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  • HI Jennifer – It’s exactly the response I wanted – thank you. . . . Finn is a beautiful 10 year old girl. Looking back he was never a boy, she was always a girl. She came out to her parents 3 years ago, and fortunately they live in Sydney in a very open society. her dad and my husband are best friends from school, and it funny, that when they told…[Read more]

  • Nicely done – a topic so many young people struggle with. I think the theme that stands our for me is brought to the fore at the end – loneliness. . .

  • Thanks Kathy – sequence/sequins. . . spell check does not help with that ๐Ÿ™‚ I also think the essence of the story could be told in less words, and I had to keep on fleshing it out to reach my word count. I much prefer shorter stories/flash fiction. Please read my Red Lipstick when you have a moment. I had tech problems with uploading my story…[Read more]

  • Finn by Karin Henriques#I love my sister. I love playing with her, drawing with her, talking with her.I am two years older but we feel like twins. We do everything together. My favourite time of day is the morning […]

    • Very readable and good empathy build. I did pick up on hints throughout the story, so was not surprised at the end. I noticed “sequence” where I think you mean “sequins'” and possibly a couple incomplete or awkward sentences, but nothing at all that pulled me out of the story. It felt a little repetitive, but that’s probably how it feels to be in that situation. All in all, I liked Finn and his family and hope the next few years aren’t too tough on them.

      • Thanks Kathy – sequence/sequins. . . spell check does not help with that ๐Ÿ™‚ I also think the essence of the story could be told in less words, and I had to keep on fleshing it out to reach my word count. I much prefer shorter stories/flash fiction. Please read my Red Lipstick when you have a moment. I had tech problems with uploading my story last month so it only went up later. K

    • I didn’t get it until he said “the other boys in my class,” near the very end and my heart went out to Finn. Well done. I feel for Finn. I thought he/she was just struggling with still wanting a childish party instead of a boy/girl one. But there is so much more. I hope his/her parents are understanding of what he/she needs.

      • HI Jennifer – It’s exactly the response I wanted – thank you. . . . Finn is a beautiful 10 year old girl. Looking back he was never a boy, she was always a girl. She came out to her parents 3 years ago, and fortunately they live in Sydney in a very open society. her dad and my husband are best friends from school, and it funny, that when they told us, we weren’t even in shock. The only thing that we had to get used to was to refer to her as her. . . Obviously we do not know the intricacies of daily life, but as far as we know all is well. . . thank you again for your message.

  • Red Lipstick by Karin Henriques

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    For most of her life, she was blind to the world until she went to India.

    She handed the boy a few rupees. His hands gripped hers. Although worlds and generations apart, he […]

  • Ahhh John, thank you! That’s kind of you.
    K

  • Thank you – I will fix John Doe (English being my second language it tend to get a few things wrong without a proofreader :-))

  • Hi Paul, absolutely and yes, you’re right – it’s hangover (oops). Point taken on the list and I agree fully. I will look at that before I post it on my blog.
    I’m glad you enjoyed (and got) the story. I volunteer for a homeless charity, and the stories are just heartbreaking.
    K

  • Karin Henriques
    Hi Barbara
    Great feedback โ€“ thank you for that. In retrospect I agree โ€“ the list does go on forever. . . and I have no idea why I referred to their . . . Iโ€™ll have to go back and look at it again.
    Did you see Dionneโ€™s feedback? What do you think about the 911 comment and my reply โ€“ to keep a reference like that local or not?
    K

  • Hi Dionne โ€“ I loved your story . . . a
    I myself questioned both things you mentioned.
    She was never hungover broke the rhythm of repeating the same words in the 4 sentences . . . so I used poetic licence in that instance.
    911 is an American number. The emergency number in South Africa is 10111. I was caught between a rock and hard place as my s…[Read more]

  • Hi Barbara
    Great feedback – thank you for that. In retrospect I agree – the list does go on forever. . . and I have no idea why I referred to their . . . I’ll have to go back and look at it again.
    Did you see Dionne’s feedback? What do you think about the 911 comment and my reply – to keep a reference like that local or not?
    K

  • NIce read – I like that you used dialogue to tell the story. . .
    As this draft one . . . given the subject matter, you might want to consider an optional title . . . “It never works” ๐Ÿ™‚
    K

  • Hi Dionne – I loved your story . . . a
    I myself questioned both things you mentioned.
    She was never hungover broke the rhythm of repeating the same words in the 4 sentences . . . so I used poetic licence in that instance.
    911 is an American number. The emergency number in South Africa is 10111. I was caught between a rock and hard place as my…[Read more]

  • Nice . . . I liked the use of T-minus . . . it added to the suspense and urgency of the story but also his job.
    I like the fact the Grace actually had a shower (like normal people, unlike the characters in movies when they get dressed and leave).
    I would not have had him drink a beer while waiting to be called out to disarm a bomb (after you…[Read more]

  • The picture got me! I was intrigued from the start but did not expect this ending!

  • The hobo never missed a day. He worked from early till late, dutifully taking note of everyone who came past his corner. Breathing the crispness of autumn as she walked past him his stale alcohol breath bounced […]

    • What a great story. It was harsh and meaningful. Great use of the prompt and well written.
      the line She never had a hungover (she never had a hangover or She was never hungover) the phone number if i am seeing it correct has to many ones. Other than that again fantastic.

