• Thank you for the comments. I enjoy a good western also. Seen a lot more Western TV shows and movies than Western books I’ve read: Zane Gray, even Max Brand, but my favorite of all time is Louis L’Amour. I like him better than Larry McMurtry.

    I have wanted to write a western for a while, so YEAH I’m glad you liked it.

    Thanks for the read

  • Thanks for the comments. Yeah I didn’t describe the MC on purpose. LOL They first draft I had the Pony Express ad, “Wanted: Young, skinny, wiry fellows, not over eighteen” in the beginning, not at the end as it is in this version, so I didn’t realize I hadn’t described him. But as you say, that made the story more interesting. Thanks for t…[Read more]

  • Thanks for the great comments Limor. I watched a LOT of westerns on TV when I was a kid but never really liked the books until I found Louis L’Amour.

    On my first draft I had the Pony Express ad, “Wanted: Young, skinny, wiry fellows, not over eighteen” in the beginning, not at the end as it is in this version. So I didn’t think to describe…[Read more]

  • Thanks for the comments. I like to use words from the time periods. I really enjoy doing the research for ‘period’ pieces. Yes as a matter of fact I have traveled that area, at least what the Freeways and a few side roads will let you. I live in the Southern Sierra Mountains.

    As for you would take a job like that. Young boys eager for adv…[Read more]

  • I’m glad you liked the story Paul. When doing research for ‘period’ pieces I always like to throw in a few words from the time. Glad you liked it.

    Here is some info I found on ‘Paint’ horses:
    Color Patterns in Paint Horses
    Each Paint Horse has a particular combination of white and any color of the equine spectrum: black, bay, brown,…[Read more]

  • The sapphire sky darkened as the sun slipped behind the Sierra Nevada Mountains, a night’s ride ahead of us. Turning in my saddle I look eastward. There, above Arc Dome, the highest point in the Toiyabe mountain r […]

    • Hi Jeff,

      I love stories of the old west. I also like to learn new words. “mochila” is new to me but I’m not sure “paint” fits with your story. Do you mean Pinto or some such?

      Did you mean “through the low-lying hills of the Shoshone Mountains” instead of “thorough the …”?
      I also picked up on a few adverbs, mainly the “ly” kind with a repeat of “just”. Some of these could be culled putting some words back into your word budget.

      Thank you for sharing. Keep writing.

      Cheers,
      Paul

      • I’m glad you liked the story Paul. When doing research for ‘period’ pieces I always like to throw in a few words from the time. Glad you liked it.

        Here is some info I found on ‘Paint’ horses:
        Color Patterns in Paint Horses
        Each Paint Horse has a particular combination of white and any color of the equine spectrum: black, bay, brown, chestnut, dun, grulla, sorrel, palomino, buckskin, gray, or roan. Markings can be any shape or size, and located virtually anywhere on the Paint’s body. Although Paints come in a variety of colors with different markings, there are only three specific coat patterns: tobiano, overo, and tovero.

        Yup, I sure did mean Through, instead of thorough. I think I did that another time because I know I corrected at least one. LOL

        Thanks for the feedback

    • This was very nice, and I learnt a new word too: mochila. Great action, the pace was incredible, a galloping horse really. I enjoyed the description of the terrain, sky and everything in-between. The way the horse was kind of ‘guiding’ your character along was a great addition. It all felt very authentic, almost like you know the place well. 😉 Great use of the prompt too, and I wonder what kind of people would sign up for a risky job like that.

      • Thanks for the comments. I like to use words from the time periods. I really enjoy doing the research for ‘period’ pieces. Yes as a matter of fact I have traveled that area, at least what the Freeways and a few side roads will let you. I live in the Southern Sierra Mountains.

        As for you would take a job like that. Young boys eager for adventure. If you lived in the Mid-West the chance of becoming a sailor were pretty slim.

        Thanks for the read and comments

    • Hi Jeff,
      I loved your story. I have never read Westerns before, only the blurbs of my dads old books when I was a kid. You used great imagery to bring this genre to life, right from the get go with Orion’s Belt. The forty mile desert was rushing by as I rode on with your hero but I so desperately wanted to know his name, more about what he looked like? The obvious connection between him and the Pony Express horses and their route show us that he is connected to the land, perhaps born and bred.
      His fearless attitude is thrilling and I wanted to know more about his adventure, where would he go next, who would he meet and even, perhaps, what the crudely carved markings on the boulders were going to show him?
      Thanks Jeff!

      • Thanks for the great comments Limor. I watched a LOT of westerns on TV when I was a kid but never really liked the books until I found Louis L’Amour.

        On my first draft I had the Pony Express ad, “Wanted: Young, skinny, wiry fellows, not over eighteen” in the beginning, not at the end as it is in this version. So I didn’t think to describe him. Also a lot of times I don’t describe my characters, I let the reader form there ‘own’ idea.

        Thanks for the read

    • Great imagery. What I did like was I had to use my imagination to imagine what he looked like and found that the lack of description of the main character didn’t matter. What did was the way the writing showed his fearlessness and how the use of the horse to show the connections between the land and himself.

