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  • Jack was by the table stirring spoons of Nesquik into his milk. Chocolate milk was not the best idea just before dinner, but she had had a long day, and apparently so had he. It had not helped that Cedric had […]

    • Hi Karina,
      I thoroughly enjoyed this bit. I want to know what kind of cheese she’s munching on (guess I’m hungry, lol). I liked the way you portrayed Moody’s mom, and I can certainly understand Moody still trying to figure out what she’ll do. My guess is that Cedric will put up a fight if he finds out she’s taking Jack away, like many fathers that want the lesser time with their kids, the better when they’re close by.
      Mrs Viller reminds me of a teacher I had in sixth grade, she was a witch! Hopefully, Moody won’t listen to that strict old fashioned teacher and allow Jack to do fun stuff too.
      Thanks for such a lovely read.~ Astrid

  • Thanks Sharon!
    I am not sure if it came across that they were both tricking the boss!
    Anyway, nice to have a change from the 52scenes…

  • Many thanks for reading, Ana!
    I will definitely go back and fix those issues.

  • Great scene. Olivia is such a strong character, and it brings hope to story that she is affected – and yet not confused or lost – surviving/thriving with the help of her husband (I assume) and son.

    I liked this: “… not giving her husband a chance to speak while the untamed corners of his emotion had him in its throes.” and the difference in…[Read more]

  • Very dramatic scene, and after the phone call keeping the tension throughout.Interesting hint about Tommy being deferential to Kate, it made me wonder if this has affected his will.
    Also liked Claire wondering where her children are, and the (changed) Wilde quote as well. Her memories/prayer in the car are very touching, as if trying to…[Read more]

  • Love the descriptions of the village and the tourists mingling about, staring at buildings and buying souvenirs…
    Conversation with grocer is interesting – are the murders affecting trade? Seems they have not frightened off the tourists yet!
    His therapist turning up is a nice opportunity for us to hear more about Sage’s thoughts as well as his…[Read more]

  • Wow, lots of action in this scene, and our fears about Becca coming to fruition. Fully understand Jeff’s reluctance to start drawing, because he’s being watched and does not know what might happen.

    Quick thing: In this para I wonder if ‘we’ should be ‘they’ since the rest of the scene is written in third person:
    JR had hats and Cubs t-shirts…[Read more]

  • Great story and well structured. I understand why Dalton has rules about the place if he keeps murdering people there… quick question though – would Jack ever know if Dalton used his story as a legend? Loved the ending – I did not expect that ending at all!

  • Great storytelling and the dream scene is fascinating… I thought of a funeral at first since everyone was there. Also made me wonder what Hannah was up to. Did she actually want some answers, or just desperate to go back to sleep? Well done!

  • Very emotional story, with a touch a mystery too. I love the image of the lionesses and the grooming, setting up the story for leaving her baby with another woman. And yet, we are left with a burning question of how she could possibly leave… well done.

  • Interesting story with the two different perspectives. (I saw two names Dan/Ben but I imagined it to be the same child). Small thing – I wondered if something was missing at the end? The mother’s feelings are understandable and heartbreaking, and the couple’s worries very relatable.

  •                    “I don’t know what to do,” sobbed Suki.

    She had stormed into Peter’s office and now she was in floods of tears. Peter was uncomfortable with crying; he did not like it unless there was a goo […]

    • Ana M. replied 6 days ago

      Hi Karina,

      Two minor observations, 1) In the line when Peter thinks that Suki would be better off if she would talk with a lady, I am confused if he said it or thought about saying it to her, and 2) I think a question mark is missing in line with the “are you sure.”

      Now, I like the story and the way it is written. I was engaged with the situation. Well done!

    • Hi, Karina Nice story. It was an easy read. I felt the MC’s anxiety, Coco limited intelligence, and the boss’s reluctance and discomfort in dealing with personal issues. Very well written. You did a nice job of “showing” instead of “telling” on this one. Thanks, Sharon

      • Thanks Sharon!
        I am not sure if it came across that they were both tricking the boss!
        Anyway, nice to have a change from the 52scenes…

  • The cars rolled into the drop-off lane one after the other. Like parts on an assembly line, just agonizingly slow. It was odd, Moody thought, how stressed everyone claimed to be and yet how easily they subjected […]

    • Hi Karina
      I can’t help but get the impression that Moody isn’t taking herself and her struggles all that seriously, just in a comparative sense. The time she uses to call a therapist are the dregs of her day, and she’s still belligerent when she talks to them. It’s an interesting side to her character and I like that you’ve included it. Especially with the irony when she says she hates people who don’t make an effort, and she’s doing exactly to herself what others are doing to her. I really look forward to seeing her arc. This scene really is not as boring as you think it is, I promise. Your setting was particularly well-communicated. Well done xxx

    • I enjoyed this scene. Like Moody’s chat with the therapist. Also some really nice nuggets in it including the whole defending your gender and the tension between working moms and stay at home moms. Oh and the opening line comparing the cars to an assembly line was wonderful imagery. Liked the push for happiness. Fingers crossed Moody finds happiness!

    • Hi, Karina Good scene. I can’t imagine having to sit in a drop off lane. I am afraid I would be the one to rebel and try to figure out a solution. Jack seems to have figured out how to stay out of the line. Moody is processing all the things and people she doesn’t like about her life. It was a good scene because now we know what she is thinking and will understand her next move. I kind of like the therapist. She is sharp and doesn’t let Moody get away with useless comments. Good work.

    • Hi Karina,
      I like the last line, it’s got a tinge if humor while the therapist gets those boundaries in place. Let’s see if Moody will figure it out that she can’t away with free consultations under the excuse of “getting a feel for it”, lol.
      Monody’s frustration and anger, and overall hatred and discontent got through very well. I could actually sense her emotional state. Good job!
      Looking forward to reading on how and what her next step will be. Astrid

  • Thanks Astrid for your encouraging words as usual!

  • Thanks Chantel. I’m glad you like Jack! And you’re right, she needs more wins. Instead I’ve posted another ‘down’ scene this week. Must work on fixing that.

  • Thanks Sharon! I am glad you can picture the characters. I need to sit down and do some more work on who they all are and what their motives are!

  • Thanks so much Rachel for your encouraging comments!

  • What a lovely scene about the kids bonding and getting to go away. A nice way to give them an adventure and create team spirit. The plane ride and the arrival was really nicely described.
    Tired, happy kids – what could be better!
    The only thing that worried me was JR creeping up on Jeff. I think if it was me I would be feeling resentful. It may…[Read more]

  • There I was anxiously waiting for news of David! But it makes perfect sense to step away and let us wait a bit longer. The gathering at Patrick’s house is so well described, and I have no doubt that it is indeed ‘tres awkward’ there. I like that it’s Ann telling the story. I can just about see her in front of me, texting and chewing the dri…[Read more]

  • Ooh… this is a great scene and very enlightening!
    I loved this sentence: But first, my friend, we gotta put down all our cards on the table, face up so that we both know what we’ve got.

    I was just as the point myself where I was trying to string together some conclusions (as crime readers do…) and having the detectives sit down and do t…[Read more]

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Karina

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@k-geneva

Active 8 hours, 30 minutes ago
Short Story : 5
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