      • Hi Dionne โ€“ I loved your story . . . a
        I myself questioned both things you mentioned.
        She was never hungover broke the rhythm of repeating the same words in the 4 sentences . . . so I used poetic licence in that instance.
        911 is an American number. The emergency number in South Africa is 10111. I was caught between a rock and hard place as my story is set in SA but people would not really know what the number is. Here our emergency number is not as well known, well used or reliable than 911 in the US. But, 911 is an internationally recognised number so I opted to add a one so that there is till recognition of it being an emergency number, but itโ€™s clearly not localised to America.
        Not knowing what the right answer is โ€“ would you keep it 100% local and correct, or reference a US number for a SA story? Or, do a hybrid for recognition?
        K

        • I have read a lot of stories from other locations other than the US. I find that if i see a line that is obviously going to an emergency number that the phone number no matter if i know it or not is the correct number for that local. I would use the SA number. It helps drive location of the story. Which is why the number 9111 was automatically thought of as wrong. I would stick to a single local just for the ease of writing.

    • Hi Dionne – I loved your story . . . a
      I myself questioned both things you mentioned.
      She was never hungover broke the rhythm of repeating the same words in the 4 sentences . . . so I used poetic licence in that instance.
      911 is an American number. The emergency number in South Africa is 10111. I was caught between a rock and hard place as my story is set in SA but people would not really know what the number is. Here our emergency number is not as well known, well used or reliable than 911 in the US. But, 911 is an internationally recognised number so I opted to add a one so that there is till recognition of it being an emergency number, but it’s clearly not localised to America.
      Not knowing what the right answer is – would you keep it 100% local and correct, or reference a US number for a SA story? Or, do a hybrid for recognition?
      K

    • Hi Karin
      This was a very deep piece. I enjoyed the way the MC developed as the story progressed. There were two things that disrupted the flow for me – one was the list of celebrations – I know you said it was endless, but by the time I’d got to the end I had stopped paying any attention. Personally, I’d have cut this down a bit – I think you could still make the point. The second was the reference to Chenin’s companionship as “their” companionship. I’m not sure why it was plural. It made me stop to wonder and I found it distracting. Leaving that aside, though, a good read and a clever take on the prompt.
      Barbara

      • Karin Henriques
        Hi Barbara
        Great feedback โ€“ thank you for that. In retrospect I agree โ€“ the list does go on forever. . . and I have no idea why I referred to their . . . Iโ€™ll have to go back and look at it again.
        Did you see Dionneโ€™s feedback? What do you think about the 911 comment and my reply โ€“ to keep a reference like that local or not?
        K

    • Hi Barbara
      Great feedback – thank you for that. In retrospect I agree – the list does go on forever. . . and I have no idea why I referred to their . . . I’ll have to go back and look at it again.
      Did you see Dionne’s feedback? What do you think about the 911 comment and my reply – to keep a reference like that local or not?
      K

    • Hi Karin,

      What a deep and educational story. Well done.

      You might want to look at “She never had a hungover”. Perhaps you meant “She never had a hangover” or some other variant.
      As has been said above, your list is a tad on the long side. I get the point, but to keep the reader engaged, you might want to find a way to either cut the list down or break up the delivery of the list.

      Thank you for sharing such an eye-opener on society.
      This learned lady will now defend with conviction.
      I pity anyone dumb enough to stand against her.

      Keep writing.

      Cheers,
      Paul

      • Hi Paul, absolutely and yes, you’re right – it’s hangover (oops). Point taken on the list and I agree fully. I will look at that before I post it on my blog.
        I’m glad you enjoyed (and got) the story. I volunteer for a homeless charity, and the stories are just heartbreaking.
        K

        • Without wishing to make this communication a tennis match, your homeless volunteering will provide you with plenty of material to write about and I agree, they will be heartbreaking. Bless you, for offering your time. Keep Writing.

    • Hi Karin
      A powerful story. You map out the family issues with alcohol nicely, and I know people like that, who use every excuse to get drunk as a reason to party, even now none of us are as young and stupid as we once used to be.
      Along with the issues mentioned already, the correct name is John Doe. I was confused at first by John Do, until I realised what you meant.
      I’m glad she was able to get out of the cycle of dependency and alcoholism and find something to give her life meaning and purpose. Very well done

      • Thank you – I will fix John Doe (English being my second language it tend to get a few things wrong without a proofreader :-))

        • I picketed up that English is not your first language, and believe me, you write better in English than I can in any language other than English. Very happy therefore, to help you correct these little details to help

  • HI Ellen – thank you for your welcome message – I’m looking forward to more writing.

  • I think the sentiment of the story is lovely and we can definitely learn from our mothers and grandmothers. I had a grandmother just like you and think of her wise words every single day. I do think with a little bit more effort in your descriptions and transitions and applying more “show don’t tell” your story can be elevated. There are wonderful…[Read more]

  • You have a way with words in your descriptions – they come naturally and unforced, yet wonderfully rhythmic so well-chosen. I love how you introduced Tom – my favourite lines are: He tore through life with the ease of a smile. His smile woke up with the birds and went to sleep with the last flicker of the reading candle at night. I hope she gets…[Read more]

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Karin Henriques

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@karin-b57gmail-com

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