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  • Hi Carolyn – this is a touchingly drawn account of Maryn trying to find her feet after her father’s passing has given her a new freedom – nicely done!

  • Thank you for taking the time to read and for your kind comments.

  • Oh this is just lovely! A wonderful idea very well executed – well done!

  • A real lesson in living in the moment – nature, the great teacher & healer. Lovely!

  • The tension in this story kept me racing along, wanting to know how it was all going to pan out. The contrast between Ronnie’s parents’ family life and his own troubled family is neatly drawn. Elaine’s final plea and Ronnie’s eventual understanding are very moving. Thanks for sharing!

  • This story gripped me from the off – and took unexpected turn after unexpected turn. I really enjoyed it – nicely done!

  • Hi Megan – thank you so much for your generous comment – and I like your teeny note too ๐Ÿ™‚ – I see what you mean! Thanks again ๐Ÿ™‚

  • There she sat, having staked her claim to one of the few patches of shade at the top of the Palatine Hill, surveying the thousands of years of history carpeting the landscape. She sighed and glanced down at her […]

    • I love this story – simple and honest, and beautifully written. I love the jumps back and forward and it feels very real. A teeny note; this line needs improving or removing. “Things had been hard after that”. It is too general, too vague for the rest of your well written story.

      • Hi Megan – thank you so much for your generous comment – and I like your teeny note too ๐Ÿ™‚ – I see what you mean! Thanks again ๐Ÿ™‚

    • This is such a heartwarming story. It starts with a dismal air and we know there has been some terrible happening in Barbara’s past. You trickle in the details skilfully and the story ends on a wave of hope. Very nicely done and excellent use of prompt.

  • Thank you Patty!

  • Hi Ali – thank you so much for your encouraging comments! I’m based in the Mediterranean – hence the Celsius temps – was wondering whether or not to make the location more specific. Perhaps I should have…

  • I had no warning. There was simply that tell-tale click followed by the whirs and sighs of all the gadgets and appliances powering down, down, down into deathly silence.

    No! I groaned. Not again.

    A quick check […]

    • Hi Isabella. Your writing about heat makes me glad that I’m in the cooler air of late autumn! A nice buildup of the discomfort from the heat and the measures taken. And hopefully not too prophetic of what climate change may bring…

    • The details in this story were great! I felt right alongside the poor narrator. I was wondering what the setting of our story was, though. Being in the states, I was thinking Arizona or somewhere southwest, but I also had to Google Celsius conversions. Just curious, I suppose! The writing was very fluid and I enjoyed this read; thank you!

      • Hi Ali – thank you so much for your encouraging comments! I’m based in the Mediterranean – hence the Celsius temps – was wondering whether or not to make the location more specific. Perhaps I should have…

    • Hi Isabella,
      Your MC is exceedingly practical and does the best thing possible for now. Great story!

  • I really appreciate your comments and suggestions – thank you. At least the first half seemed to work…and I must admit I enjoyed writing that part. Yes, I need to rethink the ending! Thanks for helping to clarify things 🙂

  • Hi Kim – thank you for your frank comments ๐Ÿ™‚ – much appreciated. To be perfectly honest, I was also unsatisfied with the ending and, if I had had the time, I probably would have rewritten the whole story. It played out so differently on paper to what I had in my head. Perhaps the MC’s state of mind needed to be made clear from the…[Read more]

  • Thank you for your kind comments.

  • It was the extreme blondeness of her hair that caught my eye. She had just walked out of the bank and was heading up the main road. I knew I shouldnโ€™t – not again – but she looked perfect and I simply couldnโ€™t hel […]

    • Hi,
      This story is so original that it made me smile. The twists and turns it took, at first I thought the MC was a man stalking a woman, then the ending which were totally unexpected. This is also the first time I noticed a story start with a slow pace which quickened as the story unfolded, so well done for being able to do that. Thank you for sharing your story.

    • this was …different
      This started off really well – I too thought this was a man stalking the girl with nefarious intentions so was surprised to find it was an older mother?
      you lost me however when the entire set-up was for her to ask a rather random question about an amazing blue? All that fantastic intrigue and suspense you created in the beginning dissipated immediately and I felt rather disappointed with your ending ? Perhaps there will be a continuation of this where there is some resolution to your opening hook.

      • Hi Kim – thank you for your frank comments ๐Ÿ™‚ – much appreciated. To be perfectly honest, I was also unsatisfied with the ending and, if I had had the time, I probably would have rewritten the whole story. It played out so differently on paper to what I had in my head. Perhaps the MC’s state of mind needed to be made clear from the beginning…perhaps it simply wasn’t a workable idea. Thanks for confirming my gut feeling!!

        • Hi Isabella
          I think the story can work if framed differently.
          you have the time now to rework it to suit a more credible ending?
          the more I think of it, this story is a story of two halves – the stalking , tense beginning and the 2nd half of a grieving mother needing answers. You need to decide which version to work off of to hang your plot on. Best of luck!

          • I really appreciate your comments and suggestions – thank you. At least the first half seemed to work…and I must admit I enjoyed writing that part. Yes, I need to rethink the ending! Thanks for helping to clarify things 🙂

  • Thank you so much for your generous comment! I really appreciate it – as well as you taking the time to read my little story ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Bogdana and Profile picture of IsabellaIsabella are now friends 3 months, 2 weeks ago

  • Thank you so much for your encouraging comment Patty – it made my day! ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Hi Jens – your story is so touching – and real! – and also well-written, which makes it flow across time so effortlessly. Nicely done!

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Isabella

Profile picture of Isabella

@gremx

Active 1 week, 6 days ago
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