Ha ha! What a great story. I can actually feel your pain. Nicely done!

Hey Kali and how goes it? I have been on the road for a bit and have been unable to catch up on all the “Not my type” submissions until fairly recently. I have to ask, is this account in anyway autobiographical or spun from your imagination? If the latter, even more serious props are due. Descriptions are really good and taste, smell, sound all engaged to show the frustrations of the narrator. I feel you do this too well though, as the moment of flashback to the beginning of the trip (sentence beginning “Thirty-six hours before….”) shows even more unremitting pain, anxiety, tension and the reader begins to wonder what on earth could have motivated the narrator to plan and execute this trip. The payoff line is cool and (I believe) shows how family time, fund and games made the narrator forget the pain of travel. However, this reader wanted something a little bit more to explain the self flagellation that is going on (not sure what would have sufficed so apologies if this not really helpful). I did enjoy it and your writing, as always pulls the reader in very powerfully. I will never look at a mac and cheese the same way again. All the best for the end of this year and of course, for the next one. Regards, Seyi

Hi Kali,

I read your story weeks ago and thought I had commented on it! I remember the nauseating feeling you created as I am not a mac a cheese person.
Great sensory descriptions. I felt I was there, striving to get away from the microwave.

I picked up on a few things for your consideration:
Watch out for repetition. It’s to easy to do. 🙂 E.g. “…to, to someone ready to…”
Perhaps a few too many “ly” adverbs with at least 5 instances of “just” which tends to detract from your intended purpose.
I am sure “part way” should be “partway”.

Thank you for sharing. Keep writing.

Wishing you and yours a Merry Christmas and a happy new year.

Best of luck for 2020.

Cheers,
Paul

Hi Kali, I enjoyed your story. You used great descriptions and I could feel myself a part of that greasy, smelly roadhouse. The anxiety of your MC was really well captured as well. I picked up on one small error: The first spoonful of slightly crunch macaroni is a step above revolting – should be crunchy.
I do like how as soon as she is home she starts to feel another road trip might be OK:))
Well done and thanks for sharing.

Hi Kali,
There are few travel stories that manage to keep me glued to my seat. Yours is one of them. You literally evoked a lot of emotions with your descriptions. I could relate to a lot of it. The part about eating before the trip, the long road ahead, the sheer exhaustion at even the thought of it – it all appeared so real. Wonderful piece of work. Thank you for sharing!

Wow! This one kept my interest all the way through. Great dialogue and imagery.. I sure hope Skylar takes Paris on solo minus Drew. Fun Read.

Well done Kali. The sentence “The ad on the bus stop wall for Nichols & Associates, divorce lawyers, looks like it is weeping” is SO cool. I am extra pleased it also provided a key part of the story . You really went a different way and I really like this version. All the best and regards, Seyi

Hey Kali, i really enjoyed this story. I liked the ending on this version much better, it’s stronger and more realistic, although without Carley at the bank, she doesn’t really need to be in the first scene either. At any rate, it’s a great story and I agree with Charles, I hope she takes the ten grand to Paris and leaves Drew behind! Well done and good luck!

Hey Kali

So that’s how you get $10K for a trip to Paris. Great story

Good luck,
Paul