      Thanks for a great read 🙂

      • Thanks for the comments. Yeah I didn’t describe the MC on purpose. LOL They first draft I had the Pony Express ad, “Wanted: Young, skinny, wiry fellows, not over eighteen” in the beginning, not at the end as it is in this version, so I didn’t realize I hadn’t described him. But as you say, that made the story more interesting. Thanks for the input.

        Yes I strongly believe people were MORE connected to the land, and nature, then, as compared to the majority of people today.

        thanks for the read

    • Hi Jeff
      This was lovely to get lost in, and I also love stories of the old west. You captured the mood of it beautifully. Thanks for another great read

    • Thank you for the comments. I enjoy a good western also. Seen a lot more Western TV shows and movies than Western books I’ve read: Zane Gray, even Max Brand, but my favorite of all time is Louis L’Amour. I like him better than Larry McMurtry.

      I have wanted to write a western for a while, so YEAH I’m glad you liked it.

      Thanks for the read

    • Hello Jeff,

      Every word in your story counts.

      There’s no fluff, no wandering around or rechecking the compass. You know exactly where your story is headed. I feel safe with that kind of storytelling!

      I am in the desert, under the darkening sapphire sky. I hear what your characters hear, and what they say. I feel the impending incidents. And can almost smell the smoke, with the realisation that the station is gone. Sensory cues are everywhere, engaging and revealing.

      The pace is relentless, and time is always a continuum. Something happened before, that I get glimpses of here and there. A present situation, that escalates dramatically. And an uncertain future, that I am eager to follow.

      Impressive work, Jeff. As always.

  • I did that last year, helped me get most of a first draft for a book I’m been trying to write for a decade or more.

    I’ve accomplished more with my writing in the last three year, this is year 4, with this group than I have in the last 20 years of dabbling with it. A class here, an unwelcoming writers group that met only during weekdays. I have…[Read more]

  • This is part of an on going ‘book’ I’m trying to write.

    Thanks for the comments. I won’t be working to a word limit when I do the next draft of my book. That maybe better, or worse. LOL

  • Exactly what I was going for.

    Thanks

  • Thanks for the read and comment.
    Tense has been an on going problem with me. I was trying a bit of omnipresence, then shifting into the first person. NOT sure it worked.
    And I have been tense over getting the tense correct, but I think I may need just to relax. LOL

    I went through my February story specifically looking for those sneaky…[Read more]

  • Intriguing concept of using on personal data against ourselves. Very Big Brotherish. Novel way to use the steps of Recovery. A compelling story of what technology can come to IF WE LET IT.

    Maybe we should?

    The ending was ominous, “Now is the time: Pay it down or hand it down.” The sins of the father SHALL BE visited upon the son.

    Thanks…[Read more]

  • What a great ‘fun’ story. Yes us pesky human’s messing up Nature. I live in a mountain tourist town and yes THEY do make a mess.
    Great story, great message and well written.

    I’m pretty sure this is the typo Sharon mentioned “They had fished breakfast …”

    I hate that. I have read my stories a dozen times and still miss words.

    Thanks…[Read more]

  • Well written dialog and story line. Kept me reading to see what was going to happen next. The ebb and flow of scene and action was well balanced. Enjoy able read.

    IF I had to comment on anything, here is my 2 cents. I would have written this a bit different.
    Instead of what you wrote, Before he saw me, I leaped from the shadows closing the…[Read more]

  • Thank You for the kind words. Someone famous once said about writing that IF you did ALL the hard work correctly when writing it, no one will know it when they read it.

    I must be doing something right, thanks

  • I was trying something different in this story. A bit of omnipresent narrator then into 1st person. Since you didn’t mentioned it, I’m not sure it came across.

    Regardless, thank you for the read and the comments, ALWAYS welcome.

  • Ah Yes, SLY, Thank you.

    I was trying something different in this story. A bit of omnipresent narrator then into 1st person. Since neither of you or Chantel mentioned it, I’m not sure it came across.

    Regardless, thank you for the read and the comments, ALWAYS welcome.

  • Thank You. But that part is TRUE. There are 12 steps up to the door of Dr. Bob’s house. It was very inspirational going to that house. See how what he and Bill W. did so many years ago saved, mine, my wife’s and so many other people’s lives

  • Wonderfully WOW!

    I too worry about adjectives, adverbs, and a superfluous word or two, but your story flowed with joy just like the bubbly Amber.

    An excellently told story, making me feel as if I were there.

    Great, thanks for the read

  • Very touching, and Sad. Aren’t most romantic stories?

    You did a wonderful of setting the scene. The waiter wiping down the bar. Marco having to stand on his tip-toes for the glasses. Loved it. The sentence phrasing seemed a bit off to my American ears UNTIL I read they were in Paris, then I it flowed, with a French accent. LOL

    I did notice…[Read more]

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Jeff Mauser

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active 1 day, 11 hours ago