scene is well-written, and I liked the smell of the lasagna; too bad it burnt 😛
      While reading it, I was confused about the past references since I haven’t read your previous work.
      Still, I appreciate Red’s easy-going attitude. It would be interesting to read about her character development through the story.
      I enjoyed the scene of the man with binoculars and the two sisters as it gives a good sense of how each of them is.
      Good job!

    • Quite a story! I thought the main thrust was losing the land, but then you reintroduce Cilla–brilliant. It is an contrast that the place was supposed to be a dog refuge, but everyone now seems to be pretty much out for themselves. It will be interesting to play with these ideas going forward along with the environmental consideration.. Liked the dialogue–very realistic…

  • Preston crept along the narrow strip of sand along the back channel, rifle slung over his shoulder and suitcase in hand. Trying to keep his feet dry was getting trickier by the minute; this path had looked much […]

    • Oh Kathy! the way the storm is coming in is so realistic, with the locals gathered to see it do something new and different. Crazy islanders!
      I am surprised and happy that Red is turning out to be Terri’s hero… even though she certainly has her obstacles. At least she called Donnie and Billy before falling into the pit! And hopefully her phone made it down there with her!

      Am very pleased Fletcher made it home, and that Ruby nudged Bob into worrying. I’ve tried to bicycle on sand like that….great job describing how impossible it is. And fwiw, i had no trouble with Preston’s trip to the marina. I knew he wasn’t going to be able to get to a boat. Now I wonder if he’s headed for the lighthouse!
      Can’t wait to read more. This has been a great adventure!
      G

  • Elise, it took me a long time to understand POV when writing in third person, and I’m not sure I always get it right, either. I think it’s trickier with thoughts than it with actions.

  • Zebra’s a cooler name for it, lol!

  • Hi, Carolyn. Nice to have Henry’s POV and through that some insights into his mother. His feelings toward Robin are somewhat conflicted, empathetic at times and frustrated at other times. I think you slip between past and present tense a time or two, but that’s easily fixed. Leaving us aware of a mysterious plan makes it worthwhile to keep reading.

  • Laura, what a delightful first date. I like how you are sprinkling in some of Sarah’s backstory little by little, without a hint of “telling.” The time references at the beginning confused me a little, until I realized she was super-early. Funny how she was only going to give him 10 more minutes at 10 minutes before their meeting time. Good…[Read more]

  • Uh oh, I finish this with a sense of foreboding. Nell’s logic is easy to follow but dangerous. You’ve done a good job of showing her attraction to him. The herpes issue was dropped a little abruptly; did it change anything between them? I would also like to know a little more about when Abby found out about the relationship, how she reacted, etc.…[Read more]

  • Hi, Laura. I love how she first narrowed her list of suspects down and is now broadening it based on the documents. Starting with her bio was a great way to tell us more about her. I feel like I’m really getting to know her. Love the nicknames on the index cards and the cliffhanger ending. Great scene, nothing here tripped me up.

  • Hi,Sylvia. I feel much empathy for Eve and intensely dislike Airith and Lily. Comparing Joe to an actor was very fitting as he doesn’t seem to have an original thought of his own. It feels as if Lily and Airith are pulling his strings and I wonder why.

    My only question is about her crossing the street at a zebra. Is that an auto-complete or…[Read more]

  • This is so intriguing, and the imagery so vivid. At the very beginning I wondered if the king would really think of his young daughter’s (or his own) lips as sensuous. It felt a little creepier than I think you intended.

    I think you could tighten up the two sentences at the beginning of the paragraph where the king’s eyes darken and he muses.…[Read more]

  • Thanks, Sudha! I’ll have to keep working on making Red’s change of heart more believable.

  • Thanks, Sudha! I guess I imagined Billy giving Red some leeway because they grew up together but maybe he should get exasperated with her and tell her to sit down. Donnie’s waiting for Red. I only recently determined Cilla’s age. When she first appears on the island I think I used an age gap as the reason Red didn’t know Preston had a sister.…[Read more]

  • So many things are happening! We finally know how David died, but don’t know the killer’s identity. We know more about Enrico and maybe his clandestine activities explain Maria’s odd behavior and some of strange things that have happened at the B&B, but we don’t know if he’s involved with the cartel or why the killer seemed to listen to him. Who…[Read more]

  • Oh, Brianna, she just can’t help trying to think better of Liam than he deserves yet she gets annoyed with James for saying they are stuck there -which seemed to me like a perfectly normal thing to say. She seemed so capable at the beginning but a little spacey here. Maybe the situation would do that to anyone. Is it in character for her to worry…[Read more]

  • No need to apologize! “That” is on my list, too, and I always find a bunch of them.

  • The weather changed overnight, reminding the inhabitants of both Lighthouse Island and nearby Hilton Head that despite the palm trees and recent balminess, it was still February.  Cilla shivered and thanked Saint […]

    • Hi Kathy, i love that there’s so much going on! I like Cilla in between, she adds to the action. I also like the comments. And I like the beginning.

      My suggestion would be for the comments, to give more weight to John M.’s comment about the paper. I was thinking to let the next comment not say I imagine so but it doesn’t matter, but something like, Yes, of course it’s their land. I’ve lived here my whole life. >> to give the reader an extra hint. Although it might not be super necessary because Red is already alarmed. And Cilla is googling John M. too. :-))

      Really like the action!!! And Sally as the poster dog!! <3

    • Hi Kathy,
      I’m starting to get a feeling for the locale, and the claustrophobic busy body-ness of the people who live there. I’ve been on that block– small arenas certainly seem to foment nosy opinions.
      I like the way you give your characters room to be themselves, and they all come off quite realistically. Red especially clearly refuses to be any other way than herself!
      And you’re successfully parceling out plot details to keep the reader interested. My suggestion is to not end the phone call with Donnie so abruptly. It seems to me that Red should have a last response to what he was telling her.
      Oh, and I love the title of the Scene!
      Best,
      Elise

    • Hello Kathy,
      I’m still trying to figure out the main character and main conflict of the story – is this about Cilla or Red’s land?
      Your sentence “had been badly burned by Cilla’s brother” could be stronger – Didn’t Red go to jail because of her illegal activities with Preston? This is an opportunity for a memory/flashback that can provide the reader with some of Red’s history.
      Also, I seem to remember that Teri and Bob had some kind of career in environmental or land?
      Thank you for sharing! Carolyn

    • Hi Kathy,

      The engaging format gives the reader more information and generates conflict in the story; well done! I would like to see the importance of Cilla in the story soon as she is the one creating the collateral strife here. And, I didn’t get this line, “… had been badly burned by Cilla’s brother a few years prior.” A little bit of backstory could help to clarify.
      The story goes great; I’m interested to know more about the characters.

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Kathy Sanford

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@kfsanford

Active 18 hours, 15 minutes ago
Short Story : 0
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