• In a bakery, there were three girls talking about what they were eating. Mikako ate her candy in while Shui asked Akiko:

    “Which donut do you like best?”

    “I like everyone!” Akiko said.

    “Ah, try to choose […]

  • Will commented on the post, Gift by Will 5 hours, 56 minutes ago

    Thanks, I already made some corrections, don’t worry.

  • Will commented on the post, Gift by Will 6 hours, 32 minutes ago

    Thanks for the help, I edited it a little too fast and missed it, but thanks for the attention. Sorry for bothering.

  • Thank you very much for the comment.

  • A creative idea for another “donut” meaning.

  • On his wife’s birthday, Mr. Bager gave her a gift. Before it opened, he said timidly:”Honey, remember that old toaster that was maybe broken before I dropped it by accident?””Yes, just a week ago, why?””Maybe you […]

    • A fair effort.
      There are some grammatical errors though:
      Firstly you used a different name the second time than you had the first? “Bager” changed to “Smith”.
      It also needs to be noted that “Before it opened” needs to be changed to what’s more practical to read, like: “Before the gift is to be opened”, or better yet “Before he was to give it to her”…
      And “sent that toaster for it to be fixed” would be more correct. I would cut the “plus it’s still brand new”.
      Put a little thought in to consider the tense you are writing in, settle on a character, and mind your grammar β€” then with practice you’ll ace it yet! ✌🏻😁
      Well done on putting something down! 🙃👍🏻

      • Thanks for the help, I edited it a little too fast and missed it, but thanks for the attention. Sorry for bothering.

    • Hi Will I agree with Maruschka (although I don’t see any reference to Smith unless you already edited it) It needs just to be tighter all together, but I like the premise and rather pitiful way the man tries to keep apologising ! Keep at it!

    • Thanks for sharing, Will. I noticed the errors, but being a teacher I am used to overlooking them and continuing. Have someone else read before you submit. We tend to read our work the way we want it to be instead of what is actually written, so it is hard to proofread your own work. Just a thought. Sometimes it helps to read it out loud to yourself word by word. It was a good story that probably is very true. Thanks again.

  • Mr. Hawkwood was not yet sure how the speech would begin. He was not the procrastinating type, but he could not think how he should announce the founding of the city in a memorable and respectful way. But now he […]

    • Deryn replied 2 days ago

      Hi Will – Hawkswood’s discomfort is palpable but I think I would have liked to see that explored far more, sweaty palms, beating heart, etc and make that the focus of the piece. His speech about the foundation of the city can be incidental and the vehicle to describe his utter terror at public speaking. A great story concept well done, nevertheless.

  • She was distracted by her own thoughts, doodling in her notebook, trying to distance herself from boring class. Until she heard the teacher call her:

    “Octavia!”

    She saw the teacher look at her and at the […]

    • I think our two characters for this prompt would understand each other well. πŸ™‚ You characterize Octavia nicely without having much room to do so. Nicely done!

    • I laughed with this one. It brought me back to my school and varsity days. You highlighted the MC well.

  • Well, short and simple story. πŸ™‚

  • A long time ago, there was a disciple who insisted on doing things on his own, but could not finish the tasks as well as the others. Until one day, the master decided to teach him through a metaphor and […]

    • I enjoyed your story and think the lesson was spot on. Possible typo on paragraph 4 – but that can support hundreds of people”. Did you mean it as a question – but can that support hundreds of people?” Small point, but it does affect the story. Thanks for sharing, Will.

  • It was a dark time in the Holy Roman Empire, which was dealing with the Hungarian invasions, an alliance with France in a war that had lasted for over a hundred years and a disease that was spreading across the […]

    • Thanks for sharing. I admit it was a little difficult for me to follow. I felt the first paragraph shared too much information. I realize you were trying to set the scene, but as a reader I was overwhelmed. I would suggest reading your story aloud or having someone proof for you as I saw some typos in the second and third paragraph – omitted words.

    • I am a big fan of Greek mythology and I like how you wove it into your story. The Greeks indeed did not see hope as a good thing which is hard to fathom. My story had the character Elpis, the goddess of hope. Her story is related to that of Pandora’s

  • An unusual narrative for me, but it looks good. πŸ™‚

  • The foolish hunter looked at that fake mammoth ivory as if he could see that it was fake without the help of equipment. But Bao knew that ivory was fake, but what mattered was to sell it. The hunter said:

    “I’m […]

    • This snippet is interesting, and your comment helped me understand that there is a wider context to the few short lines. One observation, I don’t think you need the “But” at the beginning of the second sentence. With such short word counts every word matters. Christy

  • Simple, but a good story.

  • I can also relate to that.

  • Who was or what was more beautiful? It was natural for a painter to hear questions like this throughout his career, but Helmold knew there was no reason to think about it too much, because there would always be […]

  • An interesting story.

  • For Helmold, the best way to make a painting was to brush gently, taking great care not to damage the painting. In those days, paints were very expensive, so he had to work harder to make a profit. He was careful […]

    • This was a nice story–I like how it connected to your previous one as well. If I had a recommendation, it would be to frame the entire story within their conversation to show a little more. Nicely done!

  • Good story.

  • The experienced painter Helmold never imagined that he could conceive a young woman as beautiful as Frida. He would have imagined that she would have appeared in a dream, but he had the opportunity to appreciate […]

    • I like the direction this is moving in. I get a sense of the artist and his relationship with his muse–I can see his thoughts well. I would have liked to see some detail of the art she inspires.

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active 5 hours, 56 minutes ago