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  • Calm transformation

    This power-filled fragility

    Not limited by tradition

    Only by a sky of captured dreams

    Lifted by the weight

    of her mother’s wisdom

    as she floats above her rootedness

    Through her perfect storm. 

  • Lexi gives me a lot of freedom of expression. I’m enormously fond of her errant ways.

  • I am seeing so many parallels in our stories and am having to constantly check that my story isn’t being drawn from its tracks, by the power of yours.
    However, I’m increasingly realising that it’s the same country, same time, similar awareness but vastly different outcomes.

  • Lord, this is chilling. Masterfully captured. Horrific. VIvid. This is some of the best writing I’ve read from you. Well done.
    Please tell me there is some release from the misery, coming soon?

  • A truly powerful scene. I love how you capture a book lover’s ingrained knowledge of theh size, smell and position of a particular book. My most beloved books would be recognisable to me by touch and smell, equal to the power of their words.
    Wonderfully evocative writing.

  • Ooh. Ouch. Horrible. Terrifying on every level. I love Beth’s feedback and can only echo that.
    I like how you have her dissociating – both here when there’s trauma and in your next scene when she is falling asleep. Will we watch this habit move from a place of joy when she’s younger, to desperate comfort as her life unravels?

  • Your closing lines are magical.
    Have you considered delving down a bit regarding Neil Aggett’s death and its effect on her? I suspect that the pre-knowledge may be possessed by too few readers Even if they know who he is and the circumstances surrounding his death, why this particular incident that sparks her thinking? What makes it different…[Read more]

  • A small technical detail on the dowsing description. You say he holds the two shorter ends (the Y of the stick) close to his belly, but you don’t say that the rest of the stick is parallel to the ground, With this description it could be vertical.
    It becomes evident later on, but you asked for feedback on this specifically.
    I’d also add how he…[Read more]

  • I can’t add much to the comments below. In earlier feedback, I mentioned the confusion with all the myriad characters. I like that you’re now expanding on them which makes it easier to follow.

  • Easy reading, easy flow.
    Perhaps relook the hollow pit in the stomach that has waves churning in it – it feels mixed metaphor-ish.
    At the end, it becomes a hollow heart. Could do with some tightening up and it ONLY stands out because the rest of your writing is so slick.

  • I agree with Bev, this flows very comfortably. You are building up a special intimacy, very subtly and make the reader want to keep turning the pages to see how the various conflicts are resolved.

  • Father Christmas should have died in my head when I walked into mommy and daddy’s bedroom a few years ago and saw daddy dressing up in a red suit.
    “What are you doing?” I asked.
    Well I think that’s how it happene […]

    • She is so charming and original. I love how you handle traditional subject matter with Emma’s twist. And I adore the idea of ‘complicated salads’.

    • Christmas in summer. I cannot even imagine it.

      Can Lexi be my pastor? Please??? I love her theology.

      Good job, Karin.

  • Everybody wants to be chosen, don’t they? I do. I hate not being chosen.

    Mom and Dad say that they chose us to be their children which is nice but like a lot of things that they say, I’m not too sure how true it […]

    • “You just have to suck it up and love what’s in your lap.” That made me laugh out loud.

      Lex has a very logical mind. I think she should be a scientist or engineer when she grows up.

      Using a child’s voice enables you to explore subjects like racial and ethnic divisions in a way an adult voice would not. Lex can take us deeper than an adult could. So she’s proving to be a wise choice.

    • Once again you have made such fluid connections between the personal and political. And once again this is my childhood I remember. Lovely writing.

      • I am seeing so many parallels in our stories and am having to constantly check that my story isn’t being drawn from its tracks, by the power of yours.
        However, I’m increasingly realising that it’s the same country, same time, similar awareness but vastly different outcomes.

    • Being chosen is a very important feeling for children. I love how you use thus universal feeling to explore social and political themes. Very entertaining for such heavy subjects!

  • I love it when people point out potential anomalies in my story, so I hope you do, too.
    Your writing remains good and clear, so it’s probably pointless to mention that every week?
    It seems a little odd to me that she’d have money to buy second hand equipment as well as stocks AND take her children to various drive-throughs in the name of…[Read more]

  • There is so much that I love about this scene, I’m not quite sure where to start.
    You’ve managed to create magnificent tension: I loved the image of the footsteps being an alarm – any woman who has been vulnerable at any point, will relate. It’s that survival instinct of which you speak.

  • People do strange things at weddings – mom explained them all to me because we were going to Diane’s wedding and she told daddy that I needed to understand these things for my own wedding one day. There’s a long […]

    • She gets a diamond that costs him three month’s salary. That’s so that if he dies or he leaves her, she can sell her ring and have food for a while until she finds a job.”
      God, at last someone’s come up with something that resembles a logical explanation for that “rule.” Thank you.

      This is definitely not as bad as you think it is. It’s a draft of a very cute scene. I found the numbering not quite working for me, but I’m not sure why. I think some of the passages were so long I forgot there were numbers and then, whoops, one would appear.

      You’ll smooth out the rough edges on this in your next draft. That’s why God invented drafts. And some of our scenes need more sanding than others. But honestly, this one’s not as bad as you fear.

  • That, of course, along with my usual praise for your fine writing. Take that as a given every time.

  • You’re still maintaining the tension between the couple really well.
    For some reason, I am not ‘feeling’ the therapist’s competence. I’m seeing someone bumbling and a little overwhelmed. Not that it’s a problem, just thought I’d put it out there.
    Is she still with Mark at this point, or is this retrospective therapy?

  • I have wondered what they’d say if they read it. Not sure I have the courage to share.

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Karin P

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@karinp

Active 1 day, 7 hours ago
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